Wednesday, December 24, 2014

A Night Visit

      He glanced up and saw a large man on the clay tiled roof profiled against the moon near the smoking chimney. It was hard to say at this distance if the man was shouldering a weapon.
    He pushed the buzzer again.

    A burst of static. Lights inside the vast house.

    “What?" said the speaker.

    “Claus," he said, irritated.

    “Who?”

    “C-L-A-U-S.”

     He looked at the iron gate. Nothing.

     He thought of Swedish girls waiting by a fire tonight; girls wonderfully naughty, wrapped in a red bow, a smile and nothing else.

     He coughed, looked at his breath steaming the air. Stamped his boots in the snow. He pushed the buzzer again.

     He didn’t like moral dilemmas. He sighed. I don’t need this, he thought. It’s not like it used to be.

     “Klaus? From Russia?”

     He almost said it. I know your children. That would get them.

     “Arctic.”

     “Fuck off,” said the gate speaker. A burst of static. Silence.

     He shrugged, turned to the eight reindeer. “Donner”. The reindeer tensed its haunches, dropped a load. “Blitzen.” Each reindeer complied.

     He climbed back into the sleigh, checked his boot soles. Next time it won’t be pretty toys, he thought. He shook the reins.

200 words exactly.

(Annabeth!  Hi, I found your comment on Dec18.  Take a look.)

11 comments:

  1. Brilliant! If not exactly in the spirit of the season!

    Nothing like a bit of reindeer dung to warm up a winter night.

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  2. Hee Hee
    I'd be impatient to get back to some Swedish girls wrapped only in bows. Don't F with the man in red.

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  3. Hi Lisabet!

    There is a kind of Bah Humbug about it. This was not the original story I wrote for this theme. I had written a story a little over 3000 words about frustration and then yesterday discovered that it was supposed to be flash fiction of about 200 words. I've never written or critiqued flash fiction, totally new to me. Talk about being frustrated.

    So the story went into the drawer for some other fine day and I knocked this one off. I can see flash fiction as a creative challenge to see how much you can say with 200 words, but as far as a character and narrative arc its a little frustrating in itself.

    Hey - I read your Witches of Gloucester last night! That was fun. These women. Here's a compliment - it inspired me to fantasize. Stories don't often do that. I liked these three women. I wanted to be Emmeline and imagined life with the witches, bisexually exploring magic together. There's a longer story there somewhere.

    Garce

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    1. I thought you'd like my witches ;^)

      Actually, I had just finished it when you posted your story "Craft". They have some things in common.

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  4. Well, for someone unfamiliar with flash fiction. you've done a bang-up job of this in not much time.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Technically speaking, this is a knockout.

      And I'm looking forward to seeing the longer story at some point!

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  5. As a writer and editor of short stories, I get impatient sometimes with novels and all the words they waste. And the older I get, the more I realize that less is more even in short stories, as long as the writer is good enough to bring it off. This story certainly brings it off!

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  6. Definitely amusing! And I feel for your personal frustration as far as the 3000-word story. I hope we get to read it sometime!

    Thanks for the note about the Dec 18 comment. I checked it out. We are having the slowest conversation ever! :)

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