Showing posts with label adolescence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adolescence. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Among the Elves and the Orcs -- #Tolkien #adolescence #magic


Elves and magic

Image by Prawny from Pixabay
By Lisabet Sarai

I spent a significant part of my adolescence in Middle Earth.

When did I first read the Lord of the Rings trilogy? I suspect that I first encountered Tolkien when I was twelve or thirteen, a socially awkward, intellectually precocious kid whose primary pleasure was to lose myself in fiction. The Hobbit charmed but didn’t excite me. The epic trilogy, in contrast, drew me deep into its magical realms. I read the three volumes multiple times during my teens. The geography of Middle Earth were almost as familiar to me as my home town. I had dreams set in Tolkien’s world. I painted its landscapes, recited its verse and sang its songs.

My high school senior honors thesis was entitled “Middle Earth as Macrocosm: Operation of a Chain of Being in The Lord of the Rings”. This paper begins:

The Great River Anduin is born far up in the north, amid the tumbled ruggedness of Ered Mithrin, the Grey Mountains; it courses southward between Mirkwood and the Misty Mountains, cascades over the golden falls of Rauros, flows with regal dignity past the city of Gondor and finally pours itself through a hundred mouths into the Bay of Belfalas. To the east lie the desolate plains of Rhovanion and Rhûn, and the black land of Mordor, fenced by the perilous crags of the Ash Mountains and Mountains of Shadow, Ered Lithui and Ephel Dúath. Westward, across the mountain backbone, rolling reaches of Eriador stretch in leagues of grey-green to the Gulf of Lune and the Grey Havens. Beyond, there is only the Sea, vast and deep, separating from familiar lands these hills and moors of Middle Earth.” (*Lisabet Sarai, 1970)

I don’t recall any of this geography now, but at the time, I could have drawn you a map and guided you along the paths taken by the Fellowship of the Ring in its quest to destroy the perilous One Ring of power by unmaking it in the volcanic fires where it had been forged.

You might very well have found my obsession boring.

Why did Middle Earth have such a hold on me? When I skim through the pages now, the prose seems a bit stiff and pendantic, and the tale has lost some of its thrill. Of course, this is partly because Tolkien’s masterwork established high fantasy as a popular genre. Now elves and orcs, wizards and dwarves have become familiar and commonplace. First books are like first lovers; they make a strong impression.

One reason I enjoyed Middle Earth, I think, was the subtlety and imperfection of its magic. In Tolkien’s universe, various races and creatures have special powers, but no one, not even the Dark Lord himself, is invincible. Strands of magic weave through the story, sometimes turning the tide at a critical moment, sometimes not. Magic is not reliable; thus when it does emerge, this enhances the wonder. Furthermore, magic follows the laws and limits of the universe. In Tolkien’s Middle Earth, magic is part of nature, not outside it.

A world in which magic can surmount any problem is simply uninteresting. One problem I’ve had with many subsequent “high fantasy” tales I’ve read is that the characters are too powerful. (I have a similar criticism of some science fiction as well.)

The characters in The Lord of the Rings are engaged in both a physical and a moral struggle. The latter is far more intriguing. While Tolkien’s characterization is far less nuanced and complex than in George R. R. Martin’s Westeros (my most recently discovered magical realm!), even the great heroic figures have their weaknesses. The Fellowship sets out unified in its purpose, but gradually disintegrates as its members choose personal or racial priorities over their common goal. Even Frodo, the good-natured and unassuming hobbit charged with bearing the Ring, at the final moment yields to the temptation to keep rather than discard it. Only a satisfying twist of fate very much like karma saves the quest despite Frodo’s moral failure.

I feel as though I’ve outgrown The Lord of the Rings, but my time in that magical realm had a huge influence on me. On the other hand, my own paranormal tales tend to be set in worlds only slightly different from our own. Indeed, I’ve tended to take the notion of minimalist magic much further than Tolkien. Still, I try to evoke the same sense of wonder, though I doubt I’ll ever succeed with such brilliance.

All the world, the land and the waters, the skies above, the sun and the stars, the Elizabethans called the ‘macrocosm’. The term has a profound significance lacking in the word ‘universe’; it automatically implies the existence of order, of a pattern and a plan. A universe may be absurd, meaningless, an existential ‘neant’, but a macrocosm can never be.

Middle Earth is a macrocosm, organized as the Elizabethan one was, according to a great chain of being. From the Iron Hills in the north to the hot deserts of Haradwaith – from the inland Sea of Rhûn to the westermost tip of the Forlindon peninsual – throughout Middle Earth, all creatures on all levels obey and reverence laws. It is only the evil ones who strive to upset the marvelous and intricate balance of divine order.” (*Lisabet Sarai, 1970)


* Not, of course, the name under which this paper was submitted.
 

