I was given the option, this week, of either talking about my love of Britain (unquestioned and obvious, I feel) or talking about American envy. And since the latter seems more in keeping with the theme, I thought I'd go with that.
So in no particular order, here are the top five things I'm envious of, when it comes to America and Americans:
1. The fact that you have Hershey's Mint Bliss thingies, and I do not. How is that fair? How is it just and right that you can go down to the nearest supermarket and buy a bag of heaven's treats, and I have to make do with stupid Twirl bites? And yeah, I know our chocolate is supposedly wayyyy superior to yours, but when it comes to Mint Bliss thingies I just don't see it.
2. You get The Office about a year before we do. I'm so envious of this I sometimes cry at night over it. And it's not just The Office, either. You get about a million other programs first that I need to have in my life right now. My only comfort is ordering region one DVDs online, but even then it's not the same as actually getting to watch this stuff live as soon as it comes out.
3. When a good movie comes out, invariably it will also take a year to come out over here. We still don't have Cedar Rapids. I'm not even sure if Clue has ever properly come out over here. Jane Eyre took six months. SIX. It's out on DVD where you are. Here, it's barely at the cinema. I had to watch it for the first time on a plane. ON A PLANE. By this point, my envy is literally trying to choke me.
4. The two most handsome men in the world, Armie Hammer and Brandon Routh, are both American. In fact, most of my top one hundred hunks are American. Ryan Gosling, Zachary Quinto, Lee Pace, James Spader, Timothy Olyphant, Edward Norton, Ryan Reynolds, Bradley Cooper, David Hyde-Pierce, Nathan Fillion...all American. I think. Some of them may well be Canadian. But as American envy is almost exactly like Canadian envy, I'm not going to split hairs.
5. All the places you can get lost in. You can literally drive down a road in America, and end up in the wilderness. You know what happens here when you drive down a road? You end up in a cul de sac, or maybe at a newsagents. There is no wilderness here. Whereas America sometimes seems almost primarily made up of wilderness. You can set stories there where people actually legitimately wind up almost eaten by bears.
America is orsum.
And that's all I have to say on the matter.
P.S. I have another menage book out, this month - All Other Things. It's got a kinky Irishman, some hot action with a desperate to experiment married couple, and a lot of hot bonking. Here's the buy link for it, where you can find an excerpt and the blurb:
But if you'd like, you can enter my contest to win a copy:
Would love it if you could stop by!