"Pulizie!"
She stood by the cleaning cart and knocked again. "Housekeeping!" she said in English. She could feel the emptiness through the door.
She stood by the cleaning cart and knocked again. "Housekeeping!" she said in English. She could feel the emptiness through the door.
There was no answer so she took her pass key and
unlocked it. She pushed the door open
and stayed by the cleaning cart. She announced
herself again in Italian and waited. Staying with the cart, she leaned
in the doorway cautiously and glanced around.
There was no one. She went
in.
On the
dresser below the wall mounted TV screen an open suitcase was still in the
process of being packed. She glanced at it
in passing as she went to the bathroom.
She had
been working in the little hotel in Rome for ten years. In that time there had been four suicides. Also two murders, most likely a result of
adulterous affairs, but the poliziotto would never tell you anything. She glanced at the bed, which had been
roughly made up. She stepped into the
white tiled bathroom, alert for spots of blood.
The toilet had been flushed, that was nice. The American woman who was
staying there, she had met her once, had neatly folded the towels out of that
guilty thoughtfulness rich Americans sometimes put on for the working class.
She took
the towels and carried them out to the cleaning cart and brought back a fresh
armful. She replaced the towels, went
back to the cart and took the soap bottles and sponges. She scrubbed down the
toilet bowl and the sink. She emptied
the waste basket.
She went
back to the cleaning cart and took the spray bottle of glass cleaner and tore
off a wad of paper towels.
She didn’t
like cleaning mirrors. It was something
she got through quickly. When she was a
girl she had seen a horror movie of a mirror that imprisoned a woman's soul. You
could see the woman trapped behind the glass beating her fists, screaming
soundlessly. In the movies people were always looking in mirrors and seeing
someone's bloody face there.
And this
morning, as any morning, she did. The
face of an aging woman with tired eyes holding up a blue bottle of cleaner and
a paper towel. A woman who had not been
touched for a long time. A woman with
two children and a useless run away husband she hadn't seen since the birth of
the second one, a son. A son! He wouldn’t even stay for a son. She
did not like mirrors. They did steal
your soul.
She
finished the mirror, took a critical glance around and went back to the
bedroom. She peeled off the comforter
and tossed it in a pile on a chair. Sure,
the bed sheet had a wet spot, there it was. Two of them.
A busy night. She checked the
bedspread to make sure it was clean underneath and it was. Americans.
Full of this kind of catholic guilt, but then doing these things like
hiding their spunk under bedspreads, like a dog burying its shit.
I'm a just a
cleaning maid, she thought. I’m not your
priest.
She tore
off the sheets, but the wet spots hadn't gone through to the mattress. She gave it a sniff, shook some cleaning
fluid on a sponge and wiped it down anyway.
She changed the sheets and put the bed back together.
She stood
next to the bed, thinking about the two wet spots. How would they have done it? Had she lain across the small bed with her
legs in the air? Had she gotten on all
fours?
She felt
herself shaking. It was an effect of
being in a room where sex had occurred. It made her apprehensive as though
being haunted by the ghosts of the living.
Her body told her what to do next.
What to do with that tension. Trembling,
muttering softly, she went to the open door, looked outside both ways and
gently shut it. She threw the deadbolt
lock. She went to the TV, turned it on,
found a talk show and turned the sound to a neutral level. Loud enough to hear a knock and still give
herself a little time.
She lay across the bed with her legs wide apart, with her feet
dangling over one side and her hair dangling down the other. She looked up with
the fucked woman’s traditional view of the overhead light in its baroque
little glass globe and the odd cracks running across the ceiling.
Had the woman with the suitcase laid across the bed counting the
cracks while the man - did what? Laid over her, belly on belly? Made the bed springs squeal to the rhythm of
his grunts while her head dangled over the edge of the mattress,
eyes half closed looking up at the bouncing ceiling? Maybe he had been a good lover, he spread
her legs, maybe put his face down deep, maybe took her swelling, ticklish nub between his lips and
licked and sucked it. Slipped a wetted
finger inside her and rubbed his finger tip in and out while he sucked at her,
and gently batted her nub with his tongue tip for as long as it took to conjure
her ecstasy.
