Friday, December 26, 2014

The Perfect Christmas Gift

Spencer Dryden


He drew one last present from the beneath the tree. Removing the elegant wrapping revealed a velvet covered jewel box. Golden rays burst forth like the dawn of hope as he opened it, transforming his frown to a grin.


“What is it?” she asked.

“ It’s a Gueschtunkina Ray Gun.”


“You didn’t give it to me?”

“No. What is it?”

“One shot instantly renders any woman into a high state of sexual arousal.”

“I certainly didn’t give that to you.”

“Santa got my letter then.”

“That is so stupid,” she huffed. “There's no such thing.”

He turned the box toward her. She smirked as she lifted the gun from the cradle.

“It’s a gag gift, right?”

“I hope not.”

“Sure,” she scoffed. “I’m supposed to shoot myself with it, and then I’ll want to have sex with you?”

“A little coitus wouldn’t hurt us.”

“Men! Is that all you think about?”

She inspected the gun, then, casually pointed it at her face.


Her sneer turned to a feral grin, pupils dilated. She slipped from her full length flannel night gown, laid naked beneath the tree, legs splayed, beckoning him with longing eyes.

Oh, if only.








  1. Damn you Spencer Dryden! As soon as I came to: Gueshtunkina Ray Gun. I spit my tea on the keyboard. Thanks dude.

    Read some of the previous material and just love that concept. There was a book pubbed by the venerable Grove/ Olympia/Ophelia Press back in the day called: "The Ring". Could have been by Marcus van Heller or another of that stable. The novel follows a magical ring, one with the qualities of you ray gun, to its effects on its recipients.
    Don't remember much, but for a a while it gets lodged inside a woman who doesn't know it's there. Another time, some guy gets it stuck on his dick.

    1. One does wonder what might happen if the Gueshtunkina Ray Gun guy shot himself by accident.

      Nicely done story, but rather sad, with the assumption that it would take the gun to interest the woman in sex.

    2. The gun only works on women, the science is explained in my ( hopefully) some day published trilogy on this remarkable toy. Sadly, the woman is my ex-wife and the gun my only hope. It's way too complicated and painful to discuss in a reply to a flasher.

  2. Daddy:
    Thanks, glad I could put a little fun in your day.
    "The Ring" sounds like a fun story.

  3. Doubly topical, Spencer - frustration AND Christmas!

    This is great.

  4. Ah, I've been introduced to the Gueschtunkina Ray Gun! Like Sacchi, I'm curious what effects (if any) it would have on a man if shot. I'll have to find out if you end up publishing the longer work.

  5. It only works on women. A condensed version appeared in the anthology, Sex Toys II from Ravenous Romance. The editor made me take out a lot of back story to get the word count down. It was the very first piece I had published and to date accounts for 100% of my earnings as a writer ($25.00) I guess I should have quit while I was ahead. :) Luckily the contract was for non exclusive rights so I am free to self-publish the original. That of course will require conquering Smashwords. I had custom designed cover art done over a year ago.

  6. You were way ahead of me! I got $10 for my first story with RR (I think possibly the first I published?), and the contract at the time was super strange and complicated. If I ever get it together to write a long, long email, I'll have to share the full history of my experiences with them... Good luck figuring out Smashwords!

  7. OMG, Ravenous Romance. As I understand it, the catch that enabled them to get away with paying $10 U.S. for a story was that this was a kind of down payment. If the anthology sold a certain number of copies, the contributors would all get royalties. (If memory serves me, I've had 2 stories in RR anthos, and never got more than $10 payments.)

  8. In my experience with RR, they wouldn't pay royalties until the amount got to $10, so I never got any. Fortunately the editor (Cecilia Tan) managed to sell the rights to Alyson Books (not too ing before they collapsed) so we did get paid, I think, $50 per story. This was the vampire anthology Women of the Bite.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.