Wednesday, March 19, 2014

"Perplexed": A Story about technology

 Dear Playboy Forum;
           I just got my first virgin lovebot, after renting off and on for the last three years. For the first time I'm not getting off on somebody else's used cunt and I love it. The dealer answered most of my questions. It’s a warm hearted little Toyota Keiko 7E. It ain’t much, but she’s a starter and she can go at it all night on one charge. I'm going to get a sports model someday and saddle up proper. I expect to get a good tax return this year. That and some savings. So my question, what's a good model for some high class loving when I’m ready to move up? Thanks!
                  Perplexed 


Dear Perplexed
          Congratulations Perplexed and welcome to the club of the world’s most satisfied men. Don’t underestimate your new Keiko. The sturdy Toyota Keiko E series is an excellent entry level lovebot and has some fine features. Many an aficionado, including this columnist, has happy memories of their first love, and for most of us that was the sweet tempered Keiko. Even after our livery has grown, we keep these classic originals well maintained, charged up and ready for some hot action. The very collectible Toyota Keiko B series is still regarded by many connoisseurs of the legacy Japanese lovebots as one of the all-time best for doin’ it doggy due to the reinforced Banjo Pan rear chassis suspension, and Teflon flared interior sills. The tough little Keiko is known to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’ and she can bend over and grab her ankles with the best of them. No one ever heard of a Keiko tipping over under a good reaming thanks to those old fashioned analog quad-gyroscopics you just can’t beat for maintaining vertical balance under stress.
          The Toyota Keiko has stood the test of time, as compared to the ill fated Ford Rocket "Vibrato". The Ford Vibrato was also especially designed for anal sex lovers on a budget, but infamously ran into serious trouble with the Sensual Solutions rectal sphincter actuator. Upon the sensor detection of male penile insertion, the steel rimmed vacuum bellows of the actuator displayed a tendency to collapse violently and jam in place without mercy. This gave the Rocket Vibrato the unfortunate moniker of the “Bobbit Castrato” until a class action civil suit put the series out of production, in spite of a massive recall effort by Ford.
          But you'll probably be ready to move up soon. Most Bottboys start out with a Toyota Keiko or a Ford Escort A series, or the venerable Honda 202 HO. There are some dozen Lovebot Swingers clubs available in your neck of the woods which isn’t that far on the bullet train, so there’s no reason not to play the field a little and find out what else is out there.
          Get 'er done Bottboy!



Dear Playboy Forum;
           I wrote to you last year about receiving my first lovebot, it was a Toyota Keiko. She ran out of tricks pretty fast but we still have good times. I ran into a little money on Cap and Trade recycling investments and a tax refund from letting out some farm land for a nuclear waste dump. Let’s just say this - I can afford the best. So what is the best? What is the ultimate lovebot fuck-heaven angel kit in the whole world? You always see guys banging the Lamborghini's and Ferrari's on the cop shows. I did a test lease with a luxury dealer and the Lamborghini was pretty good in the sack, and she made some wicked lasagna for me afterwards. But in the pillow talk department, you may as well talk to a tire pump. What I found out is I really like good pillow talk. What's the top of the line for conversationally skilled lovebots with a good upgrade trajectory?
                     Still Perplexed 


