Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Explorations in Masturbation

Somewhere along the way, I lost the track of the real reason for masturbation.  I got so caught up in having a quick tug before a shower or a quick wank before bed -- I just needed a few minutes to get that build-up and release.  But, really, masturbation should be about feeling good and about making me feel as sexual as possible -- and not the "quick, get it done!" attitude I seem to have.

I think the source of this is obvious and I think almost anyone can relate.  When I first discovered masturbation, I had to be secretive about it -- and quick.  I had to get it done and clean up before any of my family would know I was up to something.  Those early beginnings seem to have stuck with me; though I know masturbation can be much longer and much more enjoyable, I still pretty much only masturbate in quick moments.

The other aspect that I think is missing in my masturbation is a focus on my own body.  Instead, I'm usually watching porn or scrolling through a dirty Tumblr blog or perhaps reading a filthy book, and my masturbation becomes a reaction to what I'm seeing and reading.  This is, of course, totally fine and I certainly don't discourage it.  But masturbation should (at least sometimes) be about focussing on my own body, on exciting my nerve endings, on exploring the pleasure I can give myself.  In short, the focus should be on me, not what's on my computer screen.

So this past weekend, I set out to challenge my masturbation behaviours.  I planned to take the time I needed, leave my computer, phone, and books aside, and just see where my hands take me.

I got on the bed (and put a towel under me so I wouldn't have to worry if I made a mess) and got naked.  I was already hard -- my lust was anticipating this act, perhaps I was excited to focus on myself for a change.  I started stroking.  Being a bit more of a bottom, I soon found my fingers exploring south of my balls and poking at my hole.  I squirted some lube on my fingers and pressed against my opening, sliding my finger in deep.

Hmm... I'm in a coffee shop as I write this and getting a hard-on from the memory... I better calm down a bit.

I had a good time pleasuring myself.  It was a much different experience from that quick tug before I hop in the shower or the before bed jerk-off session while watching a video online.  This was much more focussed on the pleasure coursing through my body -- my entire body -- rather than just pleasing my dick.

Those quick wanks are often entirely dick-focussed.  Stroke and tug and stroke and tug until I come and I get that quick rush of pleasure through my body.  But the slower me-focussed masturbation included pleasuring my whole body -- my dick, my balls, my hole, my prostate, my nipples, and even the irregular breathing as I gasped in pleasure as my finger brushed against my prostate.

This, of course, isn't something I can do all the time -- I can't always spare a half hour or more to jack off and my ass isn't always ready to have fingers shoved deep inside.  Besides, sometimes I really do want that quick release in the morning and I often really do want to look at porn and stroke as I admire the raunchy scenes playing out on my screen.

But what this exploration in masturbation has shown me is that I should be treating myself and my body to this pleasure every now and then.  It's about being good to myself.  And it's about embracing masturbation as a healthy part of my sexuality; it's no longer that quick and dirty deed I did as a teenager.  Masturbation is about treating myself to pleasure and touching myself in ways that no one else can.


Cameron D. James is a writer of gay erotica and M/M erotic romance; his latest release is Go-Go Boys of Club 21: The Complete Series. He lives in Canada, is always crushing on Starbucks baristas, and has two rescue cats. To learn more about Cameron, visit http://www.camerondjames.com.

5 comments:

  1. Hi, Cameron,

    Glad the topic encouraged you to have a little fun...!

    There's a real insight here, though -- your recognition of how much our early sexual experiences shape our current behavior, even when the original forces shaping our experience have vanished.

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  2. I've always been of the mind that masturbation is a factor in how we feel about ourselves. After all, if we can't love ourselves, what heights can we achieve in loving someone else?

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  3. There's a great deal to be said for knowing exactly what your body wants, and supplying it, without having to explain anything to anyone.

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  4. Masturbation as a way of being good to yourself looks sensible -- and this doesn't describe it only as a less-desirable alternative to partner sex.

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  5. This is really beautiful, Cameron. I love how you describe the experience of masturbating while taking your time. I have had some interesting moments where I've thought about what it might mean to masturbate in a less goal-oriented way: focused on pleasure without orgasm, for example, or experimenting outside of my tried and true techniques. Also, I applaud your hands-on research for the post. :)

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