tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post4621195101029216276..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: The Abandoned Train CarAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-88784638753999332662014-05-09T21:22:05.931-04:002014-05-09T21:22:05.931-04:00Thank you! The conservative Christian thing can re...Thank you! The conservative Christian thing can really get me going in a bitter way. <br /><br />I liked your post about bridges. :)Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-13127438497700478352014-05-09T16:59:56.727-04:002014-05-09T16:59:56.727-04:00Annabeth, everyone else here has said everything a...Annabeth, everyone else here has said everything about your piece that I'm tempted to say. And I can understand about the ex who became a conservative Christian. (One of my ex-girlfriends did that, and kept trying to "rescue" me from "homosexuality" until I limited our conversations.) This is a hard post to follow!Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-66857541783765467942014-05-09T11:06:13.315-04:002014-05-09T11:06:13.315-04:00Thank you, Lisabet. And I feel for you about your ...Thank you, Lisabet. And I feel for you about your friend. It's always so hard for me when changing beliefs pull me apart from someone. <br /><br />It's been lovely to discuss this with people, so I'm really glad I posted it (I was pretty tempted to keep it to myself after I wrote it). I don't think I can stop writing along these lines now that I've opened the floodgates, though. I'm just so grateful to you and everyone else at the Grip for giving me such a great environment within which I could write about this. Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-7893541130427177892014-05-09T09:53:30.212-04:002014-05-09T09:53:30.212-04:00Oh, Annabeth, this is so achingly beautiful. I esp...Oh, Annabeth, this is so achingly beautiful. I especially felt the ending - your lover's conversion, the table between you... the memories that can't be shared.<br /><br />My first woman lover married an Orthodox Jew and became much more conservative. We are still close friends, but I at least sense a barrier - that night we never talk about.<br /><br />I agree with Jeremy et al., this is eminently publishable. But perhaps it is too personal and painful to expose to the entire world.<br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-73586253682386760412014-05-09T08:30:11.117-04:002014-05-09T08:30:11.117-04:00Thank you -- I'm glad my, um, response essay w...Thank you -- I'm glad my, um, response essay wasn't overwhelming. Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-24958606417981137672014-05-08T21:35:09.472-04:002014-05-08T21:35:09.472-04:00Wow! You do have a lot going on in your life! I do...Wow! You do have a lot going on in your life! I don't think it's a "choice" as much as a compulsion. My gay cousin dated girls a lot when he was in high school, but by his senior year he suspected that didn't do it for him, and he came out to himself then moved out to California to reinvent himself. One of the frat boys I had a couple of hook-ups with in college, I was told by the guy who introduced us, that he died of AIDS a few years after he graduated, having come out as gay by then. He sure didn't act gay when he was with me! But then how does "gay" act? <br /><br />I suppose if the norm was to be homosexual, I could fake it enough to get by. I wouldn't be as excited about the whole thing, or as engaged. But by closing my eyes I could just concentrate on the bodily sensations and probably fake it well enough. What is so sad is that so many people feel the need to do just that: fake it, because being true to themselves is so wrong in so many ways, be it to their families, their religions, etc. Or they risk censure of some sort...or rejection.<br /><br />I hope you find peace with yourself soon. Sometimes it's easier to stuff your own feelings under the carpet, especially to avoid hurting someone you care about. Other times the inner pressure becomes too unbearable for that. Whatever happens, you know your writing skill won't desert you. You have a way with words that doesn't depend on anything other than your "you-ness". It was a joy to read your memoir vignette. And thanks for sharing so openly. I feel honored by such an honest response.Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-64686391720618316942014-05-08T19:37:09.828-04:002014-05-08T19:37:09.828-04:00Thank you so much for reading! I was inspired by G...Thank you so much for reading! I was inspired by Garce's piece last week and comment that he'd like to hear everybody's first time story here someday, so maybe I should just pass the baton to you for your coming of age story...Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-38536108976569541142014-05-08T19:32:51.502-04:002014-05-08T19:32:51.502-04:00Thanks so much for the kind words about the tone, ...Thanks so much for the kind words about the tone, Fiona!<br /><br />It wasn't so long ago that I was in high school, but sometimes it feels like a different time entirely. I'm glad things have changed so much. <br /><br />As far as your question... That's a really tough one for me, and something I've been struggling with. It's a popular sentiment, and one that I cheerfully parroted for many years ("Don't worry, honey, it's just that I have the capacity to fall in love with twice as many people! But I'm choosing you!"). When I was younger, however, I tried (ultimately unsuccessfully) to negotiate polyamory without knowing the word or any of the guiding principles. <br /><br />I have seen many articles about bisexuality that say that it's the person, not the gender. But that idea sort of blew up in my face within the last year (see references to crying in post above). I began to perceive real differences in the way I react to various genders, and I began to feel longing for the way I express myself in other pairings than the one I'm in. I tried to comfort myself with the idea that it's the person, not the gender, but that hasn't put the thing to bed. I've been going around and around this question, not even really sure what the question is. I'm not sure anymore what my orientation is, and then sometimes I think that's the wrong way to approach things. <br /><br />I read Adrienne Rich's essay, "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence" just the other day, and I think I owe some credit to it for what I wrote here because it opened the way to what I said about mutuality. When I was 18 or so, I made a conscious decision to stop rebelling in the various ways that I was rebelling, and that included deciding to live a heterosexual life. (Which made me really confused later when everyone started saying sexuality isn't a choice—until I started