tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post3360187854146646721..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: Friends with BenefitsAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-27909571545711858522014-07-09T21:56:53.211-04:002014-07-09T21:56:53.211-04:00That song you quoted was taught to my daughter and...That song you quoted was taught to my daughter and me as the Girl Scout song. I was her troop's leader for 8 years, beginning in kindergarten. <br /><br />I believe that it's possible for men and women to be platonic friends, but one will always want more out of the relationship...usually the man. And the woman will be the one who chooses to let him get "so close but no closer". Myself, when I was younger, I'd put men into lists: one side was friends, guys I hung around with and depended on for friendship and support. Sometimes I slept with them in a one-nighter kind of thing...mostly not. The other side was guys I wanted to have sex with, but I didn't want or expect anything else from them. At that time, having a close friendship with a man I was fucking was way too much intimacy. No one was allowed to be THAT close to me. <br /><br />Years later, when I met my husband, I told him I was happy we'd not met years earlier, when I'd have shagged him then split. When we met we were both ready for a real relationship, based on my important 3: passion, respect and friendship.Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-82808804607519786702014-07-07T12:33:13.425-04:002014-07-07T12:33:13.425-04:00Just a side note about the disappearing comments, ...Just a side note about the disappearing comments, Jean. I've been having huge issues with that on Blogger lately, to the point that I make a copy before hitting publish. As far as I can tell, my stuff is more likely to disappear when I sign in after arriving at the page, but whatever's going on, it isn't cool. <br /><br />(And, case in point, it happened to me just now while trying to post this). Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-23221841309663534442014-07-06T13:51:26.212-04:002014-07-06T13:51:26.212-04:00Thank you, Annabeth, Daddy X, and Lisabet. You are...Thank you, Annabeth, Daddy X, and Lisabet. You are all so reliable! The first time I tried to post a comment here, it disappeared. (Apparently the computer is not my friend today.) I love the option of "It's complicated" on social media sites that allow people to choose "I'm single," "I'm married," or "I'm in a relationship." When I look around, I suspect it's more complicated for most people that it was in more rigid times/cultures in which everyone was expected to marry a member of the "opposite sex" by a certain age, raise children, and socialize with a circle of relatives and married friends. Increased chances to form unusual or non-restrictive relationships also offer more chances to be exploited or hurt. (Years ago, I had what I thought was a friendship-with-benefits with a man who seemed to be separated from his wife and living alone. I learned that he was commuting from his family home, complete with 3 teenage daughters, to the small city where I live and where he stayed in a small, cheap apartment during the week over the winter months to avoid driving on the ice more than necessary. I also learned that he thought of himself as a good family man, married to a good wife & mother. He seemed to think I was trash because I was sexually available to him, AND because I had a daughter of my own, born when I was married.) I included a negotiation scene in one of my stories because I think this is a good idea when entering a new relationship or changing the unspoken rules. Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-46157258403253514292014-07-06T13:31:34.369-04:002014-07-06T13:31:34.369-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-49923430997878343892014-07-06T00:35:29.265-04:002014-07-06T00:35:29.265-04:00Jean, your post was worth waiting for! I can't...Jean, your post was worth waiting for! I can't wait to read both of these stories.<br /><br />The friends/lovers ambiguity works in the opposite direction when you're straight. If you're a woman, you can't help but wonder whether your male friends actually think of you in a sexual way. Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-71882625840527042802014-07-05T18:59:35.603-04:002014-07-05T18:59:35.603-04:00"Friends with benefits" is a natural for..."Friends with benefits" is a natural for this topic, and you certainly do it justice.<br /><br />Sounds like a terrific story for the Forbidden Fruit theme. I'll get to read it in my own contributor's copy when it comes. And the BLE story, too, as it happens. Looking forward to both.Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-47390478202779555542014-07-05T15:32:08.453-04:002014-07-05T15:32:08.453-04:00Now, after reading the excerpt, and on to your que...Now, after reading the excerpt, and on to your question, I can imagine Anna keeping Renee on the side throughout their lives, going there whenever Anna's darker fantasies need to be more than fantasies. Seems Renee could be more, shall we say… more sure of her own personal requirements? (or not, down the road) Anna would have this secret life to balance a more mediocre existence. Or perhaps another type of contrast to her day-to-day life. Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-27268480077064319442014-07-05T13:54:04.414-04:002014-07-05T13:54:04.414-04:00Hi Jean-
You said-
“Make new friends, but keep th...Hi Jean-<br />You said-<br /><br />“Make new friends, but keep the old,<br />One is silver and the other’s gold.”<br /><br />This is a noble sentiment, but it rarely seems to work that way until one has gained some maturity, i.e. this is not characteristic of friendships in elementary or secondary school.<br /><br />That set me to thinking about childhood friends. Sure, we had good friends who stuck around for years, but I also remember thinking, even at the time, that some of those early friends that we just hung around for a few days, or a few weeks. Then, who knows what happened to them? Others, we were 'besties' for a year or two. As I mentioned a few days ago that the depth of our friendships can sometimes be defined by that element. <br /><br />Could it be this is how we mold our own definition of ourselves? Do we weed out who we are by who we hang with? Do we whittle away at those who don't mesh with us in a natural process? Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-10750185250088174652014-07-05T13:06:27.146-04:002014-07-05T13:06:27.146-04:00This thing you're talking about (the difficult...This thing you're talking about (the difficulty of distinguishing between potential dates and potential friends) has plagued me my entire life, and I'm excited that you've been dealing with it directly in stories. It's really awesome to hear about the BLE and Forbidden Fruit acceptances—the TOC for both is sounding better and better!Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.com