HOMG PUPPIES

Every week, I make myself a little list. It's usually on the back of an old envelope or something similarly pathetic, and invariably I will forget that this scrap of useless paper actually holds the most vital info in the known universe, and accidentally throw it away or similar. And then of course I'll have a panic attack, because what if I've forgotten one of the things on the list? What if there's a deadline I've failed to remember, and I'm about to run into the most awful calamity?

Of course, I usually end up running into calamity anyway. Like on Saturday, when an editor politely enquired as to how I was doing with a novella they'd contracted, and I realised I'd actually written the deadline date down wrong.

That's right. My fooking stupid envelope system collapse in on itself, like a dying star. It's inevitable though, really, because here's what my current list looks like:

* Do that thing one time

* And that other thing that you didn't do the time before

* Watch the Mirror Mirror trailer again and die of orgasms when Armie Hammer actually becomes a big puppy, just like in all the weird ass probably bestiality related fantasies you've ever had about him

* Finish that story you still haven't done

* And that other story. Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about. Don't ignore me

* Watch Armie Hammer kissing Leonardo de Whatsit. Again. Yeah. You can see why this list system keeps failing, right? I hate you

* Finish this novella for a date you've just passed

* Finish this novel for an insane time, like next week

* Print out this thing

* Yeah, this thing that you'd forgotten about cos it's on the other computer

* Make seventeen cover requests

* Then forget to email them

* Write twenty blog posts

* Then forget to post them

* HOMG ARMIE HAMMER IS ACTUALLY BEING A PUPPY

* Do edits for this thing

* And these other edits too

* Don't sleep ever, and get this weird sticky stuff coming out of your eye because your eye IS READY TO REBEL

* And I swear to God, if you start writing that fantasy world story where Armie Hammer is a big puppy instead of all the rest of the masses and masses of stuff on this list, I WILL END YOU

My list is very angry. It has issues, and shit. I'm taking it to counselling next week.

If I can find it.



P.S. Just want to thank Lisabet especially but all the other Grippers too for being massively understanding during my trying time of failing as a human being. Massive hugs, you guys.