Friday, May 14, 2010

With all my love ...

A mother's love is not biological.

There are numerous cases out there of people whose mother birthed them, and really, her involvement should have stopped there. On the flipside though, there are also those women that, which they didn't bring the child into the world, offered them the unconditional love that is in their hearts.

I have no doubt that my mother loves me. Unfortunately, she was undiagnosed bi-polar for decades, and had a hard time showing her love. To this day, we still can't be in a room together without me getting pissed off or her shutting down. Most of the time, both happens.

Yet I know she does love me. We are just toxic together.

My mother-in-law accepted me, doing everything she could for me, offering me all the love I could ask for. I knew, for what time we had, that she loved me. Even when she had a hard time telling me so. As I am sure you know from my post on April 9th, I feel her loss every day.

I've had teachers that have taken me under their wings, sheltering me, offering all their support and assistance, and not asking for anything in return. In their own ways, they were short-term mothers (and fathers) to me.

I can also see that as I grow older, I am coming to be seen in a "mother's light" by more than just my daughter.

Being a mother isn't always a matter of biology. And I have to say, I am thankful for that. Had it been, I would have missed out on so much love ... support ... and acceptance.

I think on Mother's Day it is just as important to show our love to those surrogate mothers as much as it is for our real mothers.

To all the mothers out there, be it blood or not, I hope you know how much you are appreciated.

Keep up the love ...

7 comments:

  1. Hi Michelle!

    I know what you mean, I had a kind of mother figure like that in my life too, and also only for a brief time. She's been the subject of a couple of my blogs here, and inspired a character for a story too. Have you ever found a way to write about your mother in law in a story?

    Garce

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  2. Michelle,

    You're right that we should be celebrating all mothers - whether they're biological relatives, or simply those caring souls who influence our lives.

    Best,

    Ash

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  3. How very true. Nurture goes beyond biology.

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  4. Garge -- With my mother in law, things are still so painful that I really can't see modeling a character after her. I do try to be more like her though. She loved to laugh ... oh man, she loved to laugh. Sometimes she was the only one who got her jokes, but she didn't care.

    Plus there is the fact I really don't know how she would have felt about my writings ... so modeling a character, even a secondary one, after her might not be the best idea.

    I do have a portrait of her on my wall of pictures leading upstairs, and when I start to miss her too much, I go and sit on the stairs and talk to the portrait. Silly I know, but it helps.

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  5. Ash, Craig -- Indeed.

    I hate it when people get in a twist when I tell people who matter to me happy mother's day and I love them. I've had people tell me that only "our" mothers should be told that, and that it does them a disservice to tell someone else that we love them like a mother.

    They just don't get it. And I am so sad for them, and truly, I pitty them. They are missing out on so much love, focusing on only who birthed them.

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  6. Oh, see, that just upsets me, and it's so unnecessary. Why limit your glad wishes to only one mother? It's not "YOUR Mother's Day", it's Mother's Day. In fact, one of the most meaningful cards I've ever received was on my first Mother's Day after my first child was born... from my brother. I was so touched that he thought of me and will never forget how that made me feel.

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  7. Devon -- Exactly!

    It always makes me feel good on mother's day to have my coworkers tell me happy mother's day. And I hope it makes them feel good when I tell them it back.

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