Sunday, July 1, 2018

The Worst Movie Ever Also Has the Worst Sex Scenes

By Annabeth Leong

“You are my rose, you are my rose, you are my rose….” - Kitra Williams

If you’re a fan of The Room, you’re probably laughing or cringing already. This is the (terrible) song that plays during this cult classic movie’s (equally terrible) sex scenes. And oh my God did I mention it’s terrible?

The Room is a movie so terrible it’s warped space and time and become utterly transfixing. I personally have seen it more times than I can count, at home and in the theater, in more than one country. Often compared to Rocky Horror, The Room’s fans have also developed a whole vocabulary of jokes and actions related to it. So yes, I have thrown plastic spoons at the screen and tossed a football to the person right next to me while shouting, “You are tearing me apart, Lisa!!!” (If that didn’t make sense, please go watch The Room.)

Ostensibly, The Room is a drama about a love triangle. It seems to me that the writer/director/star Tommy Wiseau intended his audience to feel pathos for the poor, put-upon main character and all the terrible ways he goes mistreated and unappreciated. It is, however, impossible to take that shit seriously, and audiences the world over crack the hell up at Wiseau’s poor and over-earnest acting. (Wiseau now claims he always intended the movie to be funny—I just don’t believe him).

Among the most memorable parts of The Room’s unique blend of terrible acting and over-earnestness are the overly long sex scenes, which I believe are uncomfortable to watch for nearly anyone. In the erotica business, we often talk about not closing the door for sex scenes, but I wish Wiseau had let the door close at some point. Each sex scene goes on for far too long, includes sound that was clearly dubbed in later and does not match the action onscreen, and contains many head-scratching moments.

For example, it really appears that Wiseau’s character is making passionate love to his co-star’s navel for minutes on end.

And in some of the sex scenes in which the famous Lisa is cheating on Tommy with his best friend, the flatness of the line delivery becomes an incredible achievement. Who knew it was even possible to say, “Yeah, baby, I want your body,” with such utter lack of conviction? It really sounds like no one has ever wanted anyone else’s body less than this guy wants this girl.

And who can forget the completely inexplicable chocolate and oral sex scene, which happens at apparent random and involves two minor characters “studying” in the main character’s living room for reasons that are never explained?

I tried to listen to “You’re My Rose” while writing this post, but I couldn’t make it through the song without the experience of The Room to accompany it. So if you’re into cult classics, I highly recommend you check out The Room. Or you can warm up by reading co-star Greg Sestero’s book about it, The Disaster Artist, or watching the movie of the same name, starring James Franco. “Enjoy!!!”



(Apologies again for the weekend post. Here’s hoping third time’s a charm!)

4 comments:

  1. I've never even heard of this movie.

    And I must say, I do NOT want to see it, despite your urging!

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    1. Hahaha one has to be in a very particular mood/mindset.

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  2. It does sound fascinating in its way. Thank you for introducing it to us, Annabeth.

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    1. Glad to enrich your life in this way, Jean ;)

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