A Note from Volponia

A note to readers: This blog entry is not inspirational, but it is relevant to the motherhood theme.

Being a mother had a huge influence on my writing. I hated the day-to-day of my maternal role so much that I got off my ass, went back to work and became a writer and editor for the U.S. Army. It's not that the love for my offspring wasn't there; it's the satisfaction factor that was missing.

As the millions of parents who do this know, working full time and parenting kids, too, is a big, fat, hard job with enormous potential for guilt and benign neglect. But if somebody gave me a do-over, I would go back to work again in a heartbeat.

Lovable as children are, to them you are Mommy or Daddy, not your whole self. For many adults, that's fine; they seem hard-wired to love all the details of nurturing, including putting their own wants and needs on the back burner when necessary. But for attention junkies like me, it's hard to take.

Writing as a profession brought many rewards, including a salary and recognition. Writing erotica for fun is more of a release and kind of self-inflicted therapy. My main characters are usually some version of myself, but they are better-looking, more confident, sometimes more loving, sometimes even more selfish. They are me all wrapped up, sometimes in foil paper and silk ribbons, sometimes in old newspaper and duct tape.

These days, most of the writing I do is (to dress it up in finery) epistolary. By that, I mean that writing to a listserv meets my need to express my ideas and opinions. 'What/' you say? 'Not exchange ideas and opinions?' I do enjoy the exchanges, but my interest in them is trumped by a fierce need to speak my own piece.

Keeping a journal would be more honest, but somehow the knowledge that nobody else will read it flummoxes me and leaves me, well, speechless. It takes an audience – even an imaginary one – to defrost my thoughts.

For someone who has struggled with a lifelong conviction of her own inadequacy, I find myself endlessly interesting. You can find me in the PDR under 'histrionic personality disorder.'

- Volponia Fox