tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post3649152817079915310..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: Making Myself Look BadAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-21100201110779263792015-12-16T12:17:50.672-05:002015-12-16T12:17:50.672-05:00I definitely agree that this is a good tactic. As ...I definitely agree that this is a good tactic. As Sacchi points out, it does also have a bit of an easier said than done quality, but fingers crossed!Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-37159190040947023782015-12-16T12:12:20.238-05:002015-12-16T12:12:20.238-05:00Yes, "Lies we tell ourselves" would cert...Yes, "Lies we tell ourselves" would certainly have worked. <br /><br />And I do feel this is tragic. I write about it a lot now because I'm still sorting through all my feelings about it. Thank you for giving me an outlet to do so!Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-29096146000994254832015-12-16T12:11:31.615-05:002015-12-16T12:11:31.615-05:00Haha I enjoy the complexity of the way you look at...Haha I enjoy the complexity of the way you look at it. I think it's nice to have the PR agent nature. I always admire the friends I have who are like that. I hope to become more like that someday. :DAnnabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-6025258338354178342015-12-16T12:10:31.642-05:002015-12-16T12:10:31.642-05:00This is one of the reasons I look forward to getti...This is one of the reasons I look forward to getting older. I feel like older people seem a bit more able to accept themselves as they are. You're a great example. :)Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-70756966527296787412015-12-04T10:29:45.468-05:002015-12-04T10:29:45.468-05:00I've found that one way to approach feelings o...<i>I've found that one way to approach feelings of guilt about things you do or want is to ask yourself whether you think other people who do those things are bad. If you don't feel judgmental about them, feeling judgmental about yourself doesn't make much sense.</i><br /><br />I think that's such an important "perspective tool," Sacchi. I've recommended that type of thinking to people even for little things, e.g., "You're tearing yourself up because of some trivial faux pas you think you may have made when talking to your friend the other day. If the shoe were on the other foot, would <i>you</i> be likely to have taken lasting offense at a good friend's trivial goof, or want your friend to be worrying about it for days afterward? Cut yourself the same slack you'd automatically cut someone else." Jeremy Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01980177431018869829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-42857944670882085452015-12-04T10:22:26.872-05:002015-12-04T10:22:26.872-05:00I've found that one way to approach feelings o...I've found that one way to approach feelings of guilt about things you do or want is to ask yourself whether you think other people who do those things are bad. If you don't feel judgmental about them, feeling judgmental about yourself doesn't make much sense. If you DO feel judgmental about them, well, maybe that's something to work on. Noticing the good in those other people you get to know is a step in the right direction. <br /><br />But I know the fallacy here is that guilt and making sense have nothing to do with each other, and guilt installed at an early age can have later effects very much like PTSD.Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-24367405769535370912015-12-04T07:32:07.811-05:002015-12-04T07:32:07.811-05:00The title of this post might have been "Lies ...The title of this post might have been "Lies we tell ourselves". You were telling other people that you were a bad person, but every time you say something like that, it reinforces the negative self-perceptions, too.<br /><br />And once again, I have a fresh appreciation for the pain and conflict you've been through because of your desire for women. I really feel this is tragic--that you couldn't own and celebrate the delight you took in this woman whom you could not allow yourself to get close to without all sorts of excuses.<br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-9172792582448530162015-12-03T11:28:31.189-05:002015-12-03T11:28:31.189-05:00Isn't it interesting how, in the self-image ar...Isn't it interesting how, in the self-image arena, there are people whose impulse is to be "hard on themselves," and then there are people who are their own best PR agents. I'm not thinking of lies here, but of the grayer territory of how one interprets and judges one's own behavior, whether it be in talking to others or talking only to oneself. Your perspective on your own self-presentation, Annabeth, of course gives a very specific analysis. So I don't want to oversimplify or overgeneralize—and I'm always suspicious of dichotomies—but I wonder to what extent it could be said that most people fall into either the "hard on myself" or the "I'm my own best PR agent" category. Looking at myself: It's very important to me to try to be objective about my shortcomings, not to be in denial or fall back on rationalizing... and, as a result of holding myself to an unflinching rigor in this respect, I may sometimes end up being "hard on myself" in an overcompensatory kind of way. (Which, I realize, is a pretty different phenomenon from what you're describing above.) However, by <i>nature</i> I am definitely in the "I'm my own best PR agent" mold. At least I used to be; by now maybe I've internalized the self-criticism and observed enough of my own shortcomings and limitations over the years to have lost the PR impulse, at least in some spheres. (:v>Jeremy Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01980177431018869829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-82317810383710403882015-12-03T10:48:46.383-05:002015-12-03T10:48:46.383-05:00Shame how we can be our own worst critics, especia...Shame how we can be our own worst critics, especially when we do something that seems to come naturally. Then we know it's the 'real' me. Then we feel like we have to make excuses for who we are. If only people realized that the purpose of life is to experience this world in this body we're privileged to command. It's the only thing we can be sure of this time around.Daddy Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12927663248424944119noreply@blogger.com