Crying Out in Ecstasy

I have a confession to make — I’m a very quiet guy during sex.  So quiet that my sexual partners have asked me if I was actually enjoying myself.

For someone who is an introvert by nature, who is naturally a very quiet person, I don’t need verbal exclamations to have a good time in bed.  If anything, allowing myself to be as quiet as I naturally am, by allowing myself to actually be myself, I find I enjoy sex in complete silence.  There’s something to be said for the intuitive movement and interaction of bodies, of engaging in the most primal of acts with an unspoken connection.

But for someone who’s not an introvert, or for someone who is not as confident in bed, that utter silence can be unnerving and intimidating.

Plus, there is the fact that moans and groans and swears and dirty talk turn people on.  (Actually, I like hearing these things from my partner, even though I don’t naturally make these noises myself.)

It’s taken some time, but I’ve learned to be more vocal in bed.  I’ve had to force myself to gasp and moan and cry out with words like “fuck”.  It felt so awkward at first, like I was playing a role that wasn’t true to myself, like I was pretending to be someone else.  But at the same time, I knew it was something that I needed to do.  Sex isn’t just about pleasing myself, it’s about pleasing my partner just as much.  And my partner generally needs these vocalizations to know that he is making me feel good, to encourage him to go faster and harder, for him to continue what he’s doing.

It took some experimentation to get it right.  I recall one time I was toying with being more aggressive and I blurted out “Fuck my hole!” — and my partner and I just burst into giggles.  I didn’t repeat that again.  I’ve also had to experiment with saying my partner’s name in the midst of ecstasy, but it just doesn’t feel as natural or sexual as a moaned “Fuuuuuck….”

This experimentation has been interesting as an author of erotic stuff, too.  To have no dialogue in a bedroom scene makes it boring — but to have too much, or to have unsexy dialogue just ends up killing the scene.  There’s nothing sexy about what reads like a casual conversation over tea while your characters are in the midst of a heated encounter.  (There are some exceptions, like a sex scene in which the characters must be utterly silent for fear of being caught.)

If anything, I think this exploration of dirty talk in my writing has helped me in real life.  In my writing I’ve been able to explore different types of exclamations — shouting a name, swearing, moaning, demanding certain sexual moves, and more — and with the safety of it being text on a screen, I can hit the backspace key if it doesn’t feel right.  Writing dirty sex dialogue has helped me hone what’s hot and what’s not — which has then stuck with me and carried over into the bedroom.

I’m still pretty quiet during sex, preferring not to do much more than some heavy breathing, perhaps, but talking, moaning, and swearing no longer feel so utterly awkward and strange like they used to.  For me, crying out in ecstasy is still a conscious thing — I think about what I want to say before actually saying it.  Maybe, one day, it’ll be automatic, I’ll be getting it so good that I’ll blurt out some dirty phrase and it’ll turn both me and my partner on.

Until then, I’ll keep refining my sex dialogue in my erotica.  ;)



Cameron D. James is a writer of gay erotica and M/M erotic romance; his latest release is Go-Go Boys of Club 21: The Complete Series.  He lives in Canada, is always crushing on Starbucks baristas, and has two rescue cats.  To learn more about Cameron, visit http://www.camerondjames.com.