By
Lisabet Sarai
Finally,
I’m where I belong.
I’m
on my knees, at your feet, waiting for you to decide what happens
next. Will you wrap my already prominent nipples in rubber bands, to
see how much plumper they could be? Will you unfasten your belt so
you can paint new stripes on my ass? Will you fuck me? Will you kiss
me?
Whatever
you choose, I’m here, here where I know you want me. Where I want
to be, more than anywhere else in the universe.
I
kneel for you, spread for you, writhe for you—and
only you. After all these years, I’m still full of wonder at the
connection that binds us. You don’t need to tell me how grateful
you are for my surrender, though sometimes you do. We both know the
truth, and glory in it.
I
honor you by bending to your will. You honor me by accepting the gift
I offer.
Everyone
else would be horrified to see me in this place of apparent
abasement—horrified and
astonished. I’m not the type to take orders. Friends call me
assertive and proactive. Others less favorably inclined label me
aggressive and bossy. A less likely slave would be hard to imagine.
I’m competent, articulate, a natural leader, a feminist. I’m
opinionated and stubborn, according to some people. But submissive?
No one would believe it.
If
they saw me here, in this place, they’d label it as abuse, or
worse. The welts on my butt—the
ropes cinching my wrists—the
scar on my shoulder where you carved your initials—they’d call
this insanity, pure and simple.
How
little they understand. It is
pure, this devotion, or tries to be. I dream of perfecting the
alignment of my will with yours. You dream, I think, of possessing me
ever more completely, of pushing me harder, of testing the depth of
my commitment and discovering it is bottomless.
This
place gives me the courage to step out onto that perilous wire, when
you invite me. On my knees at your feet, I am brave enough to attempt
anything your devious imagination may suggest. I’m frightened—you’d
hardly enjoy it, if I were not—but in this place, trust overcomes
fear.
On
my knees, at your feet, I don’t worry about what anyone else might
think. I worry only about pleasing you. This place strips away all
the silly concerns of daily life, reminding me of what really
matters. My mind quiets even as my body hums with the heat you
kindle. I am calm, patient, at peace as I wait for your next command.
This
place gives me joy.
Whooh! Strong stuff, Lisabet. You've wrapped the submissive role up in a neat little package.
ReplyDeleteOnly my view, of course. Everyone is different.
DeleteHi Lisabet!
ReplyDeleteThe soul of the submissive is so hard for us who are different to understand. Many would simply not believe it. but I think its our nature to want what is different, or even alien to our nature. There are aggressive women who want to let go, alpha males who pay dominatrices to spank and punish them. I think the first time it must be hard. But afterwards it must be addictive, like an alien state of mind you want to enter into again and again to transcend yourself. I always wonder that such things are possible, and then what would it be like.
Garce
Funny, but the first time for me was easy. It felt natural, a revelation of who I was. On the other hand, I believe this had a lot to do with my partner. I have very little desire to submit to just any old dominant.
DeleteActually, more of my fantasies and erotic dreams have involved female dominants that males. Never had even a taste of that in real life.
I love being topped by women, especially because for me it removes some of the worries about feminism/gender roles that come up in what you wrote above. (I know your character doesn't care, but I find that I often do).
DeleteI am often puzzled as to how I managed to grow up *without* getting too hung up gender roles. Guess I should just be grateful.
DeleteI can almost understand the appeal of submitting to someone so awesome as to deserve submission, but I can't quite imagine what someone that awesome would be like. Almost, but not quite. Perhaps it's like the way a deity can't be quite envisioned in the flesh, although I guess many people think they can.
ReplyDeleteAwesome but very flawed. Like all of us.
DeleteThis is a great, atmospheric piece, like your other descriptions of "sub space," Lisabet. I think Sacchi put her finger on why this space seems dangerous and/or hard to achieve for many: because an actual Dominant is a flawed human being who can cause harm, or at least seem petty or contradictory enough to break the spell.
ReplyDeleteOf course you're right, Jean. That's why this place in fact exists only in fantasy. In "reality", this place disappeared from the realm of possibility decades ago.
DeleteBut I revisit it for inspiration.