Authors Are So Neurotic

by Giselle Renarde

Let's get all deep and psychological, k?

I've got two novels sitting at the back of my hard drive.  I wrote them.  It took aaaaaages.  Now all I need is to edit the hell out of them before sending them out to publishers.  Every so often I open one of the files, thinking, "This is it.  I'm going at this thing, hardcore!"  I read one chapter, make some changes... and then I shut it down.

I like these books.  I mean, I REALLY like them.  It's not like I'm putting off editing because I think it's going to be difficult and time-consuming (though, realistically, it probably will be).

So, why am I procrastinating?

Because, once I'm finised with the edits, I'll have to decide what to do with these manuscripts.

Do I send them to publishers I've worked with before?  Makes sense. The possibility of getting a contract is higher at houses where I've already established roots.  But maybe I should take a chance by sending them somewhere new.  Is new better?  The grass is always greener at that other publishing house.  Oh, if I get in there, just image the distribution, the sales!  Imagine finally being able to pay the rent AND eat more than oatmeal for every meal!

Except, it never works out that way.

I've been here before.  I've sent my work to that perfect publisher, been accepted, and felt thrilled because this is it!  This is the book that'll hit the big-time!

And then... it doesn't.  We authors have such high hopes, but they never seem to pan out.  I've heard from writers contracted by the big publishing houses that they've never earned out their advances.  Bigger doesn't necessarily mean better.

Regardless of publisher, once a book is up for sale you've got to market the hell out of it.  Still, if nobody's interested, they're not going to buy.  And if you've worked your ass off on a manuscript and nobody buys it, how do you feel?  That's right--like a failure.

Take The Red Satin Collection as an example.  My trans lesbian Christmas erotic romance won the 2012 Rainbow Award for Best Transgender Romance/Erotic Romance, but... I won't even tell you how few copies sell.  It's too embarrassing.

So, do I feel proud that my book won an award, or ashamed because nobody buys it?  I'll give you one guess.

Or what if a book sells really well, but the whole world hates it?

I've been there, too.

My book Stacy's Dad has got it Going On was an Amazon bestseller.  It hit the ground running.  And then the reader reviews came in: "OMG so boring! Worst book ever!"  That might even be a direct quote.  I tried to put it out of my head.  Professional reviews were highly complimentary, but readers hated it.  (Seems odd to distinguist between readers and reviewers, since the readers are posting reviews and reviewers are obviously reading the books.)

And once that title became plagued by 1-star reviews, that was it.  Sales dried up.  The end.

It's no wonder I'm procrastinating when it comes to getting these two lying-in-wait novels on the market.  In my mind, they're either going to sell and be hated, or be loved and barely earn me enough to buy oatmeal.  Those are the only options.

And they wonder why authors are so neurotic?

--
Giselle Renarde  
Canada just got hotter!

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