Tuesday, December 29, 2009

We don't talk about what Mommy writes ...

(I'm on vacation, so this post was pre-written and scheduled in blogger to post. I will respond to your comments on the 8th of Jan, when I get back in town.)

And this little piggy went "weeee, oh yeah baby, do me harder ... um ... I mean wee, wee, wee all the way home".

Yeah. So, my daughter knows that I write. She has no clue however just what I write. She often asks to read my stories, generally after she has me read hers. I just hope that when she is old enough to read my stories, she can look me in the eyes afterwards.

LOL

I love writing erotica and erotic romance. I really truly do, and I can't imagine writing anything else. But it is hell on conversations. My daughter is so proud that I am published that she wants to tell everyone, but she can't, and she knows she can't, just not why. (Hubby has the same problem, but he knows why)

It's hard for me too, especially since I want to tell people that I write, but it's a hard subject to approach. I know some would worry about the influence I am having on my child. Some would feel that I am not a good parent.

What's worse, I am going to be a teacher. So instead of just my child, I could be influencing the minds of hundreds of children to my filthy ways! Yeah ... what I write is practically a state's secret, with an inner sanctum in the know and everyone else shut out.

It's hard to to get that quiet time to write. My family has been very supportive of my writing, but at the same time, it's isn't something I really feel comfortable doing while my daughter is hanging over my should, which she likes to do when I am at the computer. Generally because she wants to borrow my comuter to play her games online, or because she hangs over my hubby's shoulder to watch him play his games and trys to do the same with me during my computer time.

She is also interested in writing, so I walk a very fine line between encouraging her and having to shut her out of my own world, because of what I write.

It's also hard to talk to my crit partner on the phone when my daughter is at home. Working out some scenes is just not conductive to having pre-teen ears in the room.

So I find that I tailor my day, and my writing, around my daughter's day. I tend to write in the evenings when she is settling in for the night, when she is outside playing, or between my college classes while she is in school. I go into my bedroom with a notepad and pen and call my crit partner. And, yes, I have even flat out told her I have a story idea and I need her to go away for a while. She generally cooperates. As I said, my family has been very supportive.

I write more in the winter because I just feel more comfortable. I can't stand doing much of anything creative when I get too hot, so most of summer is a lost cause even with air conditioning. Winter however, is when she is stuck inside more often. So there has to be a balance achieved of "me" writing time, and "her" family time.

I admit, it would certainly be easier if I didn't have my daughter, then I could write whenever I wanted, without worry. I could crow about my publications, and not worry about how it will affect her if it gets out. Despite that, I wouldn't wish my life any other way. She's part of the reason I get my ass out of bed in the morning. She's part of why I am struggling to get through college, instead of just settling for an easy job with flexible hours that will let me have more time to write.

All in all, I wouldn't give up either my munchkin, or my writing, but damn, I wish it was easier to blend both parts of my life. Certainly, I wish society would take a frickin chill about erotic romance and erotica, and understand the difference between writing it as a passtime and sharing it with all the neighborhood kids. I hate having to keep what I do in the shadows, because I love writing, and I am proud of my accomlishments. But at the same time, I don't want to have my daughter have a hard time finding kids to play with, and I don't want to catch crap when I am teaching.

And if it came down to it, could I give up writing? I really don't know. I might hold off on publishing anything for a while, let her turn 18 and then say to hell with the close-minded of the world. But would I ever give it up completely? I really don't think that I could.

Probably not quite what was targeted for this week, but hey, I wrote this up on Christmas Eve. LOL

Thoughts?

6 comments:

  1. Kiddo tells everyone I write lllluuuurrrrvvvveeeee books (emphasis his, not mine LOL). So I figure that's and okay way of putting it. Love books encompass a whole lot of genres, so I think I'm safe until he's older.

    Heh, maybe instead of 'that' talk, I'll give him some of my books to read instead...might be more informative than slot A into B (or C if he believes he's that way inclined)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, what Anne said..

    Even giving my daughter free reign in the interview, when asked what I write, she says, love stories. :) And that's what they are. Details, shmetails. Those'll come later, I suppose, although I'm of a mind that it really shouldn't matter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Michelle

    I was actually very moved by this because so much of your story is my story. When I was published for the very first time and received my contributor copies in the mail, I couldn't tell anyone. It was this dark lonely secret, like being Clark Kent and you want to tell everybody you're really Superman and you just can't. So I just hid them away and glowed privately .

    Someday our kids will be old enough and it'll be very interesting to see what they think of us then. Young folks always think they've invented sex and the rest of us don;t know anything.

    Garce

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello, Michelle,

    I hope that you're having a great time wherever you are.

    I definitely identify, even though I don't have kids. My job also involves teaching, plus I'm a "guest" in a foreign country who could be booted out on the whim of some overly-sanctimonious official. I'd love to tell my friends, but I have to bite my tongue.

    I suspect the time will come when you can share your work with your daughter. As Anne noted, she might get some positive information from your stories. Most erotica and pretty much all romance, is very sex-positive, not something you can say about the stuff she's likely to be exposed to on TV and in the movies.

    Hugs,
    Lisabet

    ReplyDelete
  5. Michelle,

    I was wincing as I read your words and counting my own blessings.

    At home I've got a wife who proof-edits everything I write, and a son who's 20 years old, knows what I write, and asks for suggestions and advice in regards to his own writing. I teach creative writing at a progressive college where everyone (staff and students) knows what I write, but I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where Junior or my career aren't going to suffer negative repercussions.

    Thanks Michelle, you've made me realise how blessed my situation is. You're right to be proud of your accomplishments. And you should also be proud of the dignity with which you're carrying your discretion.

    Sincerely,

    Ash

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey guys. I'm back in my frozen spot in the world. Gah! I miss Florida already, and it has been less than 12 hours since I left. Coming home to 7 degrees F is not fun at all.

    Anne and Devon - Yeppers, she knows I write "romances" and that's about it. LOL I will explain more when she is older.

    Garce - I actually used to have my contributors copies out on a bookshelf upstairs in the hallway outside of our bedrooms, but now that my daughter is starting to have more company over, kids walking out of her room and seeing the Naughty Spanking Stories from A To Z and the Happy Birthday Book of Erotica, as well as others, wasn't a good idea. So hubby and I moved some of his personal books there, and moved mine into the cabinet on another bookshelf. I hated to do it ... but I am also realistic about it. We moved them the day after I typed up my post actually. *sigh*

    Lisabet - I know so well the biting of the tongue, and cheek and lip as I long to tell everyone. Yet I worry like hell that somehow, someway, a parent will find out what I write and flip a dang screw loose. As for my daughter, I certainly plan for her to learn better than I did. A crash course in the birds and the bees via a college biology textbook (my mom's way of handling it), my brother in laws tossing me some playboys (because they were the ones stuck dealing with my innocent questions when everyone else bailed out, and the pushed belief that sex and masterbation were, well, something dirty were my education. It's amazing that I'm not more of a prude than I am. LOL

    Ash - I do get support from my husband. He was the one who pushed me to do something with my writings in the first place and helped me get my website off of the ground. Never have I doubted his support. So even though I can't shout to the world that I am a writer, I have it better than some of my friends, who get crap from their SO about what they write, how often they write, and not pulling in enough money with it.

    ReplyDelete