Oh God, so many goals unrealized, so many failed attempts to make $10 million dollars before I was thirty! Just kidding of course. I think if there is one goal unrealized it was my dream of being a successful jazz singer. Do not laugh please! The raw talent is (was) there, just the actual opportunity was missing. When I was treading the boards, as we in the biz say - okay I know that deserves a slap - I enjoyed being in musicals. The rehearsals, the camaraderie, the bonds built between other singers and dancers, however fleeting, I still remember with great fondness, but I always had that urge to go it alone - to be out there on a stage, small or stupendous, a live jazz orchestra behind me, singing and swinging with the best of them.
Alas, that only happened once or twice in my career, but those moments of sheer joy live on in my memory, and always will. It's so darned difficult to make a name in show biz, legit or otherwise. Yes, I know that sometimes it feels like we are bombarded with faceless, far too young to be away from their parents, so called singers or actors and all the in-betweens. Sometimes when I'm standing in line at the supermarket checkout I can't help but stare at the magazine headlines screaming about the goings on between Kristen and Justin and Bobby and Sue... Sue who? I don't know these people and I wonder, was this their goal to be splattered all over the front page of some trashy tabloid looking like they just fell out of bed?
With so many reality shows like American Idol, America's Got Talent, and The Voice filling up so much space on our televisions, I did for a moment or two think - gosh, I wish these shows had been around when I was young and struggling to make a name for myself. Then I think out of all the thousands of hopefuls who have appeared on those shows over what seems like countless years, how many can we actually remember? In this day and age of disposable talent, even winners can be quickly forgotten.
I was definitely born into the wrong age. I should have been alive in the twenties and thirties, in the Jazz Age when swing was king, big bands with sensational singers were on the road and television was not the focal point of everyone's (almost everyone's) lives.
Okay, so I didn't make it as a jazz singer - although my neighbors might wonder what the hell that weird guy on the top floor is rehearsing for - but at least I've made somewhat of a name in writing. When I started out putting pen to paper, or rather putting words on my pc screen , I dreamed of one day having some of my books on a shelf in an actual bookstore. I have realized that goal at least, so I don't feel so bad. Still wish I could've sung with Ella or Peggy, though.