tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post1365293496344813362..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: It's a Shoreline, Not an Edge ( #BDSM #SafeWord )Ashe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-34608497558071388172017-05-06T08:11:57.364-04:002017-05-06T08:11:57.364-04:00This is a really good point, too. The relationship...This is a really good point, too. The relationship can certainly affect an edge situation, and I think it's always good (if possible) to consider emotions like that, and how they might affect a scene. <br /><br />I believe I've written here before about a time I got pretty stupid about doing wild, risky things, just because I was super attracted to the top.Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-53836508060611268662017-05-06T08:10:43.344-04:002017-05-06T08:10:43.344-04:00Hey thanks for this comment, Alex. This is a great...Hey thanks for this comment, Alex. This is a great example of the type of thing that makes a safeword a bit complicated to use, and you're very right to point out that playing with long-term partners can help. <br /><br />You're also totally right about how certain things feel different at different points in a scene. Once I'm in deep, I absolutely LOVE those giant heavy wooden paddles, but if a partner started out with one of those, I'd panic and say red immediately. The edge certainly moves during the course of a scene, and that's another way I think the shoreline metaphor is good.<br /><br />Really appreciate you reading and commenting. :)Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-21069038338752202652017-05-05T10:31:56.769-04:002017-05-05T10:31:56.769-04:00Complicated interpersonal relationships can be &qu...Complicated interpersonal relationships can be "in play" in play. I've observed cases (okay, maybe just one case) where a bottom comes close to going too far out of an intense desire to please the top, and perhaps even to compete with another bottom she regards as a challenge. A really good top can handle this situation, but tops get swept up in the flow of endorphins, too. <br /><br />I've seen relationships form, and sometimes fracture, in the arena of BDSM play when there's more than play involved. Of course those relationships involve a whole lot more than edge play, or play of any kind. Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-60879786297939388162017-05-05T09:52:57.625-04:002017-05-05T09:52:57.625-04:00And there's still that outside factors can cha...And there's still that outside factors can change how intense something is. For me, going straight into any kind of pain doesn't work, even fairly mild hair pulling, unless I'm already aroused. So that's a "yellow" situation right off the bat, even if it's the same or even much less intense than I could handle otherwise.<br /><br />I also get nonverbal a lot, so I actually wind up using something more like a tap-out or head nod/shake.) If I'm still verbal, it's too early to start anything... so I wind up only playing with long-term partners for anything pain-related.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01476739382162784615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-91341963244064714332017-05-05T09:22:07.306-04:002017-05-05T09:22:07.306-04:00Thanks so much, Daddy X! Being honest even when it...Thanks so much, Daddy X! Being honest even when it scares me is one of my major goals with writing, so I'm very glad that comes through. :)Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-40631814791539911622017-05-05T09:21:35.097-04:002017-05-05T09:21:35.097-04:00Aww, thanks. So glad you like the post.
Your sen...Aww, thanks. So glad you like the post. <br /><br />Your sentence that starts "we are not unitary beings" is it exactly. <br /><br />I've at times worried about the questions you raise about running out of edges, but at this point in my life I feel comforted. I think about it like exercise. I'm always pushing myself physically, and sometimes I do get hurt. But I haven't run out of ways to push, not at all, and I'm far from an Olympian. An experience that pushes me emotionally and physically today will probably still push me emotionally and physically a couple of months from now. I'm not sure why I used to think I would chew through those experiences so quickly (maybe it's something about the escalation with which books are often written). In real life, an intense spanking scene is still an intense spanking scene. <br /><br />There are ways things can feel intense when I'm frightened and doing them for the first time, it's true, but I still feel that intensity in other ways later. For example, ass play is still very intense for me, even though I'm far from my first time. It still involves pushing myself to handle my fear. <br /><br /><3 <3Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-28455728993691065002017-05-04T21:31:18.897-04:002017-05-04T21:31:18.897-04:00Yes, Annabeth-
Here's seconding Lisabet's...Yes, Annabeth-<br /><br />Here's seconding Lisabet's comments. You sure do tell it like it is for you. Thanks so much for posting this dynamite piece.Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-76541122210966097192017-05-04T09:48:09.841-04:002017-05-04T09:48:09.841-04:00This post should be required reading by anyone att...This post should be required reading by anyone attracted to or engaging in BDSM. I'd extend this to say that "safe, sane and consensual" are equally muddy concepts to "safeword" when you're actually in the middle of a scene. We are not unitary beings, but bundles of conflicting impulses, and can simultaneously want and not want something to be happening.<br /><br />I also really resonate with your notion that pushing limits may be the essence of BDSM. It's a huge part of the thrill to go deeper, endure more, give more to the dominant, be willing to step closer to the edge even though you're terrified. There's an idea I've explored several times in my stories; in a long-term BDSM relationship, will you eventually either run out of edges, or do something so extreme that there's permanent damage? If not, what are the alternatives?<br /><br />Great, great post!Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.com