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Fairy Tales

by Jean Roberta

The most recent book I've read is Red Caps: New Fairy Tales for Out of the Ordinary Readers by Steve Berman, newly released by his publishing company, Lethe Press. The version I received weeks ago was a PDF of the pre-publication, unedited manuscript, with some illustrations, and some spaces where illustrations would be placed later.

I’m still not sure whether I think the illustrations by various artists are a good idea. The sketches of teenage boys and fanciful imaginary beings capture a certain high-school ambience, but there is a delicate enchantment in the words themselves that lends itself better to imagination alone.

After Steve Berman’s young-adult fantasy novel, Vintage (about an openly-gay high-school boy in New Jersey who has a kind of romance with the ghost of a popular boy who died in the 1950s) received rave reviews in 2008, the author himself complained that he couldn’t repeat his success. This is a common fear among writers, since no one can rewrite the same book and still produce something new.

The current collection of stories is obviously not a repeat of Vintage. Berman doesn’t use formulas. What it shows, however, is his amazing ability to channel his inner teenager: to write with the skill of an adult writer in his prime about the larger-than life hopes, fears, giddy excitement and suicidal desperation of a person in that grey area between childhood and adulthood.

Very few writers seem able to do this well, possibly because (to draw on my own memories), adolescence combines intense emotions with a limited ability to express them. And spending most of each weekday in high school combines the experience of being institutionalized with opportunities to find a soul-mate.

The Red Caps in the title are an elusive band that are always off-stage, but the narrators of the stories collect souvenirs of them, such as red caps. The name also suggests a euphemistic term for pills which could cause hallucinations.

In “Most Likely,” the young, gay-male narrator discovers a magical high school yearbook in which school photos are accompanied by captions that express the real thoughts of students who would never write them down for others to see. This is a kind of hyper-realism which is both perfectly logical and literally unbelievable. In this story, the narrator is rescued from pouring rain by the object of his crush, who feels the same way about him. Without the magically intimate words, they probably wouldn’t have connected.

There is a droll humour in most of these stories that reaches a peak in “Gomorrahs of the Deep, a Musical Coming Someday to Off-Broadway.” Greg, the narrator, is lucky enough to have a boyfriend in school, and their relationship is tolerated by their classmates and teachers. However, Greg doesn’t want to push his luck. He is alarmed when his boyfriend announces his plan for a presentation in English class:

“’I’m going to do a whole presentation—not some sixth-grader’s book report—on the homoeroticism in Moby Dick.’

Greg recklessly tells him: 'You might as well sing it.'

Later, when Greg is walking home alone, "I soon heard my boyfriend’s car whining behind me. When he rolled down the window, music from the radio filled the air. Then he sang:

Get in the car. It’s cold. Don’t be so angry all the time.

I kept walking, but more slowly.

Get in the car. Don’t make me beg. Don’t make me rhyme.

I stopped and turned.

Don’t call me Ishmael.

‘I won’t.” he said. “Your name is Greg.’

I took a step forward, resting my hands on the open car window.
Tell me you won’t go through with this. Tell me that tomorrow will be sane.

He shook his head.

I can’t. I won’t. Don’t you see? That would go against my grain.

They’ll laugh at you and, if I stand by you, me as well.

What else does English class do than make our lives a hell?

It’s only Melville.”

This probably wouldn’t seem laugh-out-loud funny to every reader, but as an English instructor, I was charmed.

Two stories that are fantasy from beginning to end, and not necessarily about teenagers in a modern sense, are “Thimbleriggery and Fledglings” (a lesbian retelling of the Swan Lake story) and “Steeped in Debt to the Chimney Pots” (an ambitious, atmospheric tale about a hard-luck young man who falls in with bad company—the fairy folk—in Victorian London). These two stories are well worth reading, but they seem only marginally related to the stories about magic that arises from the ordeals of contemporary teenage life.

Altogether, this collection is greater than the sum of its parts. It will suck you in like a phantom lover or a dream that seems more real than your waking life. The storyteller’s magic still works.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I'm Not Audrey Anymore

by Giselle Renarde


Dear Lawrence,

I've wanted to write this letter for ages.  I'll tell you why I haven't: because every time I've said even the slightest word to you since we broke up, all you've heard was, "I want to get back together."

Dude.

I don't want to get back together.  I don't want to go out for coffee.  I don't want dinner.  I don't want to fuck you.  It's over.  Really.  It is.

You know I have a girlfriend now.  Sweet and I have been together more than five years.  I'm happy with her.  Remember all the times I told you I was queer and you were all like, "No way.  If you were a lesbian, you wouldn't be so good in bed."  That's only one of your dickishly entitled remarks that stands out in my mind.  Oh, and when you criticized your sister's foster-daughter for calling her "Mom" because they weren't biologically related?  You could be such a fuckwad sometimes.

Seriously.

