We don't talk about what Mommy writes ...

(I'm on vacation, so this post was pre-written and scheduled in blogger to post. I will respond to your comments on the 8th of Jan, when I get back in town.)

And this little piggy went "weeee, oh yeah baby, do me harder ... um ... I mean wee, wee, wee all the way home".

Yeah. So, my daughter knows that I write. She has no clue however just what I write. She often asks to read my stories, generally after she has me read hers. I just hope that when she is old enough to read my stories, she can look me in the eyes afterwards.

LOL

I love writing erotica and erotic romance. I really truly do, and I can't imagine writing anything else. But it is hell on conversations. My daughter is so proud that I am published that she wants to tell everyone, but she can't, and she knows she can't, just not why. (Hubby has the same problem, but he knows why)

It's hard for me too, especially since I want to tell people that I write, but it's a hard subject to approach. I know some would worry about the influence I am having on my child. Some would feel that I am not a good parent.

What's worse, I am going to be a teacher. So instead of just my child, I could be influencing the minds of hundreds of children to my filthy ways! Yeah ... what I write is practically a state's secret, with an inner sanctum in the know and everyone else shut out.

It's hard to to get that quiet time to write. My family has been very supportive of my writing, but at the same time, it's isn't something I really feel comfortable doing while my daughter is hanging over my should, which she likes to do when I am at the computer. Generally because she wants to borrow my comuter to play her games online, or because she hangs over my hubby's shoulder to watch him play his games and trys to do the same with me during my computer time.

She is also interested in writing, so I walk a very fine line between encouraging her and having to shut her out of my own world, because of what I write.

It's also hard to talk to my crit partner on the phone when my daughter is at home. Working out some scenes is just not conductive to having pre-teen ears in the room.

So I find that I tailor my day, and my writing, around my daughter's day. I tend to write in the evenings when she is settling in for the night, when she is outside playing, or between my college classes while she is in school. I go into my bedroom with a notepad and pen and call my crit partner. And, yes, I have even flat out told her I have a story idea and I need her to go away for a while. She generally cooperates. As I said, my family has been very supportive.

I write more in the winter because I just feel more comfortable. I can't stand doing much of anything creative when I get too hot, so most of summer is a lost cause even with air conditioning. Winter however, is when she is stuck inside more often. So there has to be a balance achieved of "me" writing time, and "her" family time.

I admit, it would certainly be easier if I didn't have my daughter, then I could write whenever I wanted, without worry. I could crow about my publications, and not worry about how it will affect her if it gets out. Despite that, I wouldn't wish my life any other way. She's part of the reason I get my ass out of bed in the morning. She's part of why I am struggling to get through college, instead of just settling for an easy job with flexible hours that will let me have more time to write.

All in all, I wouldn't give up either my munchkin, or my writing, but damn, I wish it was easier to blend both parts of my life. Certainly, I wish society would take a frickin chill about erotic romance and erotica, and understand the difference between writing it as a passtime and sharing it with all the neighborhood kids. I hate having to keep what I do in the shadows, because I love writing, and I am proud of my accomlishments. But at the same time, I don't want to have my daughter have a hard time finding kids to play with, and I don't want to catch crap when I am teaching.

And if it came down to it, could I give up writing? I really don't know. I might hold off on publishing anything for a while, let her turn 18 and then say to hell with the close-minded of the world. But would I ever give it up completely? I really don't think that I could.

Probably not quite what was targeted for this week, but hey, I wrote this up on Christmas Eve. LOL

Thoughts?