Alpheta, anyone?

Fifteen years, huh? That's what Anny said yesterday. She's a smart lady. I figure she knows a lot of random facts that I take for granted or else she's pulling numbers out of the air. Personally, I've never dated someone my age.

In highschool my boyfriends were younger, athletic and way too eager. In college one boy thought he was psychic. I remember him telling me he could "feel my emotions cascade over him like waves upon the sand". Quite a line, that. I, however, laughed. He was the same boy who pushed me on a swing in front of my dorm and told me that if I trusted him, he would teach me how to fly. Still think he meant drugs.

My husband is older than me by twelve and a half years. I just turned 34. That makes him 46. Gotta say I am much happier with my older man than the younger boys. But there have been trade offs. I just can't think of any.

The fact is that while I have dated younger men, I have always been attracted to older ones. My dad's business associates when we entertained bank executives at the house overseas... my English teacher in 8th grade (sexy 21 year old Hawaiian. What's not to love?)... my choir director in Indonesia who was from some midwestern State... There's something about the lure of an older guy. And I think I finally know what it is.

It's the control they exhibit. It's the confidence of having lived life, the stability of a job, the taboo of catching his eye and knowing he wants me too. It's control. Confidence and Control are the sexiest aphrodisiacs known to (wo)man. I'm a strong woman. I put the men I dated through the ringer, pushing and pushing them to see if they would buckle. No I didn't do it on purpose, but I can look back and recognize it now. If they buckled, they were weaker than I and I lost all interest. If they didn't, if they had that alpha dominance, I was sucked right in.

Sexy, confident, alpha. Oh yeah! He's aloof and perhaps slightly disdainful until you get him alone. His shoulders are strong and his walk somewhere between a swagger and a stride with a presence that screams power, masculinity, and economy of movement.

We want it all though. At least I do. I want that alpha but I want him brought to his knees with romantic sentiment and tenderness for me alone. I want to spar with him when we're together. I want him to challenge me and if seduction is required, so be it. I want humor and intelligence, sensitivity and snuggling. I want him to know exactly what he wants can only be found with me and only I see his vulnerability. I want to know that while he could dominate me, he sees me as his equal and treats me as such.

Is that so much to ask for? He's not Alpha. He's not Beta. He's a new breed: Alpha wrapped in Beta coating like soft lips which hide the flash of hard, white teeth. Don't give me a simpering man I can push over or a man who is too whiny to know his own worth. Don't give me a man who is arrogant or cocky. Give me an honest man who works hard and loves hard. What do we call THAT guy? What type of guy is HE?

~Kelly