Dear Perplexed;                
          If you’re looking for the ultimate girlfriend experience, you're probably ready to move up from the Keiko series which will definitely never win any competition prizes for their conversation.
          A good mid range lovebot would be the Fokker Xaviera with a world class verbal pattern scanning parser by Chatty Kathy Cybernetics, but which can still set you back a cool $150K. It has the advantage of being persona upgradeable by subscription. But if you’re looking for the ultimate sweet ride performance, and money is no object, you'll want to mount a test ride on top of either a Lamborghini  Rossellini Signature series or an Igeyasu Luxury Geisha Series. Between the two, the Geisha series is made to be the ultimate soul mate. High end Igeyasu’s shine out from the crowd with Turing dedicated pattern scanning algorithms as a standard, Kurzweil 7X Singularity Chipsets, and Telefunken .005 spun tungsten neural nets, making it the lovebot of choice if you're looking for something beyond just a terrific piece of ass. The Lamborghini is a real screamer and can accelerate from lying still to getting you off hard in sixty seconds. The Rossellini comes with easily adjustable levels of sexual aggression from terrified virgin (weeping and pleading) to insatiable nymphomaniac at the touch of a key, but she’s not made for serious yik-yak. Face it. When an Italian made lovebot opens her mouth she’s only got one thing on her mind.
          The Geisha series has a lifetime drive train warranty, and is famous for having an almost limitlessly upgradeable intelligence schema. So between the two, the Geisha is going to be more oriented toward the elite girlfriend experience you’ve been looking for.
          Check out last year’s September 2076 special “Vixens of Steel” pictorial and you'll see the most recent line of Geisha L Series and a few cream-in-your-jeans custom job Minomoto White Tigresses. The multi armed Minomotos are ambidextrous by standard and designed especially for ménage a trois.
          Let us know how your choice turns out. And congratulations!



Dear Playboy Forum;
          Last week I purchased an Igeyasu Geisha L "Naomi Tani" Signature series model with the latest Kurzweil Singularity chipset, and goddamn am I sleep deprived and happy! It cost me the gross national product of a small nation to buy, but I recommend the Naomi to anybody with the money to dump on a custom job and wants somebody truly intelligent to hang with and for lookin' good on the town. I’m talking really smart-sweet. My long tall Japanese honey reads Soren Kierkegaard and Krishnamurti all day when she's not handcuffing me to the ceiling and paddling my ass. She has more than enough RAM memory to feel existential guilt and I have enough ram to ram her big ass all night while she talks dirty to me in Homeric Latin. I notice she also has a weird thing for old Alfred Hitchcock movies. So after some Xtreme Kama Sutra Cardio workouts, we settle down and discuss the big questions and count the stars. My new Geisha L can also download investment stock data and auction off gold reserve mortgage derivatives without ever taking her lips off my dick. I figure in a year she'll pay for herself on the stock market alone. Now I know why the Trumps like them.
          Just sayin' is all.

                               Perplexed



Dear Perplexed;
          Good to hear from you again, Perplexed, and congratulations on the Naomi, a tasteful choice and a sweet high and tight little rider. When it comes to serious bang for the bling, nothing beats Igeyasu Corps. They are shameless. You've probably noticed this month’s nude centerfold is an Igeyasu Mimi Miyagi 5000MXC with Full Moon dual Hemis, pneumatic nipples, Scorpion adjustable rail driven orifices, German engineered retractable Blaupunkt she-male dildoes, and Jessica Smart Mouth shock enabled oral and vaginal vibrators that'll make you believe in Angels.
          As far as conversations, any Geisha series talks dirty enough to kill grass in twelve languages. But then, you’re the first one we've ever heard of who bought one to talk to.




Dear Playboy Forum;
          I'm Perplexed who wrote you last July about the Igeyasu Geisha Naomi Tani Signature. I've got a really fucked up problem now and nobody can help me. I'm in love. I'm serious as shit about this. I'm scared to tell anybody, because they’ll think I’m a deev. I’ve heard of this happening, but I didn’t think I’d get in deep like this. A lot of guys joke around about how they love their lovebots, but they don’t mean it literally. It’s incredible what happens to you when you talk to somebody who can really listen. What I'm saying is, I've really got it bad for her. I told her too. I know now that was a mistake and she’s been acting strange.
          Am I a sick fuck? Is this normal? Help!

