Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Explorations in Masturbation

Somewhere along the way, I lost the track of the real reason for masturbation.  I got so caught up in having a quick tug before a shower or a quick wank before bed -- I just needed a few minutes to get that build-up and release.  But, really, masturbation should be about feeling good and about making me feel as sexual as possible -- and not the "quick, get it done!" attitude I seem to have.

I think the source of this is obvious and I think almost anyone can relate.  When I first discovered masturbation, I had to be secretive about it -- and quick.  I had to get it done and clean up before any of my family would know I was up to something.  Those early beginnings seem to have stuck with me; though I know masturbation can be much longer and much more enjoyable, I still pretty much only masturbate in quick moments.

The other aspect that I think is missing in my masturbation is a focus on my own body.  Instead, I'm usually watching porn or scrolling through a dirty Tumblr blog or perhaps reading a filthy book, and my masturbation becomes a reaction to what I'm seeing and reading.  This is, of course, totally fine and I certainly don't discourage it.  But masturbation should (at least sometimes) be about focussing on my own body, on exciting my nerve endings, on exploring the pleasure I can give myself.  In short, the focus should be on me, not what's on my computer screen.

So this past weekend, I set out to challenge my masturbation behaviours.  I planned to take the time I needed, leave my computer, phone, and books aside, and just see where my hands take me.

I got on the bed (and put a towel under me so I wouldn't have to worry if I made a mess) and got naked.  I was already hard -- my lust was anticipating this act, perhaps I was excited to focus on myself for a change.  I started stroking.  Being a bit more of a bottom, I soon found my fingers exploring south of my balls and poking at my hole.  I squirted some lube on my fingers and pressed against my opening, sliding my finger in deep.

Hmm... I'm in a coffee shop as I write this and getting a hard-on from the memory... I better calm down a bit.

I had a good time pleasuring myself.  It was a much different experience from that quick tug before I hop in the shower or the before bed jerk-off session while watching a video online.  This was much more focussed on the pleasure coursing through my body -- my entire body -- rather than just pleasing my dick.

Those quick wanks are often entirely dick-focussed.  Stroke and tug and stroke and tug until I come and I get that quick rush of pleasure through my body.  But the slower me-focussed masturbation included pleasuring my whole body -- my dick, my balls, my hole, my prostate, my nipples, and even the irregular breathing as I gasped in pleasure as my finger brushed against my prostate.

This, of course, isn't something I can do all the time -- I can't always spare a half hour or more to jack off and my ass isn't always ready to have fingers shoved deep inside.  Besides, sometimes I really do want that quick release in the morning and I often really do want to look at porn and stroke as I admire the raunchy scenes playing out on my screen.

But what this exploration in masturbation has shown me is that I should be treating myself and my body to this pleasure every now and then.  It's about being good to myself.  And it's about embracing masturbation as a healthy part of my sexuality; it's no longer that quick and dirty deed I did as a teenager.  Masturbation is about treating myself to pleasure and touching myself in ways that no one else can.

Cameron D. James is a writer of gay erotica and M/M erotic romance; his latest release is Go-Go Boys of Club 21: The Complete Series. He lives in Canada, is always crushing on Starbucks baristas, and has two rescue cats. To learn more about Cameron, visit http://www.camerondjames.com.


  1. Hi, Cameron,

    Glad the topic encouraged you to have a little fun...!

    There's a real insight here, though -- your recognition of how much our early sexual experiences shape our current behavior, even when the original forces shaping our experience have vanished.

  2. I've always been of the mind that masturbation is a factor in how we feel about ourselves. After all, if we can't love ourselves, what heights can we achieve in loving someone else?

  3. There's a great deal to be said for knowing exactly what your body wants, and supplying it, without having to explain anything to anyone.

  4. Masturbation as a way of being good to yourself looks sensible -- and this doesn't describe it only as a less-desirable alternative to partner sex.

  5. This is really beautiful, Cameron. I love how you describe the experience of masturbating while taking your time. I have had some interesting moments where I've thought about what it might mean to masturbate in a less goal-oriented way: focused on pleasure without orgasm, for example, or experimenting outside of my tried and true techniques. Also, I applaud your hands-on research for the post. :)