They start like that to suck you in, to make the sale, to
convince you they will always make love to you, just that way. But you marry and it all changes. You're not a lover, you're a
responsibility. Some men have the
ability to be friends with women over time.
Some men just don't. They want
their mothers, and you are not, are not never, their mothers.
It had been so long since she had laid like this, across the
bed, laid out in such a way you could shift a man off his balance ever so slightly, making him drive the weight of his delicious
thrusts into you. He might have to grip
you by the shoulders to keep you from slipping off the mattress while he drove
you hard. Feeling yourself being banged
and inched towards the void so that you might grip him as well, wrap your
thighs around him, so tight that he would never leave you, while he slipped an arm behind your shoulders and hugged you hard as he made the bed springs shake with each
famished thrust and your hips ached deliciously, painful and eager.
She rolled over on her side, reached over and took a
pillow. She put the pillow between her
legs. She crushed it hard with her
thighs and felt the thickness of it pressed all up into her, all the while
listening for any rattle of a key in a door lock. She reached for the other
pillow and took it into her arms and held it tight to her face. She put the corner of the white pillow case
into her mouth, between her teeth and sucked it ferociously.
She stretched her legs out, crossed her feet, wiggled her toes,
squeezing the pillow hard between her strong legs. She imagined a man who would not leave her, thrusting
harder, perhaps to fend off her own aggression, riding a horse gone wild, struggling
to keep his very balls from being mashed by her mindless frenzy for him. She bit with her teeth, crushed with her
mighty thighs and thought she could feel for a moment, that lost, reeling,
suspended moment of a man when he rears up like a stallion, makes that final
hard, brainless push, all the way in, hard, holding it right in there, their groins
clenching at each other like animals mating, eyes squeezed shut as he makes that
desperate cry of release and then the warm thick splatter reaching at her
insides, deep, so deep within, filled with possibility.
Antonio, that fucking finnoccio, would always burst into tears in
that moment, lay his head between her breasts, sag his weight down crushing the
breath from her, weeping his little boy heart out.
Men never tell you why they do these things.
To be so desired again.
Maybe, maybe to sit in a restaurant with the man who had stayed in this
bed with the woman. In the restaurant, his eyes
would scan the room jealously and he might say something like -
"There. Don’t look
at him, no – don’t - but at the table by the window the man in the rich suit is
looking at you. He is staring at
you. His mouth is open, I think he is
drooling. And now there's that other man
with the red beard, the one who looks like a pirate. Now he is staring at you. He has that dull far away look. I know that look. Now a third man, standing in the line waiting
for a table, staring at you with that dumb face. His eyes move up and down, because
he can see the profile of your breasts from where he is standing and he is imagining how it would feel, the weight of them,to hold up your breasts in his hands. He has that look of a man under the spell of
a woman. If there is an afterlife he wants to be reincarnated as your bra.
"Do you know what they are thinking? These men?
They are imagining you naked. Right now they are imagining it! I
know that look because I have that look. You know it too, because
you make me stare just that way, when you stand right in front of me and lift your breasts. You do it slow, to torture me. You
make my eyes beg. And then you allow me a little touch. That's your game. Its not enough to fuck you
is it? You have to stop my heart with one
look, so that you are the only woman in all the world. How do you seduce these men from across a
noisy room? Without even looking their
way? How do they pick you out and fall
for your spell?"
And then maybe he would say, these pillows between her legs,
maybe her man would then say -
"Every man wants to fuck you. I want to tell these men – she’s even more
beautiful, more impossible when she’s naked than you will ever know. More than you can ever imagine. You get to want her. But me, I’m the one who gets to fuck her
anytime she calls to me. I’m the blessed
one."
