Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I Cannot Tell A Lie

by Daddy X

Posting this from a remote cabin in Yosemite National Park.  Hope it makes its way through cyberspace…

I guess I’ve been lucky in not remembering many awkward situations. As I recall, I’ve always been fairly well-balanced and self-assured. Or maybe it’s just my memory, burying those awkward events so I can suppose a better image of myself at this point in life. :>)

I do remember one time things didn’t quite go as planned. I’d been laid off a job in San Francisco and took the opportunity to relocate to coastal Mendocino, out in the sticks. Since I’d been laid off and hadn’t quit my previous gig, I qualified for unemployment compensation until I found another job.

Well, you know how that goes in a rural area. There aren’t many places to work. So, once I’d exhausted all the legitimate interviews, I started making them up. When a woman at the unemployment office reviewed the form I’d submitted, listing all the places I said I’d been seeking employment, she asked who I had seen at Georgia Pacific Lumber.

 I said something like: “Oh, some woman gave me an application and I filled it out even though she said they weren’t hiring. She said they’d keep it on file.”

The unemployment woman came back with, “Well, my husband is the only one working in that human resources department.” Followed by, “You understand that misrepresenting yourself is against the law, don’t you? You can be prosecuted for that.”

I felt my head begin to swim. Ever since childhood, I’d been prone to passing out from a sudden or intense pain. Apparently, that included when caught in a lie. Gulp!

I said sheepishly, “I’m not feeling very well. I think I need a breath of air.”

She replied, “Yes, I think that’s a good idea. And get your story straight—while you’re out there breathing.”

After several minutes, I went back and asked for a new form. The balls I had! I couldn’t even imagine doing that today.


  1. Envying you your remote cabin in Yosemite. I think. Last time I was there wifi wasn't even a twinkle in some geek's eye (somewhere around 1968.)

    As to balls, you still have enough to write erotic fiction, and even back then the, ahem "fiction" force was strong in you.

  2. Thanks for commenting, Sacchi. It's been ten years for us and we're just 4 1/2 hours away. It sure is a singular spot in the world. Back now to the old grind.

  3. Hi, Daddy!

    I would definitely label this situation as "awkward"! And that was even before the Internet. It has become all the more important to get one's story straight.

    I thought you'd write about your unfortunate "frottage" experiences as a teen. That would count as awkward to my way of thinking.

    1. Yeah- After I posted this, I thought about the anguish I went through before asking a girl to dance. If she refused, I wouldn't have the balls to ask another all night. If the answer was 'yes', I'd try the 'grind'.

      But as I got more wise to the the ways of passion, I'd wait until the girl made the first move. Made for much less embarrassment.

  4. I've never been able to lie successfully. When I was a kid, Mom told me that whenever I lied she could see right through me, to the truth. I believed her, and figured that everyone else had that ability also. Made for some very awkward conversations when I'd come in late from a date, and she'd start examining my clothing, to be sure I'd put it all back on correctly. Even a button or snap undone, and she'd flip out, and I'd just shrug. "Well, know..." then I'd get grounded...again.

    But my daughter, soul of my soul, a few years ago while sitting around a campfire, laughed when she told me that she used to lie to my face all the time when she was in high school. "Honestly, Mom, you were such a sucker! You always believed me."

    I guess that because I can't lie, it never occurs to me that anyone else is doing it either. Kind of a handicap, no?