to find that I couldn't actually choose to be heterosexual, even though I wanted to). But I think part of why I tried to choose that is that people frequently assumed I was "experimenting" with women as a phase. Because I wasn't willing to come out as lesbian, it turned everything I did into an "experiment," not a real desire. People were just sort of waiting for me to settle into the heterosexuality that they assumed was my destination. <br /><br />Which brings me to your point about straight men and lesbians. For most of my life, I felt that sort of "acceptance," but in my experience it's often been about the man's sexual fantasy, not a real acknowledgement of me and who I am attracted to/have feelings for. There was a fantastic episode of the TV show Happy Endings that dealt with this. A bisexual character, Jane, is having dinner with an ex of hers. When her husband, Brad, finds out that the ex is a woman, he's thrilled and demands to join the dinner. "This is going to be a great night!" he crows. When Jane informs him that no threesome is on the horizon, he downgrades to a "good night." When the dinner starts, he says, "Tell me all about your sexy past," and Jane throws back, "Sure. Remember the first night we said we loved each other?" Brad has forgotten that this was a real relationship, not entertainment for him, and I love her for calling him on it. <br /><br />My husband, to his credit, takes the feelings and reality outside of him seriously, but that has its own pitfalls. <br /><br />So as you can see by my essay in reply to you... this has been a thorny thing I've spent a ton of time thinking about lately. Incidentally, my erotica is what pushed me to this place. My writing seems to be a bit ahead of me, and it reveals issues I'd rather deny in my life. Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-30513785585109410562014-05-08T19:07:42.958-04:002014-05-08T19:07:42.958-04:00Wow, wow, wow, Annabeth. I've been working on ...Wow, wow, wow, Annabeth. I've been working on a coming of age piece, and now I may not. Just kidding, of course, but what an honest and heartfelt post that read as smoothly as can be. Thank you for that.Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-34974442005910526122014-05-08T18:12:51.283-04:002014-05-08T18:12:51.283-04:00Touching because it's so heartfelt. And the ...Touching because it's so heartfelt. And the tone is wondrous, as if you still can't believe it happened, though it did. These are the kind of memories that we'll hug ourselves in remembering, when we're too old to act on our desires, yet still find ourselves having them. <br /><br />I've been pondering as I walk through the halls of the schools I sub in. At one of them a girl once introduced herself to me in class, "I'm THE school lesbian." I smiled and asked if she had a girlfiend, "Of course!" "There there are at least two of you," Smiles all around.<br />But lately I've seen at least 3 or 4 girl couples who hold hands, walk each other to class, and even kiss as they part. I don't mean a quick buss on the cheek either...I mean deep, soul-kissing, tongue-involving kisses, like they'll never see each other again. (The kind the kids are always getting into trouble for, since PDAs of that kind are discouraged.) What I've been wondering is do any of the gay boys feel comfortable enough to do the same? If they do, I've never seen it...in any school. There are boys who wear make-up, dress and speak effeminately, batter their eyelashes and mince through the halls. There are boys about whom you'd never guess, until he gets up in front of class to talk about his favorite TV show and raves about all of the hot, sexy men in the show. The boys in the class nod, saying things quietly, like, "At least he's brave enough to say it," or "Whatever you're into, dude." But do the gay boys self-censure, to avoid becoming targets of someone else's rage?<br /><br />My personal belief is that straight men find it easier to accept lesbians beyond the obvious that they want to watch. They are attracted to women, so it's easy for them to figure that EVERYONE must be...even other women. But men? They find the idea of men being sexy repugnant--even going so far as to denigrate themselves as being, "hairy, gross, bad-smelling hulks." (Not in MY opinion!)<br /><br />Just wondering, Annabeth, do you agree with what I've been told by others, that you don't fall in love with a man or a woman, you fall in love with the person...their sex doesn't matter?Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-28253274458117710722014-05-08T17:11:08.997-04:002014-05-08T17:11:08.997-04:00Ha, thank you. I was inspired by the people you we...Ha, thank you. I was inspired by the people you were discussing in your post. :)Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-60450795338516669412014-05-08T10:48:08.211-04:002014-05-08T10:48:08.211-04:00Remember that audacity comment you made, Annabeth?...Remember that audacity comment you made, Annabeth? This is it. Braver. And so damn beautiful. :) I echo Jeremy's thoughts, above.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17109141822672278089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-44168922366543244432014-05-08T10:41:58.836-04:002014-05-08T10:41:58.836-04:00Thanks so much to you as well. Whether the train o...Thanks so much to you as well. Whether the train or the dam is cooler, they both seem deeply symbolic. Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-55452154749072512452014-05-08T10:39:04.196-04:002014-05-08T10:39:04.196-04:00Thank you so much, Jeremy. Posting here might be a...Thank you so much, Jeremy. Posting here might be all the publication I can handle for this at the moment, but I will shoot you an e-mail in case, and really, really appreciate the kind words. Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-44349739182343557482014-05-08T10:06:08.608-04:002014-05-08T10:06:08.608-04:00Exactly what Jeremy says. Beautifully felt, beauti...Exactly what Jeremy says. Beautifully felt, beautifully written. I think I've seen recent calls for personal stories like that, but Jeremy probably has a better handle on markets.<br /><br />The top of a train certainly trumps the top of a dam.Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-432670133958111582014-05-08T08:39:51.256-04:002014-05-08T08:39:51.256-04:00This is a beautiful, beautiful piece, Annabeth. Do...This is a beautiful, beautiful piece, Annabeth. Do you have any thoughts of publishing some version of it? A couple of ideas immediately occurred to me—places I might think about sending it, if this were my piece. If you'd like to hear my thoughts, please e-mail me (jerotic AT gmail DOT com).Jeremy Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01980177431018869829noreply@blogger.com