Are there men like this?
She wondered. Or do they all turn
into dried up old husbands in the end?
She opened her legs and tossed the crushed pillow up against the bed stead. Took the other pillow from her teeth and looked at the wet crescent she'd drooled onto it. She yanked the pillow case away and got off the bed. She unlocked the door, looked left and right, took a fresh pillow case from the cart and changed the pillow.
She opened her legs and tossed the crushed pillow up against the bed stead. Took the other pillow from her teeth and looked at the wet crescent she'd drooled onto it. She yanked the pillow case away and got off the bed. She unlocked the door, looked left and right, took a fresh pillow case from the cart and changed the pillow.
The bed was done. The
bathroom was done. A quick once over
with a vacuum cleaner and there an end.
As she ran the vacuum over the carpet under the bed it made that
whine of something stuck in the nozzle.
She turned it off and flipped it over.
There was a sheen of three gold wrappers which she pulled out and held
in her hand. Three fresh torn condom wrappers,
one with teeth marks, two stains on the bed. She had worked
her man hard, that woman. Drained his
balls.
She tossed them into the trash bag of the cart and sighed. She
wrapped the cord of the vacuum and put it out by the cart.
As she passed the open suitcase, she saw the corner of good
stationary. Listening for the door,
looking around her, she carefully drew it out and read the English hand
writing.
“ . . . and
then I shove my face down there and just flat out rape your pussy with my
tongue while you curl your toes and curse me until you come in my face. I miss you so much I want to take out my dick
and look at it standing up in the morning air. I'm keeping it for you. I have
the celibate patience of a monk. You'll be here soon. . .”
She took the hotel stationary from a drawer, scribbled down the faithfully waiting man's return address on the front of an embroidered envelope. She put the condom wrappers inside, licked it
and sealed it. She put the envelope in
her work apron and carefully replaced the American woman's letter back in the
suitcase.
She would pass the post office on the way home. Airmail with a
1st day delivery, even if it cost a little more.
This neatly answers questions brought up in Pt. 1, which made it to the ERWA gallery. Be sure to submit it to Storytime in the near future so it can be added.
ReplyDeleteIt's been so long I forgot about the gallery. They gave my early stories daylight for the first time, what a thrill that was and still is.
ReplyDeleteI'll shine this one up and post it. I need to start giving back though and offer critiques also. Thanks Daddy!
Does the maid think she's doing the man at home a favor by sending what she thinks is incriminating evidence? It seems so sad. But we already have reason to think that the man and woman's relationship is more complex than the maid could know.
ReplyDeleteIt seemed like an interesting thing to do and leave hanging in the air.
DeleteThe reason if any might be a sense of bitterness on the play of the maid. Her man left her and she hasn't felt erotic love since. Here's a letter from this passionate man who's staying faithful to the woman and she's having an affair out of sight. So it's possible the maid is being a bit spiteful.
This is a delicious continuation to the previous part, Garce. You convey a woman's feeling remarkably well. However, I wonder whether a woman, especially a relatively poor woman like this one, would be able to articulate a man's experience of sex so vividly.
ReplyDeleteYou've caught the way we fantasize, though. It's never more than a few breaths from the real world to a world where we are universally desired.
In these last two stories I've been unconsciously experimenting with an odd kind of dialogue, a fantasy dialogue in which it looks like two people talking when in fact only one is, but it's really an extension of the kind of dialogue that goes on in my own sexual fantasies. The kind of things I wish I could say to a woman.
ReplyDeleteGarce, this is definitely the best post on this topic.
ReplyDeleteT thanks Jean!
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking about lisabets comment, about catching women's universal fantasy of being desired. I think this must be the essence of what we do, and what romance writing is about when the magic is working right, this universal want or need to know that you are desirable and desired. Not just fancy fucking, but to be lusted after and wanted it's the soul of it all.
ReplyDelete