But I loved you.  Stupid, because you were married the entire ten years of our relationship.  Not that you pulled the wool over my eyes.  I knew you were married from the moment we met.  The difference was that you were fifty years old.  I was... what, eighteen?  Nineteen?  Not a kid, no, but still a young woman looking for a father figure.

I won't say you took advantage of me.  It was far more complicated than that.  You said no for two years before ever saying yes, but I wanted you.  I was relentless.  When I was young, I fancied myself something of a femme fatale.  You know that.  You read Audrey and Lawrence, the complete collection of stories about our affair.

What hasn't hit home with you is that the book's called "The Complete Collection" for a reason: our relationship is over.  Done.  The fact that you still weasel your way into my building to leave Christmas and birthday gifts outside my door is, frankly, a little creepy.

One year, I sent you a thank you email.  Just to be civil.  Just to show you I was still human.  Except, instead of hearing "thank you," you heard, "I want you."  That's why I don't acknowledge your gifts anymore.  I'd prefer if you focused your love and attention on some other girl--maybe your wife?

Ahh, your wife... I think about her a lot.  Dreamed the other week that I was trying to get her into bed, but you kept cockblocking me.  Bastard.  She was a pretty pixie, from what I recall--younger than you, older than me.  But she didn't want you, did she?  Not for sex.  Nope.

I always wondered about her, you know.  Still do.  I have this lingering fantasy that she's a closet lesbian, and I could give her what she's been looking for her entire life.  No, you can't watch.  Actually, your wife inspired a character in my first book: Imelda the bisexual art patron who takes up with the young ballerina, Ondine.  I'm endlessly fascinated by this woman, your wife.  Maybe you should try to be more fascinated by her.  You are married to the woman, after all.

Ultimately, I want you to be happy.  With someone else.  Not with me.  I feel a special compassion for you because I spent ten years of my life wanting you when I could never fully have you.  Now the tables have turned.  You want me.  I've moved on.

Funny, that.

Giselle

Friday, January 11, 2013

To My Fourteen-Year-Old Self

by Jean Roberta

Dear Jeanie,

I’m old enough to be your grandmother, and I know how you feel about old people who give you lectures. Please don’t tune me out. I haven’t forgotten being you.

I’ll start with some good news:

Your acne will go away. Seriously. I know you’re not happy with your body, but you will never gain more than 30 pounds beyond your current weight. That’s not much of a physical change over 47 years.

Consider this: you are not defined by the way you look. No one is. If you can’t find an inner core that feels like your true self, you will be as vulnerable to every passing influence as a weathervane.

The biggest challenges of your life will not be the ones you imagine now.

Bill, your current boyfriend, is a preview of the rogues’ gallery in your future. Remember what he told you about the value of the necklace he gave you? You don’t really believe it’s worth hundreds of dollars, do you? (By the way, I still have it. I’m sure an appraisal would reveal it to be the best bling from Woolworth’s, circa 1965.) And when he told you the words for “I love you” in the language of the Eskimos (which he calls “Eskimalian”), after telling you what a world traveller he is, you knew that was all hot air, didn’t you?

Yet even when your father found out Bill has never been registered as a student at the state college, as he claimed, you clung to hope that maybe there had been some mistake. You still hope, with all your wild energy, that clashing versions of the truth can be made compatible, that all the pieces can be cleverly aligned like the parts of the “Chinese puzzles” you love getting in your stocking on Christmas morning.

You are terrified of trusting your own common sense, let alone your deepest instincts. You know what guys like Bill say about girls who “can’t trust.” He’s right, in a way. Trust is good. Give it to yourself before you give it to anyone else.

Please remember that anyone can say anything. You can be lied to and lied about. (You know how that goes. When you hear Sandy Posey sing it on the radio next year, you'll be singing along.) You can be told you are crazy, and you will be.

I wish I could spare you from the worst experiences ahead, but then you would probably miss some of the good stuff too.

You know the dreams you’ve had about a beautiful baby girl with a brown skin? She’s real and she’s ours, by blood.

You know how much you would like to become a published writer? You will be. You’ll be surprised at how easily the words flow when you have enough time to think and a room of your own, just as Virginia Woolf explained it. Nothing in the world is really new. It’s just new to you.

Here is a paradox that you need to learn: truth and imagination are related. You need a flexible imagination to begin to glimpse the complexity of what is under your nose. Never try to shut down your fantasies in order to see things clearly, or close your eyes in order to find what you seek.

Your desire for sex is not a sign that you deserve to be locked up somewhere. Your confusing crush on Katie is not the symptom of a mental illness. Right now, you can’t imagine how much easier it will be for women to love each other in the next century.

Looking at photos of you, I see a glow in your eyes that you can’t see in the mirror. You have no idea how much I love you, just as I love the woman I gave birth to, and her children. I know you feel my love from time to time. It’s like a tingle in your skin when no one else seems to be touching you. Love is a moving current that needs to be passed on.

You know what you need to do to survive. Have faith.