Treats and Tricks

By Lisabet Sarai

[Our topic this week deals with the comedic aspects of sex. I racked my memory, trying to dredge up a personal account that would qualify, but it seems that I've always treated sex rather seriously. As an alternative, I offer this seasonally inappropriate piece of short fiction, which hopefully demonstrates that even BDSM can be funny.]

****

"Which would you prefer, Mariah, the cane or the feather duster?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"Why do you ask? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. But you do have a way of twisting things around in unexpected directions."

"I thought you liked surprises. In any case, as your Master it's my responsibility to add a certain - ambiguity - to our interactions. To keep you on your toes."

"These ridiculous spike heels do that well enough."

"If I hear any more complaints or excuses, Mariah, I will make you very sorry. And I don't mean something you'd enjoy like a spanking or nipple clamps."

"I..."

"Mariah! Just answer my question. Now."

"Well... I choose the cane."

"Really? Why is that? You're blushing, you know. Tell me why you prefer the cane."

"Well - um - I think it will hurt more. And that it will please you more, to see me enduring that pain."

"But I asked what _you_ wanted. Not what you think I'd want."

"Mm..."

"What was that?"

"There's no difference, Master. What I want is to please you, to fulfill your every lust, to satisfy your desires before you are even  aware of them."

"Silly, romantic girl. You sound like a novel."

"It's the truth. I can't help it."

"So - " (Swish!) "you want the cane, do you?"

"Yes, Master."

"Last time, you remember, you couldn't sit down for two days." (Swish!)  

"I remember."

"Very well. Bend over and hold on to the edge of the table. Good." (Swish!)

"Ow -- oh! Oh!!"

"You're awfully slick, Mariah. The cane slides back and forth in your cunt as though it was greased."

"Uh...ooh..."

"Spread your legs a bit more. That's right. Now I can rub the bamboo right up against your clit."

"Oh, Master! Oh...!"

"I think that talking about the pain makes you hot. But what about  the pain itself?"

"Uh...ooh...I don't know."

"We should do some experiments in that area, don't you think? Oh, there's the doorbell. Some urchins come to extort their candy from us, no doubt. Get up and answer it, Mariah."

"What? Like this?"

"Naked, in high heels, with a cane wedged in your crotch? Why not?"

"Please, the neighbors are already suspicious about us. All the screams and so on. If I expose myself to their kids, they're going to report us. These days, especially, anything involving children is especially dangerous."

"Hey, you'd probably like it in prison. All those rough, nasty guards... Come on, Mariah, I'm only teasing you. Here, throw this over your head. Then go answer the door."

"But..."

"I'll give you butt! Don't argue. I swear, for someone who claims to be my slave you give me a lot of lip."

"I'm sorry, Master. But I must look like Casper with an erection."

"You do, rather. Never mind. Go give the grubby little devils what they deserve, then get back here."

"Yes, Master."

...

"So, who was it?"

"Two Darth Vaders, one Power Ranger, one Harry Potter and a most convincing Elvira, Mistress of the Dark."

"Hmm, sounds appealing. Should have invited her in."

"Master... ow!"

"Your nipples are like marbles, little Mariah. And how's that cane doing? Walk around a bit for me. Very fetching. But I think you're having a bit too much fun. Let me have it."

"Ooh...ah! Are you going to beat me now?"

"Perhaps. Would you like that?"

"Whatever you'd like, Master."

"Hmm. Is that so? So many possibilities... Go back to the table and bend over again. Thighs wide. That's right. Now, reach back and pull open your cheeks. Yes, very nice. So sensitive and vulnerable. I really should cane you, Mariah. You deserve it, for your insolence and your questions.  But..." (Zip!) "I'm just too indulgent to train you properly..."

"Oh...MASTER!"

...

"Master?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"The cane was delicious, a real treat. I was wondering what you planned to do if I had chosen the feather duster."

"Actually, I was going to break off the feathers and use the sharp quills to pierce the flesh around your nipples."

"No! Not really! You wouldn't do that! Would you?"

"You can never be sure, Mariah, can you? That's why you love me."

"Only one of the reasons, Master. One of many."