By Daddy X
Sept-Oct being medical harvest season in Norcal, the attached garage I use for drying/curing is skunky to high heavens. But as tempting as that is to write about (considering the topic) this is not the best venue to go into detail. Suffice to say that for the next week or two my mailman will get a snootfull while making his deliveries. ;>)
So to preserve our public image, I’ll simply offer a flasher written earlier this year that carries the spirit of the topic:
Dear Miss Sex Manners- An Environmentalist’s Concerns
I’m a female environmentalist who has recently turned eighteen and concerned about the impressions I leave on first dates. It’s useless to ask my parents; they never show any regard for my priorities. They say if I appear too sexy too soon, the guy will think I’m a slut. That kind of thinking doesn’t leave a girl with a healthy appetite for sex very well prepared. Now, whenever I go out, I wonder if a hot date can smell me leaking down there.
Should I consider a spray deodorant?
Dear Just Wondering-
In general, Miss Sex Manners suggests avoiding sprays known to deplete the atmosphere. While pheromones can be handy in a competitive situation, we don’t want a relative stranger coming to conclusions about our personal hygiene.
Stagnating vaginal effluvia, though varied from woman to woman, can produce unfortunate odors. If it’s been a while since sex has occurred, work your intimate parts vigorously with a dependable vibrator before the date. You’ll eventually reach orgasm and not be so needy later on.
Afterwards, be sure to scrub thoroughly with fragrance-free soap and tepid water. NEVER DOUCHE. Douching saps active pheromones. In addition to protecting the environment, you’ll see those first dates become something special!
Haha, not only is this funny, it’s good advice! :PReplyDelete
"Stagnating vaginal effluvia"! Oh dear, now you have me worried.ReplyDelete
Actually, I can imagine a story featuring "Miss Sex Manners" as the heroine....
Oh, by the way -- hashtags cannot include spaces. So you should use #VaginalDeodorant and #FirstDateDelete
Thanks. We'll chalk that up to general internet ignorance. I think I knew that in the dark regions of my memory at one time but it failed to surface just then.Delete
I agree with Lisabet about the story potential. A series of advice columns, becoming more and more personalized when involving "Just Wondering," and then Miss Manners turns out to be...ReplyDelete
Hmm. Could be one of those "Choose your own adventure" things.