Friday, August 13, 2010

the Good, the Bad, and the What the F*** Were They Thinking!

Ohhhh this week has been an interesting one, as I have read just who inspired my fellow Grippers.

My evolution to writing erotica came about a bit differently. It wasn't the novels that hooked me. It was the short stories. Some of which were kick-ass good, others were truly awful, and some, those special few, all I could do was sit and stare at the scream wondering what the f*** the author was thinking.

Like Ash, there were many times I thought to myself, goodness I can do better than that. Although, I never had a dog that could do better. A cat, maybe. If the birds got loose and danced on the keyboard, possibly. But nope, no talented dogs. So it was all up to me!

Then there were the authors that were so d*mn good I almost didn't try. You know the ones ... You read their stories, and they just flow so well, and you get so wrapped up in them, you're hot and aroused and don't want to take any time to do anything about it, because the story is just so good!

But the ones that truly got me going were the ones where after reading the story I had one of those moments were I could actually feel brain cells dying. Not because the writing was so bad (although the ones that started out: my name's ____________ and I have _______ sized breasts. I have a tiny waist and long legs, and my boobs just bounce when I go running - sucked!), but because I couldn't grasp how they made the mistakes they did.

For example: the location of the clit, the location of the G-spot, the prostate and women, which way legs bend, how far a human being can twist their head (we are NOT owls for crying out loud!), the location of the anus in relation to the balls/ho-ha, and oh so many other things ...

Those were the stories that drove me to seek out the good on the internet, to start a website to showcase the good, and to ultimately try my hand at writing my own stories.


  1. Hi, Michelle,

    I think we should put together a test. Anyone who wants to write erotica would be required to pass it with at least a 70% or better. With questions like:

    1. What does semen taste like?

    2, What is a scrotum?

    3. How long is the average cock?

    4. What is an areola?

    5. What do you call the little ridge under the cap of a penis?


    My cat has never tried erotica. But he does pretty well with thrillers.


  2. Michelle,

    Spike, our Bichon Frise, has stood on the keyboard and typed streams of letters. Occasionally he's typed words. I'd like to believe that this is just coincidence or a lucky chance but only yesterday he stood on my wife's laptop and changed the screen display so that it turned sideways.

    Great post. And you know I agree with every word.

  3. Quite frankly, I'm of the mindset that if you haven't tried it, you shouldn't write it. That sounds bad, doesn't it? But truly, when I read some of these books I am blown away by the fact that the authors are so ignorant!

    Lisabet has it right -- authors should have at least the basic facts about their subject. I can't tell you how many times I see things like... the hero being described as ginormously big, but the heroine "takes all of him" in her MOUTH. Uhm.... I dunno about you, but I can't fit in more than about 6 inches on a good day, and that is NOT huge! (TMI? Probably TMI.)

    I read one short story, which was actually fairly hot otherwise, MMF, and the men had been lovers for 150 years. The bottom was supposedly still tight. The top? Was supposed to have the most gigantic... um... phallus... in existence. Yeah, right, no stretching there! Do you KNOW what happens to an anus after years upon years of being stretched so far? It ain't pretty! Can we say rectal prolapse? Eeew! So not sexy!

    Okay, okay, sorry. Went off a bit sideways there. I'll stop now.

  4. My cats don't write, they critique. And man, are they harsh.

  5. Lisabet - I quite agree. : )Some of the mistakes I saw were just so stupid! Ignorance of the human body is no excuse. If I don't know what the heck a body part is that I am trying to write about, I pull out ye old anatomy book. Most LIBRARIES have them.

    And I am sorry, I know that some like to read about big dicks, but when they are the size of abaseball bat, come on! Seriously?

    The best though - a man's who can come in great spurts, resulting in cups upon cups upon cups of spunk! Ummm ... no.

  6. Ash -- Oh yeah, I know. We agree in so many ways. Which is probably why we get along so well ... you know that I am always right! LOL *snicker*

    Luv ya man!

  7. Wife -- I agree with you to an extent. I can write about a smoking hot threesome between a woman and two bi-guys, without having to either have an affair, or force hubby to do something that isn't for him.

    But I do agree, when it come to some of the basics, damn it, research! Anatomy books are readily available.

  8. Kathleen -- I think I might have gotten a few crits and opinions from them then, via some of my editors. LOL

    My stupid cat has this thing where when I am typing, he lays right across my arm, proping his head on the back of my hand, and just looks at me. Evidently, if my attention is on anything other than him, I am a cruel person who does not deserve to live. At least, that is what the look says. Then, he subtly slids forward until he is laying on my keyboard, and wiggles, prompting some funny text to be brought forth and the need for some condensed air for the keyboard.

  9. Michelle, it may be smoking hot, but.... having HAD threesomes (MMF and MFF) I can genuinely say that most scenes are NOT... accurate. I can overlook *some* inaccuracies, but other things are, shall I say, pet peeves. I would suggest that, if an author hasn't at least *tried* what they're writing about, then they should do a heck of a lot of research. Talk to people who HAVE done it. Watch amateur porn (NOT professional, though, as that's all for show). For the average reader it may be a perfect scene, but for those of us with a bit more experience we usually have to suspend reality to at least some degree. A little bit is okay, but too much is just a turn off.


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