tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post2730694521426122150..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: O Curse of MarriageAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-34452777077193810862013-05-17T19:47:25.190-04:002013-05-17T19:47:25.190-04:00Lisabet, I'm glad you were so lucky -- though ...Lisabet, I'm glad you were so lucky -- though maybe I should say deserving. If men can have simultaneous sexual relationships without being called names, women should too. Garce, I still feel some sympathy for my ex from time to time. (And only a few weeks ago, I had a vivid dream in which he told me he had loved me desperately and never fully recovered from losing me. My current spouse, who has worked with abused women in shelters, thinks it's very possible that he meant every word of this when he was alive.)<br />Anonymous! It's good to hear from you. Yes, I should have chosen Bachelor #2. When you're right, you're right. We could argue further about definitons of Enlightenment & whether it really arrived in Europe as a bolt from heaven in the mid-18th-century, but my ex certainly came from a different zeitgeist than I did.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-72558894340631262682013-05-13T19:30:04.381-04:002013-05-13T19:30:04.381-04:00I suppose if you want an enlightened husband, best...I suppose if you want an enlightened husband, best not choose one from a culture that hasn't had an Enlightenment yet. Call that a shallow insult if you will. But if your marriage reminded you of a 16th century melodrama, I'd say you should have chosen Bachelor #2. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-4125291975781900412013-05-12T17:23:25.180-04:002013-05-12T17:23:25.180-04:00Hi Jean!
Lisabet has had the most amazing history...Hi Jean!<br /><br />Lisabet has had the most amazing history. It still blows me away.<br /><br />In your offering I was oddly struck by the fact that your current lover was jealous. It had not occurred to me that in a settled relationship like yours it would ever be an issue. I always feel a little bad for your ex, not that he was right in any of this, but that mental illness had twisted his experience of reality so badly that life must have been hell for him and death a mercy. It reminds me a little of my mom. Some people have such a hard time in this world. <br /><br />Garce<br /><br />Garceushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11160407485298015371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-79128730665635276502013-05-12T07:39:31.924-04:002013-05-12T07:39:31.924-04:00Ah, Jean!
How clever and literate of you to turn ...Ah, Jean!<br /><br />How clever and literate of you to turn your own life's story into a gloss on Othello. Of course, I knew something about this from your previous posts, but I'm so glad you pointed out the parallels.<br /><br />Somehow, I've been incredibly lucky. I've never had to deal with a really jealous guy. At one point in my life I was in three or four sexual relationships at the same time, and every man (alas, they were all men) knew about the others. In many cases, they'd met one another. <br /><br />Looking back now, I wonder how I managed this. I'd love to think that each one of them was happy with the attention I gave them (and I will say, I was fairly good at staying in the moment). Who knows, maybe they were laughing at me behind my back. What a slut and all that. Anyway it was fun (though exhausting and confusing) while it lasted. <br /><br />Of course none of them married me. But then, that wasn't what I was looking for either.<br /><br />I get a real kick out of hearing about my husband's sexual exploits before we met (which were numerous!) And to be honest, I don't think he minds my talking about mine. <br /><br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-49246131309371201732013-05-11T19:20:58.536-04:002013-05-11T19:20:58.536-04:00Thanks for commenting, all. Amanda, I think Sacchi...Thanks for commenting, all. Amanda, I think Sacchi and Daddy X have some insight on the issue of male jealousy in marriage. There are still "honour killings" in too many countries. Women's jealousy doesn't seem that bad -- yet, since it isn't justified by ages-old tradition. In my experience, the most jealous people consider themselves reasonable, and any criticism of their behaviour makes them feel further victimized. Self-awareness and general awareness of this issue seem likely to have some effect, but rational discussion doesn't seem to cure the problem.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-88907960116634267402013-05-11T14:10:00.366-04:002013-05-11T14:10:00.366-04:00Current thought on the subject is quite new to his...Current thought on the subject is quite new to history. The concept of 'free love' evolved into 'open marriage and 'polyamory' only in about the last century or two. Considering the eons when women were considered property or at best chattel, we've come a long way fairly quickly, and predominantly in Europe and North America. Such progress will undoubtedly cause painful confusion as to roles for much time to come. That's no excuse for stupid drama, but jealousy may be more ingrained in us than intellectual congruity. Maybe not something humans can turn on and off. Hopefully in time, common sense will evolve and prevail, but no telling how long that may be. <br />Just think-- in your ex's original culture, where his experience shaped his formative years, he could have been justified in killing or maiming you. We come now to one of my pet peeves: Where religion or custom justifies the otherwise unjustifiable. It almost requires the most regressive of human traits.Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-40681511460810837932013-05-11T10:33:07.094-04:002013-05-11T10:33:07.094-04:00As you say, self respect is the best antidote. Peo...As you say, self respect is the best antidote. People who doubt their own worth can never quite believe that those they love wouldn't prefer someone else, and when that dynamic encounters the cultural imperative of a woman's sexuality being the property of her husband, it can be lethal. Not that there aren't jealous women, but not as many of them take it that far. Yet. Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-16738496163437885192013-05-10T17:03:41.611-04:002013-05-10T17:03:41.611-04:00thanks for sharing some of your history with us, J...thanks for sharing some of your history with us, Jean. <br />are there people who are immune to jealousy? i don't find that i get jealous myself. i am happy when others are successful. as i said in my post, i have too good a life to envy anyone else their joys. & i am in an open marriage where i feel happy & grateful when my husband has lovers, especially the nurturing ones. :)Amanda Earlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09059621442042833693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-59503280895393723642013-05-10T12:08:31.844-04:002013-05-10T12:08:31.844-04:00What an amazing life!What an amazing life!Giselle Renardehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15955755448116234634noreply@blogger.com