I'm in a really weird place at the moment. I can write (it's a miracle!). But I don't know what I should be writing. I'm in that wonderful but terrifying place of not knowing what it would be best to attempt next. The idea of "what would be best for my career?" is getting in the way of actually focusing on one WIP and getting it done.
Instead I'm focusing on seventy thousand WIPs and getting none of them done.
Though I can't say I'm not happy. Or that I'm not grateful to actually be poised on this precipice. I almost actually have a career! My writing mojo is slowly coming back! More than five people like my work! All of those things seem like legit miracles. But I still can't stop thinking:
What if I write the wrong thing? My next book could be the one that everyone hates. Maybe it will put them off me for life, and then what? I just don't know, and as ludicrous as this idea probably is, it's paralysing me a bit. I can write, but I can't get past chapter three.
And when I do get past chapter three, I'm never happy with what I wrote. Suddenly that amazing beginning has descended into absolute nonsense. People are doing boring things. The story has turned boring. It's stalled and I'm not pleased.
Then this feeling starts feeding into everything. The next paragraph isn't right! This blog post isn't right! I don't like my tweets: they're going to make everyone hate me!
It's a sickness. But I'm working my out of it, slowly. That's what writing's about, really: overcoming the obstacles, little by little. Finding ways round them, talking yourself up. Never letting them grind you down. And I won't. Because I want that writing career.
And I'm going to keep going until I have it.
P.S. Many apologies to Garce again for the late posting of this. My computer froze mid-post - I'm just not having any luck with blogger at the moment.
P.P.S I have a couple of new books out at the minute, if you wanted to take a gander! There's the utterly filthy (seriously. People are calling it the filthiest book they've ever read) menage tale Make Me, here:
And the more romantic but still sizzling hot tale of a repressed dude being unwound by a dirty talking gal, here:
That last one's only about a dollar!