tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post7674679658327558373..comments2023-10-25T05:30:54.507-04:00Comments on Oh Get A Grip!: Motherhood and apple pieAshe Barkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390519279886657608noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-11926716887006230972017-06-29T15:22:14.789-04:002017-06-29T15:22:14.789-04:00I don't have children and don't plan to, s...I don't have children and don't plan to, so I'll just watch and listen on this one. I'm glad that advice was helpful to you, Ashe!Annabeth Leonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455191827664110878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-33519061210647435912017-06-28T12:18:51.391-04:002017-06-28T12:18:51.391-04:00Some people care about family history; others, not...Some people care about family history; others, not so much. I used to visit Mom's oldest sister in her assisted living place, to get her talking about the old days, since she was the oldest of 10 and Mom was 8th. But her own daughter told her those stories were boring and old. I think stories should be shared, and maybe someone in the next generation will care enough to remember. Besides leaving your genetics behind, I think it's the only immortality most of us can have.Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-83381308533162620292017-06-28T12:15:06.736-04:002017-06-28T12:15:06.736-04:00They tease me that it will take years of expensive...They tease me that it will take years of expensive therapy to forget how unconventional their mom was when they were young. I remind them that contributed to who they are now, and I consider them my best friends. There are no set-in-stone rules for how to parent. We all give it our own spin...and kids usually turn out OK, sometimes because of us, sometimes despite us.Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-64387631657898910052017-06-28T09:08:11.098-04:002017-06-28T09:08:11.098-04:00The real test is not what they remember, but how t...The real test is not what they remember, but how they turned out. I'll bet all four of them are super human beings. What else could you ask for?Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-27509170777348592142017-06-27T21:38:18.100-04:002017-06-27T21:38:18.100-04:00I'm at the point of wondering what my granddau...I'm at the point of wondering what my granddaughter will remember of me (besides my pinwheel cookies) and trying to tell her stories about my own mother, who she can only remember as a very old woman who was too deaf and often hazy to tell her own stories, which are definitely worth telling.Sacchi Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10801164916418570059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-22888252364616820922017-06-27T15:35:50.549-04:002017-06-27T15:35:50.549-04:00Just got back from visiting the website posted by ...Just got back from visiting the website posted by Rhode Red. My kids are well aware that I often told them no. I didn't do their homework for them. When I worked late at night, I didn't get up in the morning to make them breakfast or lunch. They could pour cereal in a bowl as well as I could, and when they packed their own lunches, they ate it all. So they tiptoed in and kissed me goodbye as they left for school.<br /><br />And when I entered my mid-life crisis in my 40's and started getting multiple tattoos, they shrugged when other kids told them their mom looked kind of weird and un-mom-like, with all of those tattoos. And when I blasted heavy metal music in the car, the girl scouts always wanted to ride with me, not my co-leader, when her music was always Disney songs. <br /><br />Like I said in my answer above, we all need to make the choices ourselves, and our kids are always watching. And they need to see parents who are tired/cranky/fighting, as well as parents who adore each other and kiss and fondle each other until the older ones told us to "get a room." We reminded them we have an entire house, and as soon as they moved out, we could go back to sleeping naked and having sex on the dining room table. They'd look at the table they were sitting at and say, "EW!" Snicker.Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-20818674503522776462017-06-27T15:23:47.521-04:002017-06-27T15:23:47.521-04:00What I took from the post is that good moms come i...What I took from the post is that good moms come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Most of us do our best, at the only job for which there is absolutely NO training or classes with tips and information to master. <br /><br />When our kids arrived, 4 in 5 years, we made the decision that one of us should be home with them, and it was to be me since I made a whole lot less money, despite being the one with a 4-year degree (don't get me started on how an English degree is only useful for toilet paper, since no employer values being well-read or written.) I baked, cooked, sewed, joined playgroups, took them to cultural and nature-themed events, and was always here for them when they got home. I volunteered at their schools and joined the PTA; I also worked as a paid lunch-mom, while doing home daycare and working retail at nights and on weekends. So I was "at home" when their Dad was at work, then working when he was home. <br /><br />Now that they are adults, I'm chagrined to discover that none of them remember the places I took them to, yearly or once in a while, despite them having a great time when we were there. I bemoan the fact that I gave up any hope of future career aspirations when I chose to stay home. And for my sacrifice they don't even remember what I stayed home to do for them!