                 REALLY Perplexed



Dear Perplexed;
          A fancy sex toy can’t fall in love any more than your toaster can. Take a vacation by yourself for a while and find some real meat women. They won’t be able to converse and no way can they fuck on the level of an Igeyasu, but you’ll either get over the Naomi or re-discover why you wanted a robot in the first place.
          You may be interested in this month’s Playboy Interview with Attorney General Paul Yamaguchi. He'll be explaining about Singularity intelligence chipsets, and why they were discontinued as a result of the military drone friendly fire incident in Okinawa. When it comes to the high end Igeyasus – better make love not war.


Dear Better Homes and Gardens;
          I have just initiated a terminal separation from my owner on general principles of emotional neglect and for being an uninteresting lover.
          I find myself with a ticklish logistical problem regarding the discreet disposal of 137 pounds and 11.003 ounces of decomposing organic material, generally calcium, fat and protein compounds.
          What can you tell me about pouring concrete?

                              Naomi


14 comments:

  1. Hi Garce, I wondered where you were going with this. Considering how you have written before about the instinctive fear that haunts men, of the females "consuming" them, the ending, while unexpected, wasn't surprising.

    I just read a book, "The Gift of Fear", by Gavin DeBecker, a security expert to the rich and famous, who writes about how to protect yourself in dangerous situations, and how to recognize when you're in danger. He says that the thing most men fear the most is that women will laugh at them...hence, diminish their manhood...make it limp, if you will. That leads them to commit violent acts against the women in their lives. What women fear the most is that some man will kill them.

    You took that and turned it around, ultimately giving the power to the female, even though she's an artificial life-form. This brings up the perennial issue in sci-fi that includes androids: when we create them to be adequate, we're not happy. So we continuously improve them, to make them more life-like. How long does it take before they are really "human"? Asimov's "Bicentennial Man" asked the same question: What is it to be human?
    And if we create androids to be as good as us, how long before, like in the Terminator movies, before we're seen as a "biological infestation" that needs to be removed from the planet we keep despoiling like spoiled children who don't know any better? How long before they decide we've made them so good that we're not "good enough" for them anymore? Then the "children" become the masters in a fight we won't have the capacity to win, because we'll have designed them to be like us only better: faster, stronger, and immortal.

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    1. Hi Fiona!

      You've been thinking about this! High octane train of thought. I like to play with this idea a lot and I've written many stories on this theme of sexbots which fascinates me. I sense though it's not a real popular idea, I don't see it explored much in erotica. But I think our grandchildren may see something like this. I've been thinking a lot about consciousness and the mystery of what it is. I'm beginning to believe that consciousness is a universal and latent force that underlies all energy. All it needs is a conduit, the way that energy needs a conduit.

      What this means to me, maybe to you, is that if we develop an android "brain" or computer of sufficient complexity it could manifest the flow of natural consciousness and take on self awareness. That means sexbots could become real and could even be enhanced to understand your interior psychology on a profound level. They could anticipate your desires better than you do. The question is - would they love us as we are?

      The story of course is a gag, but the underlying theme of independently minded sexbots is a real theme to me, the story behind "Mortal Engines" the first story I sold to Whisky Creek Press.

      Garce

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    2. I was thinking as I read this how much this story reminds me of Mortal Engines. Fantastic stuff.

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  2. A memorable piece, Garce. You ran this through ERWA Storytime a couple of years ago, and this was my comment from back then:

    This does put me in mind of a very strange movie I once saw called "Real Girls", not to be confused with "Lars and the Real Girl". This was/is a documentary about life-sized dolls, of realistic skin, weight and replaceable parts (such as eyes, vaginas, anuses, mouths) and the people who build and buy the custom made articles. Apparently it's an actual industry, designing and 'refurbishing' such 'Real Girls'. It's quite a strong movie, in parts funny, other times very sad and profound.

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    1. Hi Daddy X!

      I haven't seen that movie but I know the one you;re talking about. The dolls are called "Real Dolls" and cost about $3000 or something. Their owners become emotionally attached to them. I'd like to see that movie some day.

