Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Him Being Proud

by Daddy X

A tall buck-toothed stranger clomps up to the bar wearing tight jeans, western shirt, boots, a cowboy hat and myopic-thick glasses. “Where’s all the poontang?” he hollers.

“Friend,” I say, “right now it’s mostly guys gettin’ off work, but you just made happy hour.”

“How much?”

“Dollar drafts. Till six.”

“Three, then.”

“Three beers? All at once?”

“Gonna cost me more in ten minutes?”

“Yep. Two-twenty-five each.”

“Line ‘em up!”

“Okay. Here you go. Three beers—three bucks.”

He slaps a roll of bills on the bar—a fifty in plain sight up top—digs in his pocket and proceeds to count out two dollars in small change. He then extracts a wrinkled single from the middle of the roll. “We’re square,” he says.

“Gee thanks, pal.” There wouldn’t be a tip.

“Any cunts ever come in?”

“Yeah, ladies do come ‘round most nights. Start filterin’ in ‘bout seven, seven-thirty.”

“They like to fuck?”

“Well, maybe. But you gotta have the right line, man. Else, go scare up one o’ them bony-ass hookers over by the bowling alley.”

“Me? Pay for pussy? I don’t think so.”

“And why’s that?”

“On account of cunts’s always beggin’ me to fuck them. I be famous for my fuckin’.”

So I go around back and phone a neighborhood gal. “Yo Delores. Wanna make some quick scratch? Got a humdinger over here.”

Sure enough, towards the end of the guy’s third beer, ‘ol Delores sashays her fine self through the door, girl all spillin’ out her halter and little cut-offs. I twitch a thumb towards the fool.

She slinks up to his sorry ass. “Hi handsome!”  

He says, “Umm… uhh… err… shucks, lady… uhh… uhh… umm...”


  1. Thanx, Jean.
    It was fun to write too. Experience sure comes in handy when writing. ;>)

  2. Must a been somethin' in those beers.

    1. Daddy X, I realized my mistake just after I clicked on "Publish", and as far as I know there's no way to edit comments. ("As far as I know" being a very limited range of knowledge indeed.)

      Since we're on the subject, how about "them there" beers, or do the beers have to be present at the time one references them? Probably.

    2. No, 'them there' is puffecly 'ceptable.

  3. Snort. Short and tart!

    I'll bet stuff like this really happened, too.

    Great flasher, Daddy, and right on target.

  4. Heh, I definitely figure you've got some personal experience to draw on. Your gift for dialogue continues!

  5. Human nature hasn't changed in millennia. As it was, as it still is, probably so it will always be. Give those of us who write fodder for the next one.


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