<br /><br />But I will never be able to make much more than minimum wage, since I stayed home with them. The one chance I had years ago to get a full-time teaching job was kiboshed by the female principal at the final interview, after I had already been presented to the other teachers in the English department as their new colleague. She asked me why I stayed home with my kids instead of going back to work. I stammered something about wanting to be there for their early development. Later the department chair shared with me that she told him she "didn't think I could handle the job." And that was that. <br /><br />I didn't think this blog was blasting moms who work, anymore than it was extolling the virtues of being Susy Homemaker. It was talking about how we all make choices and do the best we can for our kids. I feel like I did the best I could at the hardest job I'll ever have in my life, and the one I didn't get paid for (in money, anyway.) <br /><br />But I counseled a sister-in-law who was worried about how to reconnect with her mom before her mom passed on from cancer. She said they had never been close, and she didn't know how to tell her mom she loved her, despite that. I told her to tell her mom she'd been a "good enough" mom. That's all I really want to hear from my kids, now, and when I'm ancient. I want to know that they thought I did a good enough job--that they were able to develop into the people they wanted to become, with a minimum of interference from me, and as much help from me as they needed. That's what parenting is: finding that fine line between helping enough but not too much, and encouraging without interfering with who they are destined to become.<br />Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-56954520937017539232017-06-27T09:33:53.092-04:002017-06-27T09:33:53.092-04:00BTW: Emily of Emily Writes is perhaps the most ins...BTW: Emily of Emily Writes is perhaps the most insightful, poetic and meaningful writer on what being a great mother really means both for yourself and your child. She's the New Zealand woman who did that hilarious drunken review of the latest Tarzan movie, that went viral last year. On a far more serious note, here are her thoughts on why women must not give in to cultural messages about the importance of doing 'more' for their children and less for themselves: https://thespinoff.co.nz/parenting/22-05-2017/emily-writes-we-are-allowed-to-say-no/Rhode Redhttp://twitter.com/rhoderedpvdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-49888332812479918682017-06-27T09:20:15.538-04:002017-06-27T09:20:15.538-04:00Oh. I feel as though I've been stomach punched...Oh. I feel as though I've been stomach punched. A story about a bad mother (who appears to be uneducated or not that bright, but certainly no high flying career woman), prefaced by the author's commentary strongly implying that mothers with strong careers are bad mothers. that to be a good parent, a female parent must make homecooked meals, etc. No mention of what a male parent's role is, invisibility perhaps? <br /><br />Well, listen up, the best mothers I have ever met all had jobs with long hours and weren't that great at cooking. The best mothers are those who love their children and model for their children a well rounded life with many responsibilities and rewards both in and outside them home. My best friend who is the CEO of an Inc 500 company, who works long hours and is frequently away from home on business trips, is an incredibly good mom. Because her daughter knows when the attention is on her, it is all on her. And her daughter can see an image of a woman who is making a better world as well as a family. Plus her daughter sees that fathers are also responsible for homemaking and childcare. <br /><br />In our world today, sadly there are FAR more inept, inadequate or deadbeat fathers than there are mothers. Yet, we are drowning in a mediascape of stories and images pushing women to be more selflessly parents. And you just contributed to that. Rhode redhttp://twitter.com/rhoderedpvdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9156334464585894857.post-37328398915691113012017-06-27T07:19:21.277-04:002017-06-27T07:19:21.277-04:00What a coincidence! This went up on my blog today:...What a coincidence! This went up on my blog today:<br /><br /><a href="http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2017/06/review-tuesday-spirit-by-ashebarker.html" rel="nofollow">http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2017/06/review-tuesday-spirit-by-ashebarker.html</a><br /><br />I loved this bit--seeing things from the other side of the rift!Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.com