Bless Me Father

  By Daddy X

Hope this silliness will brighten your day.

                                         Bless Me Father                          

“Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession.”

“Yes, go on, my dear.”

“I’ve sinned grievously, Father.”

“Oh my. What have you done?”

“I had sex with my roommate’s boyfriend, Father.”

“Heavens, that is serious. Have you told her? Your roommate, I mean?”

“Oh no, Father. Nellie would never understand. She’s always telling me I shouldn’t be so … so sex-crazed, Father.”

“Sex is a powerful driving force of life, my child. Not to be fooled with. Procreation is dependent upon a stable love.”

“Jesus, I hope not, sir. He never fucks me in the pussy. If I got to procreating she’d know for sure … Oh, sorry about that. Saying “Jesus”, I mean? And nobody said anything about a stable, Father. He bent me over the back of the sofa.”

“Oh. Ummm … that’s okay. Now, how did it happen? You had relations with your friend’s-“

“Relations? No, nobody’s related, Father. That would be weird.”

“No, no. I meant—did you know this was a grievous offence? Were you under the influence of alcohol? Drugs? Did he drug you?”

“We both took Quaaludes, Father. Then the amyl nitrate popper. It tightens up the sphincter muscle, Father. The amyl, that is.”

“Oh my god, girl. What are you doing with your life? Is this any way to serve God?”

“Not serving God, Father. Fucking the roommate’s guy, sir. Don’t you remember? That’s why I’m here.”

“Yes, yes. Please go on. My god.”

“Started last Saturday afternoon, Father. Right after I came here to confession. You weren’t here. And man, did that other priest give me a long penance!”

“You mean you went out and had illicit sex right after going to confession? You didn’t come to me?”

“Seems that way, Father. Doesn’t it?”

“Didn’t you promise the other priest that you would never commit that sin again? Before God?”

“Uh … With all due respect, Father, it wasn’t the same sin. And it was a different guy too. I confessed the one I picked up in the subway, Father. On the way here last Saturday? Fucked me behind an upright on the train paddock. My roommate’s boyfriend fucks my ass. Remember, Father?  Are you all right Father? You sound a little raspy.”

“Uh—Ahem. Anal sex? That’s sodomy, you understand. Expressly prohibited in the Bible.”

“And I can sure tell you why, Father. Hurts like hell, way that fucker’s hung. No lube either. Had to walk around the apartment with an ice cube up my ass, Father. To ease the—well, you know Father.”

“Um, catching was a long time ago. I tend to be a pitcher these days.”

“What was that, Father? I didn’t quite hear you. Speak up. Do you play baseball? And what does that have to do with me fucking my roommate’s boy-“

“Never mind, dear. Go on.”

“Then, well, you know, Father? Then there was that party that night. Saturday? All my friends were there.”

“Yes?”

“It wasn’t like I’d planned it, for it to happen that way.”

“What happened? What way?

“When I met that guy and I bragged about how good I sucked cock, Father. How deep I could deep throat, y’know?”

“You just—told someone that? At a party?”

“We were just getting to—y’know.  Getting to know each other?”

“Yes, um, of course. Ahem. Ahemmm.”

“You okay Father? I can hardy make you out.”

“Oh! Sorry, my child. Do go on.”

“And then I showed him, Father. I sucked him off real good.”

“Who? Who’d you suck now?”

“At the party? The guy I told how good I can deep throat?”

“Oh, right. Him.”

”And then all the women squealed and said how they didn’t know how I could manage it. It looked so big after he hauled it out.”

“Then what?”

“I showed ‘em, Father. I showed them all how it’s done.”

“Your telling me that you performed fellatio in front of other people?”

“No, Father, I sucked the guy’s cock. All the way down my throat, Father. And what’s fellay… what is it?

“Fellatio, my dear. Oral sex performed on a man is called ‘fellatio’.

“What about the other way around, Father? What if his face is down in my muff?”

“Oh my. That’s called ‘cunnilingus’.”

“Even if it’s two girls? That happened later.”

“You had sex with another woman? What’s wrong with you?”

“At the party. After all, it was a party, Father. Everybody’s there to have fun.”

“Public sex is fun for you?”

“Not public, Father. I thought I told you, it was a private party.”

“Ahh. How do I begin?”

“I thought I already began, Father, uh … with Saturday? How about I tell you about Sunday too?”

“Oh. You sinned on Sunday as well? You’re incorrigible.”

“You bet, Father. And thanks.”

“You had sex with your roommate’s boyfriend? Again?”

“Nah, that wasn’t until Monday, Father. Then Tuesday and Thursday and Friday. He says my ass is really something special and that Nellie won’t let him do it there. ”

“You’re telling me you had anal sex with him five times last week?”

“Nellie went out with him on Wednesday. My roommate? So I went to see our next door neighbor, Tom. He’s the one who put it to me on Sunday and Wednesday, Father. Tom likes my pussy, and sometimes I suck him off.”

“Well, you’re some popular girl, aren’t you, you little slut. Don’t you ever go out just for a good time? No sex, I mean?”

“What good is that, Father?  Sex is what it’s all about.”

“There are other things in life, my child.”

“And when you get those things taken care of, then you fuck. Right, Father?”

“My dear, I’ve taken a vow of chastity, you know. Ahh.”

“So why do I hear funny sounds over there, Father? What are you doing?”

“Nothing, my dear. Just rearranging myself.”

“I heard a zipper.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you know that sound pretty well, you wanton little slattern.”

“I can tell in the dark whether they’re going up or down, Father. I prefer them coming down. You just pulled yours down.”

“You ARE aware that you are imperfect in the eyes of God! That your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. That you are a lowly sinner like Mary Magdalene. Ghaaah.”

“Yeah, but all the other guys like me. And who the fuck’s Mary, Father? Are you fucking somebody named Mary? I’ve heard of priests like you. And what’s that noise? Are you playing with yourself, Father?”

“Are you finished, my dear? I’m about through with you. Are there any other sins you’d like to confess?”

“Hmm. Let’s see—we got Saturday afternoon. A biggie that night, then—oh right—Nelly and I sleep together as well, Father. We love each other’s pussies. That’s probably a no-no too … Huh, Father? Then Monday … yes, I already said Tuesday, then Wednesday, Thur- Yeah, that’s it! And then I tipped the boy who cuts the grass, just this morning in the bushes.”

“Whew! Jesus, that was a good session, my dear. Damn. I need some tissues over here. Will I talk to you again next Saturday?”

“No penance this time, Father?”

“Nope. Just be sure you come back to me next week.”