Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Once more with Feeling

Hand me some more of those second chances, too, because I sure as hell need 'em most of them time. I tend to speak impulsively, without meaning harm of course, and find my foot firmly planted in my mouth. Anybody hear me on that one? Fortunately, my friends are understanding and indulgent and are quick to forgive if I've unintentionally offended. WHEW.

But that's just the little stuff. The other second chances are harder, more painful. I'm not just speaking of marriage second chances here. My husband and I will celebrate a 26 year anniversary this year and yeah, we've had big huge UPS and even huger DOWNS but we both like to talk and we're both stubborn, so we've managed to work through tough things. No I'm actually talking about the giant second chances that drop in unexpectedly during the course of our lives.

Many of you know that years ago I fell into a deep, dark hole and those who loved me feared I'd never be able to climb out of it. Some might not be able to understand why I feel free to talk about such a painful time but I look upon it as my own personal survival story. It gives me strength to recall those days and realize how far I've come. I wrote then with no publishing success and went through a number of personal things that simply proved too much to handle. I fell hard into that black hole but when I finally climbed out, I smiled into the sunshine and realized I'd been given a second chance. I took a breath, grabbed with both hands, and held on for the ride. I took each day as it came, giving myself permission to fail, to not be perfect, to just BE. Once I realized that, absorbed it, I took baby steps into writing again. Just little ones. Later, I learned that timing is everything. Someone took a chance on me and my first book was accepted for publication. This all snowballed and now I'm enjoying some measure of success. I got a second chance to live my dream but now I wonder if the journey itself wasn't more valuable than what I gained in the end.

These days, I'm thankful that I found some guts, some courage and took the second chance I was given. I don't take myself too seriously these days. I laugh. I love. I enjoy. Nope, I don't stress about the calories if I want extra cream in my coffee or indulge my love of chocolate. The world won't end if I never sell another book and the universe will not shatter, if I mess up sometimes. I got one second chance, didn't I? Maybe there are a few more chances right around the corner. I'm sure I'll need em.

9 comments:

  1. The goal lies not only at the end, but all along the path!

    I am glad to hear about you rising like a phoenix once more!

    Wish you more & more success!

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  2. Yep. I know about those kinds of second chances. Sometimes it takes far more courage to grab them the second time around. I'm so glad that you did!

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  3. Welcome back, honey. Sounds like the experience changed you, mellowed you. Congratulations on conquering your demons.

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  4. Wish I could just reach out and give you a hug right now. So very, very proud to be your friend.

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  5. Ahhh thanks guys. I've learned to appreciate second chances and take nothing for granted. Yep. I stay pretty chilled about things. Figure perfection is highly overrated.

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  6. Ah, I'm glad you found your way back from the abyss. Congrats on finding a wonderful disposition. Not everyone would have the wherewithal to grasp such a second chance.

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  7. Like you, Regina, I have to give myself to be less than perfect, to just be. I try not to take myself too seriously anymore. It usually helps.

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  8. Thanks, James. I try to laugh more...a personal goal and it really helps keep the boogie man away.

    We DO tend to try for that perfection thing, don't we Ashley??? I've given up on that. LOL

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