Monday, December 22, 2014

Recursive Frustration

A 200 Word Flasher by Lisabet Sarai



“One hundred five words.” The vibe inside me comes to life. I squirm in my chair.

He chuckles. “Not good enough, Pet. Cut some more.”

“Please, Sir – I can’t. Oh...!”

His hand on my shoulder. His warm breath in my ear. A new electric sunburst between my thighs. “Read it.”

Her mouth closes around his substantial cock, but her eyes never leave mine. Her panties stuff my mouth, choking my moans. Her nylons secure my wrists and ankles to the dining room chair. And my dick? Swollen beyond possibility of relief within the leather cage she bought for our anniversary.

She won’t let me come. I’ll watch the drool run down her chin as she deep throats this stranger. Later she’ll spread her slick, shaved cunt so that he can hammer her. She might even take that massive prick up her ass.

As I bask in her lovely cruelty, I’ll remember. I asked for this.

You don’t need ‘lovely’.”

But I do – to show he cares.”

He shrugs. “It’s your orgasm.”

“Flashers are two hundred words now. Aw...”

“I’m a traditionalist.”

“Help me! Please...”

“Discipline, slut! So important for a writer.”

Five words stand between me and ecstasy.

14 comments:

  1. Lisabet:
    Is there anything you don't do well? You've set the bar high with this one and that's despite me being squiky about the cuckold male thing.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You should see me try to hammer a nail without bending it or smashing my thumb!

      Although thanks to my husband I do know how to mix concrete.

      Delete
  2. What lovely punishment. I love this!

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    1. Thanks, Naomi!

      I have a secret belief that 200 word flashers are for wimp!

      Delete
  3. That's what we tell 'em for Flasher Sundays on ERWA:

    "Cut, cut, cut!"

    One of the most telling (and fun) elements of the flasher experience is when we condense a 500 or 1000 word story into 200 words. We then see how bloated our prose can be, and just how much it actually takes to tell a complete story. The rest is embellishment. The opposite path is to tell the story in just a few words, then add the embellishment (sex). Yeow!

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    1. This was a really interesting exercise, because I knew from the start I wanted a flasher inside a flasher.

      And in fact, I know exactly what I'd cut to get the inner flasher down to 100 words.

      But that would spoil the whole thing!

      Delete
  4. The bare bones - and it worked so well!

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    1. Thanks, JP!

      I used to hate writing flashers, but something has changed. I think I've gotten more disciplined LOL.

      Delete
  5. Great story! Kind of puts the "hard" in hard work cutting words from one's writing.

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  6. Intense! This somewhat reminds me of a hilarious poem by Simon Sheppard, "Poetic Discipline," in which the gay-male narrator is being topped by a scary male Muse.

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  7. I love the flasher within a flasher format, Lisabet! It's amazing to get a frame story going with just 200 words. Awesome!

    I'm also curious which 5 words you'd cut, though I know what you mean about that spoiling it. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Annabeth. This was something of an exercise in self-control.

      As for what I'd cut, I'd change "stuffed his mouth, choking his moans" to "choked his moans" (-3 words). And I would drop "dining room". (-2 more)

      I would keep the "lovely" though.

      Dom's are not ALWAYS right. ;^)

      Delete
    2. Ooh, thank you for sharing the secret! Those edits sound good to me. I like the in-story justification for keeping "lovely", definitely. :)

      Delete