Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Dear Special K

This is the second time I am writing you on this subject. You must be afraid of getting in touch with me back!

Among other things, (mostly bad) I’m taking this time to say that I have been enjoying your Special “K” “Protein” cereal for ten years. Or so. My wife and I found that with a little fruit and almond milk and a dash of cinnamon, it is quite a tasty and sustaining breakfast. Not many products nowadays have that kind of consistency yet.

Too bad you can’t say the same for your packaging.

Used to be, years ago, back then, that you always used to show a photo of a very pretty girl on the back (of the package. Not hers) always. Sometimes she was a blonde (my fave) but more often other-haired. And that was okay. She was usually depicted in scant ‘action’ attire such as tank tops, halters and clingy workout tights that showed off the girl’s rear end. (usually round and probably firm) That went along just fine for a few years when there was virtually nothing to complain about! Like what I said about the tastiness. Using some ordinary antiseptic, the empty boxes could last for weeks. That was a deal.  Remember that one redhead with the hairband who was looking back over her shoulder? Now that’s what I’m talking about.  She was really something. Luckily I cut one out of her! She lasted until a few years ago when it wore out. But that was back then!

And this was now!

Then you started showing just half a girl. But always from the waist up. Never the bottom half! What was with that? What are your advertising people thinking? Or was it a hint of something more sinister? Do you check out your photographers? Have your models made complaints?

The reason I’m reporting that, was, because, eventually; then; sometimes you started showing bare-chested men athletics in short shorts on the box! (I’m okay where you would also want to give the woman eaters (of your cereal) something hot to look at). But were all the lady models intimidated? Still more evidence of perverts in your advertising division? Did they scare off all those pretty girls? Do you do background checks on your sub-contractors?  I’ll bet the worst of them probably look for subs to contract for their own use.

And, now, finally, the last straw (for me at least) is that recently, from what I saw this morning, although you have upped the ante in one regard, giving us consumers two girls on the package (top half of one on the back and a cute little number down in front) they’re really tiny pictures and you have to get in real close to see anything at all. Okay, so the one on the front is crouching down tying her shoelace, and you can see where the material of her shorts hugs tight between her legs. But somehow that’s not going to be enough to make a guy want to do anything about it.


Now I want to know what you are planning to do about these next several following and various important depart mental issues; I have been kind enough to point out:

Keep perverts off your staff.

Examine your human resources system for flaws in their hiring practices.

Check out every kinky sexual abuse in your entire corporate structure. (The kinkier the better.)

Finally, get better pictures. One’s with whole girls, in varying positions. (make them even larger even than when you had them before) (or maybe just a half-woman from the waist down) (for a change.) (But still make it big!) Maybe you could even make a cool promotional deal with that kinda thing. Like a “Collect All the Girls on the Cereal Boxes —The Challenge”! That could work.

You wouldn’t even have to pay me much for the idea.

This must stop!

Thank you,

Daddy X


  1. Okay, I can just hear you all out there, thinking, “This isn’t naughty! It’s simply inane.”

    Well, what if I mailed it?

  2. Hilarious and naughty - never mind mailing it, I think you nailed it!

  3. I dunno, I think keeping perverts off the staff would pervert your whole purpose. Even switching to kittens and puppies would be questionable--there's a perversion for every possible permutation of preference.

    1. Heheh- I'd actually planned that "Keep perverts off your staff" line as a double entendre.

  4. Oh, THAT kind of "staff." I'm getting slow in my old age.

  5. Hilarious! And definitely naughty, especially in the way it hints and beats around the bush (oops, sorry!)

    I'll bet it's all true, too.

  6. This would make the day of any corporate wonk who had to read customer complaints. I bet they'd pass this one around via email, and all have a chuckle about the "dirty old man" who eats their bars and molests the pictures of their models.


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