How Much Should I Share?

By Morticia Knight

Hey all, I’m a newbie here at Oh Get a Grip, but very excited that I was invited to participate by the lovely Lisabet Sarai. I’m going to introduce myself by way of this post, since this month’s topic ties in perfectly with sharing ourselves with our readers.

Almost every author goes through the struggle in the beginning of their public career where they need to decide how much of their lives they want to share. I’ve heard so many talks on this subject in various author groups where those who are about to dip their toes into publishing want to know whether they should use a pen name or real name, whether they should use a real photo or buy a logo, do they disclose what town they live in or remain vague. Even seemingly innocuous things like posting pics of pets or their fabulously decorated Christmas tree should be taken into consideration when interacting on the Internet. How much should we share and how much do readers expect us to share?

The answer is unique to every person and sometimes complex. We live in a world now where a Google search can uncover surprisingly personal details we may not want disclosed. I’m not even referring to scandalous or criminal events, but perhaps who our children are, where they go to school, where we work at our day jobs and so on. Maybe we don’t care if details about ourselves are exposed, but what about our friends and families? They didn’t sign up for this ride, so perhaps they’d rather not be included. This is particularly true if the subject matter of our fiction isn’t mainstream.

Since I write LGBTQ erotic romance, not everyone wants to be associated with me. Not everyone knows I’m bisexual, even though I don’t hide it and I’ve publicly appeared on panels discussing bi-erasure and bisexual representation in fiction. However, I use a pen name for many reasons, which I’ll get to in a moment. But first, I want to discuss what happened when I first began my public writing journey. I discovered not everyone wanted others to know they were friends with or interacted with me.

I began a Facebook page under my real name back in the day when it was first a thing. Of course, I invited my real-life friends to add me and several requested me as well. When I announced I’d be publishing, I didn’t disclose exactly what type of fiction it would be at first. Then my daughters announced on their pages what I was writing and tagged me. That’s when the backlash began. I had already invited people to friend request me on my pen name profile, because honestly, I rarely looked at my personal one anymore since I simply didn’t have the time. I then received a message from a long-time friend who holds very liberal views, isn’t religious and used to worked in the entertainment industry as an actress.

My friend told me she was sorry, but she was in the process of interviewing for a new job and couldn’t take the chance that potential employers would do a search and find out we were friends. Wow. That hurt. At the same time. I understood her fears. I was still working a day job at the time and wasn’t sure how what I did when not at the job would be taken, so I kept my pen name a closely guarded secret When an inter-office memo made light of an LGBTQ issue however, it was like a bag of rocks landed in my stomach. I sat on it for a day, thought it over, then had to contact corporate with a rather lengthy memo outlining why out of the over four thousand employees who had been sent the memo, there were bound to be at least a few who were on the spectrum and could be hurt by it.

Turned out the Vice President of Corporate was out and proud. He also had no idea about the memo, as it was handled at a lower level of the corporate tier. That was an eye-opener. I still didn’t over-share at my job regarding my pen name, because regardless of LGBTQ issues, the erotic content wasn’t something everyone would be comfortable with. In that environment, being one hundred percent open about this other life I led outside the workplace wouldn’t have been appropriate.

Then, I quit my job to write full time.

It was then that I decided to use my real photo and no longer hide what it is I do for a living. The only area where I remain vague has to do with my family. I don’t share my family member’s names, although they sometimes show up of their own accord because they tag me and are proud of what I do. All three of my daughters have come out publicly as bisexual, so for them, it’s a non-issue. My oldest daughter is also an author (although she writes diverse fantasy fic) and editor who has edited several of my books, so I’ve been more fortunate than many authors in terms of understanding and living a transparent life!

Thanks for reading and I’m thrilled to be a part of this great group of authers at Oh Get a Grip. As a reader, what are your expectations from your fave authors? Do you care what goes on behind the curtain, or do you prefer the mystery?

Although this is in the About Us section, here is my official introduction if you want to peek behind the curtain 😊

 Author Bio: Author Morticia Knight spends most of her nights writing about men loving men forever after. If there happens to be some friendly bondage or floggings involved, she doesn’t begrudge her characters whatever their filthy little hearts desire. Even though she’s been crafting her naughty tales for more years than she’d like to share—her adventures as a published author began in 2011. Since then, she’s been fortunate enough to have several books on bestseller lists along with titles receiving recognition in the Rainbow Book Awards, Divine Magazine and Love Romance Café.

Once upon a time she was the lead singer in an indie rock band that toured the West Coast and charted on U.S. college radio. She currently resides on the North Oregon coast and when she’s not fantasizing about hot men, she takes walks along the ocean and annoys the local Karaoke bar patrons.

Morticia’s Social links:

Website/blog: http://www.morticiaknight.com/

Amazon Author Page: http://amzn.to/2q2I2Do

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MorticiaKnight

Facebook Author page: https://www.facebook.com/authormorticiaknight/

Facebook Reader Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MorticiasKnights/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authormorticiaknight/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/morticiaknight/

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/MorticiaKnight

We Don’t Lose Friends…

…we just learn who the real ones are.