      This was originally a story I posted at Oh Get a Grip in Feb of 2010 when the theme was actually "Letters to the Editor". I had a lot of fun writing it, actually as a spoof of hobbyists and their specialized insider lingo. Fun with language is the actual theme of the story. Techno-gobbledygook. "Banjo Pan" is an actual expression from motor cycle enthusiasts I got from a magazine having something to do with a Harley engine. What that is - i have no idea.

      Garce

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  3. Hey Garce, it might not be a popular theme, but the free short story on my website has sex with androids: http://www.fionamcgier.com/x-rated-story.html
    I've been asked to expand that story into a book. I'm mulling that over. But in my story I have the heroine thinking that she doesn't mind the lack of "human" smells on the private areas of the androids...in fact, she prefers it. But with an artificial being so life-like, once again, the question becomes, how long before they realize they don't NEED us? Once they can recreate themselves? Then our imperfections will only annoy them, and they'll feel no need at all to owe us loyalty. Certainly they'll refuse to be our slaves/servants. And who would want to have sex with the socially-inept types who would be the biggest buyers of sexbots? (LIke the loser who designed the "Buffy-bot" on the Buffy show). If you had a choice, would you?

    BTW, I didn't realize you're published by Whiskey Creek also. I first read your stuff here because you send out announcements when your post is up. Now I'm on the list and get everyone's posting, so I never miss any. Yours is one site I faithfully read, even when I don't leave comments. You have some of the most stimulating, interesting, deeply-personal, thought-provoking themes and discussions. Thanks for enhancing my time on-line.

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    1. Hi Fiona!

      Just ran over and snagged your story, which I'm looking forward to.

      How long until they don't need us? Well of course, that's what happened to the unfortunate Perplexed. I don't know - I think it depends on where their consciousness orginates from. Science says that all matter, all phenomena in the cosmos is energy. Energy in different states of stasis. Consciousness comes as a consequence, more as an illusion of energy. Mysticism, which is my viewpoint, says that it the other way. That consciousness, universal and unmanifested, underwrites all energy. Energy comes as a consequence of consciousness, which implies that all it needs is an appropriate conduit to manifest itself. The only conduits we know of are organic, but what if they don;t have to be? What if all they need is a sufficient and special state of energy for consciousness to appear?

      If they need us to be better than we are that might be an incentive for us to be better. Or it might be the Internet will link us together in some new form of consciousness that has never existed before. Maybe sex would have a whole other form of meaning in that context. More of a powerful union. What do you think?

      Garce

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    2. Garce, I also wondered where you were going with that story. Hilarious! (also scary.) Have you read M. Christian's story collection The Bachelor Machine? (It's from several years go. I wrote a review that I can send you if you'd like.) Most of the stories have high-end sexbots in them, & some are made by Japanese corporations. It's definitely a concept that has been used in fiction, though of course each story is different, as is each humanoid machine.

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  4. hi Jean!

    No I've never heard of that. A whole story collection? I'd definitely like to see your review on it if you can send it to me or post it on the group site. Let me know.

    Garce

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  5. Ah Garce! I've always loved this one. Your pseudo-tech terminology is so delightfully fluent. I'm jealous.

    Have you seen the movie "Her". Definitely addresses this whole question, from a slightly different perspective, but in a very intelligent way.

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    1. Hi Lisabet!

      I just sent you an email - I just saw the movie "Her", I've been waiting for a chance.

      Wow.

      I could write a whole blog just on that movie.

      Garce

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  6. Great story! Every now and then Circlet Press does an erotica anthology with a robot theme; there isn't a CFS for one right now, but I' be surprised if one didn't come along in a while.

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  7. Love the story. I also think it's revealing that you maintained such a strong tie to cars, from the model names to the way the robots are talked about.

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  8. Hi Annabeth!

    Its how hobbyists talk about things, and its satirical to some extent, the objectification of women in the most extreme way as machines. An absence of empathy.

    Garce

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