tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post7028678501200460192..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: Infidelity and the Gay ManAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-53008775955082977822015-10-28T22:25:23.818-04:002015-10-28T22:25:23.818-04:00Nice post. I rarely go to Pride because I feel lik...Nice post. I rarely go to Pride because I feel like it's not for me... which is pretty messed up when it's supposed to be exactly for me. These days it just seems like an excuse for teenagers to drink in public. The loudness makes me uncomfortable and the crowds give me extreme anxiety and I get a sunburn EVERY TIME and I could go on complaining, but I'll stop now. heh <br /><br />But I do like how strangers wish you Happy Pride. For some reason, that make me go, "I'm part of a community. Nice."Giselle Renardehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15955755448116234634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-72173969395277666202015-10-28T21:55:37.171-04:002015-10-28T21:55:37.171-04:00Oh, I totally agree -- each culture has its own st...Oh, I totally agree -- each culture has its own stresses. Straight men are supposed to be strong, macho, sexually predatory, and have zero emotional connection with other straight males. I couldn't imagine having to live by those rules.<br /><br />And while escapist erotica can be a lot of fun (and I read it from time to time), I also enjoy stuff that's a bit more serious, where the sex has consequences. Both are good, just depends on the mood I'm in. :)Cameron D. Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05825600675668853636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-12262781570160784762015-10-28T21:52:09.343-04:002015-10-28T21:52:09.343-04:00It's interesting you bring up the AIDS epidemi...It's interesting you bring up the AIDS epidemic -- with the missing generation of gay men, I wonder if the community is actually missing a whole generation of gay men who could be role models. Perhaps a whole generation has emerged without a suitable number of older role models and have had to find their own path through life and have taken on a sexualized role.<br /><br />And online hookups (or smartphone hookups) are totally part of this. In your profile, you're encouraged to classify yourself with sexualized labels. Twink, bear, otter, daddy, chubby, chaser, cub, bottom, top, versatile. And then, depending on the site/app, you're encouraged to list your sexual interests. Thus, men are meeting each other online and the FIRST thing they know about this man is that, say, he's a bottom bear into dominant twinks. If that's how gay men are used to meeting people, I don't know how they then move to meeting people in a more romantic context or even a friends-without-benefits context. (Even in a friends-without-benefits context, lines are blurred among gay men. I met one of my best friends at work and I know a lot about his sex life and certain measurements of his body.)<br /><br />Pride weekend here has been going on almost thirty years, so it's been a while. I don't understand it, though, because the Pride planning committee is made of men and women of a range of ages and racial backgrounds, yet 99% of official guests and entertainers are young gay white males (or drag queens). I would've expected that committee to bring in a range of guests that better represent the community at Pride.Cameron D. Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05825600675668853636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-29359791310467704462015-10-28T21:45:05.009-04:002015-10-28T21:45:05.009-04:00Hehe -- at 32, I'm considered an "older m...Hehe -- at 32, I'm considered an "older man" by many young guys. I'm in an awkward stage -- I'm too old to be a twink (but I look like a 19-year-old twink), but I'm too young to be a daddy (and I'm not hairy enough to be a bear or an otter). I'm sort of in a no-man's-land between the labels the gay male community imposes upon itself. As far as I know, there's no term for someone that looks like a twink but is too old to be one. And this bothers me... and I don't know why. I abhor labels, especially one that sexualizes me in one word, yet I long to know what I "am" in the gay community.Cameron D. Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05825600675668853636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-59284549392898312332015-10-28T21:41:17.326-04:002015-10-28T21:41:17.326-04:00I totally agree, Daddy X. Sometimes a fantasy (li...I totally agree, Daddy X. Sometimes a fantasy (lived out through a story) can give a huge sexual charge and reward without the messy complications of actual infidelity.Cameron D. Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05825600675668853636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-58162095133586082602015-10-28T00:34:10.661-04:002015-10-28T00:34:10.661-04:00Great post, Cameron.
Maybe the answer is that ga...Great post, Cameron. <br /><br />Maybe the answer is that gay erotica/erotic romance should illustrate (as your examples do) that the love/sex duality doesn't always work emotionally or even practically. Although some would argue that erotica should be escapist, I personally appreciate an author who can articulate the incredible complexity of desire and its consequences.<br /><br />I'd hate to be part of a culture with that much pressure--though I think straight male culture has some of the same stresses. <br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-83070119378657574352015-10-27T21:57:19.207-04:002015-10-27T21:57:19.207-04:00Do you think this might be a "phase" of ...Do you think this might be a "phase" of sorts, a reaction to both the (perceived, at least) retreat of the danger of AIDS and the accessibility, as you said, of wholesale online hookups? Maybe the youngsters drunk on freedom will be looking for more stable relationships as they get older. Or maybe not.<br /><br />Is your Pride weekend a fairly recent thing? Where I live (near Northampton, MA) we had one of the earliest Pride parades in the country, still going strong--but, being in a heavily lesbian area, these days there are more marchers accompanied by their kids and dogs than floats with drag queens--and I kind of miss that colorful energy. Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-33975684171797485622015-10-27T11:35:53.602-04:002015-10-27T11:35:53.602-04:00Cameron, you've identified something every one...Cameron, you've identified something every one of my gay-male friends has complained about. (And if I can trust what I hear, non-aggressive local gay men are about as likely to be date-raped as young straight women on the local college campus. I've heard alarming stories about spiked drinks.) The emphasis on sex seems to go with contempt for the "old" -- any guy over 40 who has not maintained an athlete's body. (All my friends are "old.") This makes me wonder: who forms culture? How many outsiders does it take to change it? (Actually, I've been told that "bear culture" developed as a reaction to the clone ideal. Maybe a cult of nesting or monogamy needs to emerge. )Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-58058352109238924422015-10-27T11:24:07.046-04:002015-10-27T11:24:07.046-04:00Considering how complicated a boots-on-the-ground ...Considering how complicated a boots-on-the-ground relationship can be, perhaps we write these stories as a surrogate for our true make-up, without the gamble of being hurt or hurting a loved one. Reading about transgressive behavior isn't nearly as dangerous as a potentially messy situation and may allow us to explore those emotions with confidence. Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.com