Here's Depending on You

by Daddy X

This is my lame-ass shot at a second person piece on ‘Disbelief’ in the form of a letter. Can you imagine receiving this? I was interested to try it by the POV topic we had recently here on OGG. Enjoy-

Here’s Depending on You

Dear Joe-

It was so good to run into you last week at the bar. Where was it again? :>) Just kidding. But I was surprised that you’d left. Must have taken a little nap there. I did have more than two that night, after all. ;>)

By the time you get this, I’ll be in Thailand, out in the upcountry northeast of Chiang Rai. It’s beautiful out there, no TV, no internet, no cell service, and the pussy’s just great. Just have to be careful I don’t make the wrong gesture, say the wrong thing. Give some tribal elder a reason to force me to marry his daughter. Ha! It’s easier than you might think.

But I’m really glad you and Fran are going to my place in the mountains. Y’know, like we talked about. You two will just love it up there, the views, the fishing, all the wildlife. The utter remoteness of it all, not a care in the world. No cell or internet service up there either. Or electricity for that matter.

Years ago, when you and I used to hang out, I could never afford such a huge piece of land, so out of the way. Now that I’ve won that lottery, it’s hard to do everything—go everywhere at once. I haven’t been up there for a while, and the place can always use some looking after. If you don’t mind, you can do me a favor or two while you’re enjoying the place. Won’t take much.

I’d imagine you’ve already found the keys in the package. Yes, there’s quite a few. And by the way, don’t lose ‘em! They’re the only set I have. Christ, imagine how hard it’d be to get them all replaced! Sheesh!!! Cost nearly forty bucks just for the postage to ship the damn things to you insured, signature required.

About forty miles out of Hayfork, you’ll come to the end of the dirt road. There’ll be a locked gate and a sign saying “KEEP OUT—BOOBY TRAPS”. Heheh. I like to come off gruff but it’s probably not necessary. I had the entire cyclone fence surrounding the property topped with razor wire. Use the key marked “Compound—Main” Oh! And make sure you close the gate after you. Wouldn’t want any undesirables wandering in. Some of them can’t even fucking read. Hahah.  Oh, and yeah—make sure you hit the switch that says “Defuse All”.  It’s hidden in a bush about thirty yards up on your right, attached to a post. Don’t get out of the car to do it. Pull up close (not too close) and have Fran shut it off from her window. That’s important.

I probably shouldn’t worry about that sort of thing; the real losers seldom make it out that far. Plus, the next property over is a marijuana farm with lots of security. A Mexican family runs it, but they don’t seem to have many women around. Ha! Better lock Fran away. With an ass like hers, those guys just might pounce. :>)

There is one fella who comes by—Moosey—just to look after the perimeter, but you’ll likely not even see him. If you do, he likes when you call him “Mister Caretaker”. Big guy. He’s kinda shy about his looks though; face got messed up in an accident. Probably dumped a motorcycle, landed wrong. His teeth don’t line up right and he says he stays clear of towns because people stare too much. That and the pedophile bust. Doesn’t talk much. Lots of funny characters in that area. They give all the parolees a one-way ticket to Hayfork.

Just wait till you see the view from the master bedroom! You won’t believe it.

Seems like you can see all the way to the Pacific when you’re actually hundreds of miles away. It’s an optical illusion you shouldn’t miss. The bright sun reflects varying shades of beige, greens and yellows; the layers and layers of clouds create an illusion of topography. The blue horizon completes the mirage, making it look as if the ocean’s right there. 

If you take the trail behind the house—the one heading down—take a fly rod with you. There’s a rack of equipment in the shed. The salmon won’t be running while you’re up there, but the little native trout (rainbows) will keep you in tasty fresh breakfasts.  Not a put-‘n-take fish in that stream! Take one of the lighter graphite rods; they’re more fun. Re-lock all gates behind you on the way down. That means: TAKE THE KEYS!

 Before I bought the place, I made sure there weren’t any gold claims upstream, so the water never gets muddy from sluice pumps. The water stays as clear as Stoly. BTW, while you’re down there? you may hear a motor downstream. That means they’re working it. Don’t go too far that way; those guys can get pretty territorial. “Claim Crazy” they call it. All of ‘em carry guns.

You’ll find a freezer full of meat in the basement: Elk, venison, pheasant, coon, rabbits, squirrels. Eat whatever you like ‘cause it’s forty-five miles back to town. Plus I don’t want the stuff to get freezer burn. Best stock up whatever luxuries you’d like on your way in. Make sure you fill up with gas and get toilet paper before leaving Hayfork. There’s nothing beyond that little market to get anything. Carry in lots of water. The river’s way, way down below the house, and the well could be dry. Be careful of leaving any food on the picnic table out back.  Draws bears.

Speaking of the well- make sure the main shut-off is “OFF” before you leave, so the pipes don’t freeze this winter. Christ, can you imagine? You’re last one up there this season. I can’t depend on my so-called “Caretaker” to take any initiative.  Don’t worry about him; you and Fran are probably too old. :>)

Anyway, have a great time up there. I’m depending on you!