Somewhere along the way, I lost the track of the real reason for masturbation. I got so caught up in having a quick tug before a shower or a quick wank before bed -- I just needed a few minutes to get that build-up and release. But, really, masturbation should be about feeling good and about making me feel as sexual as possible -- and not the "quick, get it done!" attitude I seem to have.
I think the source of this is obvious and I think almost anyone can relate. When I first discovered masturbation, I had to be secretive about it -- and quick. I had to get it done and clean up before any of my family would know I was up to something. Those early beginnings seem to have stuck with me; though I know masturbation can be much longer and much more enjoyable, I still pretty much only masturbate in quick moments.
The other aspect that I think is missing in my masturbation is a focus on my own body. Instead, I'm usually watching porn or scrolling through a dirty Tumblr blog or perhaps reading a filthy book, and my masturbation becomes a reaction to what I'm seeing and reading. This is, of course, totally fine and I certainly don't discourage it. But masturbation should (at least sometimes) be about focussing on my own body, on exciting my nerve endings, on exploring the pleasure I can give myself. In short, the focus should be on me, not what's on my computer screen.
So this past weekend, I set out to challenge my masturbation behaviours. I planned to take the time I needed, leave my computer, phone, and books aside, and just see where my hands take me.
I got on the bed (and put a towel under me so I wouldn't have to worry if I made a mess) and got naked. I was already hard -- my lust was anticipating this act, perhaps I was excited to focus on myself for a change. I started stroking. Being a bit more of a bottom, I soon found my fingers exploring south of my balls and poking at my hole. I squirted some lube on my fingers and pressed against my opening, sliding my finger in deep.
Hmm... I'm in a coffee shop as I write this and getting a hard-on from the memory... I better calm down a bit.
I had a good time pleasuring myself. It was a much different experience from that quick tug before I hop in the shower or the before bed jerk-off session while watching a video online. This was much more focussed on the pleasure coursing through my body -- my entire body -- rather than just pleasing my dick.
Those quick wanks are often entirely dick-focussed. Stroke and tug and stroke and tug until I come and I get that quick rush of pleasure through my body. But the slower me-focussed masturbation included pleasuring my whole body -- my dick, my balls, my hole, my prostate, my nipples, and even the irregular breathing as I gasped in pleasure as my finger brushed against my prostate.
This, of course, isn't something I can do all the time -- I can't always spare a half hour or more to jack off and my ass isn't always ready to have fingers shoved deep inside. Besides, sometimes I really do want that quick release in the morning and I often really do want to look at porn and stroke as I admire the raunchy scenes playing out on my screen.
But what this exploration in masturbation has shown me is that I should be treating myself and my body to this pleasure every now and then. It's about being good to myself. And it's about embracing masturbation as a healthy part of my sexuality; it's no longer that quick and dirty deed I did as a teenager. Masturbation is about treating myself to pleasure and touching myself in ways that no one else can.
Cameron D. James is a writer of gay erotica and M/M erotic romance; his latest release is Go-Go Boys of Club 21: The Complete Series. He lives in Canada, is always crushing on Starbucks baristas, and has two rescue cats. To learn more about Cameron, visit http://www.camerondjames.com.