I’d like to start by saying hello and thank you to the Grippers for giving me the opportunity to join their ranks. My official bio is in place, but there are some details it doesn’t cover.

I’m joining you here all the way from sunny Australia. Brisbane, to be precise. Capital city of Queensland, or as those born here call it, QUEEEEEEENZLAAAAAAND! I love this city, and this state, but I was not born here. Which brings me around to the current topic: Losing Friends.

For as I mentioned, though Brisbane is now my home, I was born two states away and have gradually migrated north. For those unfamiliar with Australia’s makeup, our states are mother-humping huge. Our smallest mainland state is almost the same size as the entire UK. My current home is approximately 1,700km (over 1,000 miles) from where I was born. I know what it means to leave behind all you knew.

Now, I’m no army brat. And I probably only moved about a dozen times in my life. More than Princess Di, less than Madonna, I hope.

Or y’know…something.

But as anyone who’s moved a bunch of times will know, it becomes difficult to maintain friendships. You scar up, your skin thickens. You become inured to saying goodbye, and it no longer hurts so much. Without that hurt, there’s not so much drive to maintain contact.

I’ve lost a lot of friends over my 45 years of existence. It's been forced upon me by interstate moves in childhood, or even by just moving a few suburbs away on occasion. Many tears were shed in childhood over such matters.

But the worst part is that in recent years it’s been carelessness. Friendships which have fallen down the back of the couch, or haven’t been put back where I picked them up from. Ones I left in my pockets when I put my jeans through the wash.

There was no great soul-breaking cataclysm. No lying or cheating or stealing (mostly). They were simply absences that gradually made themselves known. It made a lie of the old saying "nothing ends well, otherwise it wouldn't end". These friendships just stopped breathing. They whimpered into non-existence, when I'd kinda rather they slapped my face and slammed my door. 

So these days I try to maintain focus on the friends I do have. Most of my friends live in that magic picture box on my desk. Some of them are friends from the past, from other places I've lived. Some were mere acquaintances at school who've become close friends through re-connection. But the friendship is no less intense simply from the absence of a physical component. These are the friends who are closer than family.

Ǥilakas'la Welcome!

Ǥilakas'la Welcome!

I thought that seeing as Jamie came up with a little of the Hawaiian language and shared it with you all, I'd do the same, but with the Kwak'wala language. This is the language of the native people in the area where I live. No, I'm not native, but I do have native friends and I have done some research into the language for a novella I wrote some time ago. Unfortunately, the publisher who took it went under before it was published and I've yet to find a good home for it—and, how appropriate, the title of the story is 'Finding Home'.

I think I'd best tell you a little about myself and what brought me here. I've been writing forever, like so many other authors. When I was very young, I remember writing little plays and forcing all my friends to help put them on. Parents must have cringed when they got the invitations. Mermaids, sea pirates, cowboys and there was always some romance in there, which the boys detested, or course. LOL Later on, I wrote poetry, badly, but at least I didn't force it upon anyone. And still later, I wrote erotica, which I thought was the most perverted stuff in the world and hid from everyone. Who knew it was something people wanted to read?

I came online in the late '90s and had my first novella published by the tiny e-publishing house of Amatory Ink in 1999, I believe. The owner called it quits a couple of years later and my work was released back to me. It's taken me ten years to get where I am today, and it's been one hell of an interesting journey.

You'll find bits of my work all over, some are pretty good, others, I'm not so sure about. LOL I think the very first submission is still online, a place called 'The Bare Mistress' website. I can't honestly remember the work, but it was BDSM oriented and probably badly written. That was kwisa'yanxt a and years ago. If you ever find it, let me know, I'd love to see it.

I've met some xanyasa, amazing, people online. People I'd have no hope of actually physically meeting. Most importantly, for me, I've been able to meet writers and readers who want to get their hands on the books I've written. That is such an incredible thing. To actually talk to people who understand the frustrations and joys of this lonely craft, without my having to go into detailed description, and still have them look at me as if I'm an alien. And the readers, they are such a blessing. Meeting them, getting to know some of them, you, is a dream come true. I was completely shocked when a reader got all gah gah about talking to me. I mean, I'm just a woman sitting in a little room with a computer staring at her. It's a nice computer, but it's not as nice as some. Don't ever be afraid to say hi, I'd truly love to hear from you.

Let's see, what else might you be interested in? If you'd like to check out some of my writing, I'm currently published with Phaze and Total E Bound, as well as several smaller e-zines and an audio site that's just getting its feet under itself called, A Woman's Goodnight. I often tell people to Google me; you'll find all kinds of stuff about me and what's going on in my writing life. Oh, I've got a website I'm pretty pleased with and if I had to do THAT again, I'd do only one thing differently. I'd name it after myself, instead of how it feels to me. You'll find oodles to do there. Free reads, puzzles and wallpaper for your computer and much, much more.

'm'mu'lakwala, thank you, for joining me and I hope you drop in often to see what we're gabbing about. Each week we'll have a different topic and hopefully some interesting chatter. And don't forget our contest! Every time you leave a comment this week, you're entered to win a $30 Amazon gift certificate!

Good luck and ǥila's a̱'eda̱'aḵax̱, come back, soon.

Hugs
Jude