Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Big Dicks

All right, I’ll do it. I’ll be the first to address the obvious innuendo in this fortnight’s topic — “Short and Long”. And I’m going to make a statement that some might find controversial. Ready?

When it comes to dicks, bigger is NOT always better.

I’m far from being the most experienced gay, but I’ve had my share of dicks in me. The smallest was maybe an inch and a half and very slender, and the largest was ten inches (yes, I measured) and very thick.

What I’ve found through all of these experiences is that size really has little — perhaps even nothing — to do with how enjoyable sex is.  There is, perhaps, a minimum length needed for penetration to be enjoyable, but if I have a deep connection with that partner and we’re both willing to be experimental and have some fun, there are lots of ways to make sex exceptional, even with a shortage of inches.

If someone is too long, then they can go too deep. Yes, there’s a thing as going too deep. If it goes too deep, it can be uncomfortable, perhaps even painful, depending on how fast he’s thrusting or where he’s hitting.

Mr. Ten Inches was a good sexual partner. He tried to be in tune with my body and reacted to the sounds I let out or the faces I made — so if he was in too deep and it was hurting, he would change positions or ease out a bit. He tried to make my pleasure a focus of our activity. I had another long guy a few years back, maybe eight or nine inches — he wasn’t long enough to hit me in the wrong places, like Mr. Ten Inches could sometimes do — but he was a bad sexual partner. I was too entranced by his perfect body to realize that he was just bad at sex. His focus was entirely on himself and his own pleasure.

My most enjoyable sexual partners — and the most effective at pleasuring me — have been those with average sized dicks, or even those on the smaller side. Perhaps it’s because these men aren’t overconfident in their length and girth being the determining factor in how good they are as a lover… and so they take the time to exercise technique, experiment with new positions, perhaps introduce some toys or props, and emphasize the connection between us over the base carnality of the act.

Big dicks are certainly nice to look at. If I’m watching porn, I usually prefer bigger dicks (although that’s certainly not the determining factor in what I choose to watch). And I’m sure we’ll get no argument here that porn has affected what people view as a “normal” dick size, leaving many men feeling inadequate. In gay culture, there’s certainly an emphasis on size, that bigger is ALWAYS better. However, most bottoms (gay slang for the receiving partner) I know will admit that there’s a limit to how big they like a guy to be.

Being an author of erotica and erotic fiction, I’m technically part of the “sex entertainment” industry. Sometimes I will include larger-than-life dicks, if it suits the mood I’m building in the story. For the most part, though, I aim for average to slightly-larger-than-average lengths, in order to make it more realistic and immediate. I know that for me as a reader, finding out a character has a twelve-inch dick can take me out of the story just as much as a plot hole or a POV violation — because it makes me cringe at the thought of taking twelve inches and knowing it likely wouldn’t be enjoyable in real life.

Cameron D. James is a writer of gay erotica and M/M erotic romance; his latest release is The President And The Rentboy (co-written with Sandra Claire). He is also the publisher and co-founder of Deep Desires Press, a publisher of erotica and high-heat-level erotic romance. He lives in Canada, is always crushing on Starbucks baristas, and has two rescue cats. To learn more about Cameron, visit http://www.camerondjames.com.


  1. Certainly the size of an object of power can have a psychological effect that doesn't particularly hold up to the reality. After all, body parts will stretch to accommodate, but only up to a point. See my story "Size Matters" in Brand X. It's Hetro though.

    1. I like to explore my bicurious side sometimes with straight erotica. ;)

  2. I try to avoid the "enormous penis" trope in my fiction, but it's very much ingrained in the erotica and erotic romance genre. And yeah, even though a really large dick can hurt in reality, it's a bit of a turn on in fantasy.

    I have several stories featuring literal "monster dicks". In one, the penis in question belongs to a wolf shifter. In my upcoming release, it's a demon dick. I have to admit I had fun writing both.

    1. I should say that huge equipment is very common in het erotic romance.

      Actually, it's a bit strange that women have been so conditioned to think big men are sexy. Another sign of patriarchy?

  3. While het erotica does get off on size, my general impression is that gay erotica is even more obsessed with citing exact measurements. Maybe that proves that men really are more mathematically inclined than women.

    1. You mean het erotica doesn't describe it as a "7.5 inches with a 5 inch girth, circumcised, bulbous at the head, the head shiny and hark with a slit measuring exactly 1/4 inch, with a tantalizing vein running lazily up the side"???


      Some details are better left to the imagination. :)

  4. I'm glad you took this here, Cameron. Someone had to! For my part, I've always been super turned off by the large penis erotica, especially once it gets mathematical. The first man I slept with was very large, and it was awkward and painful. So, due to personal experience, I never developed the fantasy...


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