Thursday, April 2, 2009

Does size matter?

By Kim Dare.

Every week I help out in a local slimming group - No, not Weight Watchers, lol. A different one. You’re actually allowed to eat with us ;)

So, every week I see about 250 women, and a few men, who want to lose weight.

Some want to lose weight for health reasons. Some want to lose weight because they want to fit into a certain wedding dress or a certain bikini. There are a fair number who I’m pretty sure come because it’s a nice place to spend an hour or so catching up with their friends and talking about new recipes. And yes, I think some women may come to lose weight because they want to look and feel sexier.

I’ve been thinking about this topic since it was first scheduled in our calendar. And I found myself wondering which of the women who are trying to lose weight with us I would consider to be sexy.

They are all different shapes and ages and sizes, but the conclusion I came to is that sexiness has nothing to do with any of that. It’s all about attitude – to life in general and to their weight as well.

Take two women who come to group wanting to lose X pounds. Let’s assume they want to do that because they want to feel sexier.

One woman comes to group every week. Most weeks she loses. Other weeks she has a birthday party or some other special occasion – she goes out and enjoys herself. She puts on. But she gets back on the plan and keeps going. She loses those X pounds.

She fits back into the dress she wore last summer. She feels a bit more confident about herself as a result. Maybe she finds she has a bit more energy. She puts herself back in a healthy weight range and feels proud of herself. Her curves are still there.

She feels sexier and that makes her sexier.

The other woman also comes to group every week. She doesn’t think she’s losing it fast enough. She wants to lose every week. She cuts down what she eats to the point where she makes herself miserable. She won’t go out and enjoy herself. She stresses about her body and judges each little flaw until she doesn’t see anything positive at all.

Even though she achieves the same results as the other lady we were just talking about – she doesn’t feel good about herself. She doesn’t feel more confident. She doesn’t feel sexier and no matter what she looks like – that makes it almost impossible for her to be sexy.

The woman’s weight or size or dress size isn’t important. I’d go so far as to say it isn’t really relevant. Their attitude to their weight – that’s a much bigger factor.

The slimming organisation we belong to has a minimum weight you can be for your height – we won’t help you go below that for health reasons. But when you decide what weight you want to be, there is no maximum weight at which you can set your target.

If you want to go by a BMI chart, that’s fine. If you’re back in your black jeans and happy, that’s fine too.

I think the secret to being a weight / size / whatever that makes you feel sexy is to be a weight / size whatever that makes you feel good about yourself.

As for me? Well, I can’t say I’ve ever wanted to look like one of the women in the magazines or on the catwalk – even though I’m of the generation that’s supposed to be obsessed with it.

A few years ago, when I was deciding what weight I should try to achieve and maintain, I just looked at one of those height to weight charts and picked somewhere around the middle of the healthy weight range.

I’m currently 5 foot 2 inches, and 8 stone 13 pounds (125 pounds if you’re not in the UK). Which is apparently in the middle of healthy.

I go in and out in pretty much all the places I’m supposed to go in and out. There are a few stretch marks here and there and a bit of cellulite – but nothing that’s going to ruin my life.

I eat healthy-ish. If I put on a bit, I eat healthier. If I lose a bit then maybe I add in a few more treats.

But when it comes down to it, my weight has far less impact on my self esteem, sexiness level or anything else than whether or not I’m having a good hair day. High heels make me feel sexier. So does nice perfume and nice underwear. A little bit of leather never did anyone’s self esteem any harm either.

Size? In this case I have to say it really doesn’t matter.


  1. Nice take on the topic, Kim. It sounds like you're fully grounded and comfortable where you are, which is wonderful.



    Have a great day,


  2. Hi Kim.

    I had to think a little about this. Sexy is definately in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to the Could You Would You game, there's sexy thin and too thin, and sexy fat and too fat. I get what you;re saying though, sexy is where you feel healthy and have good confidence if everything else is in order. I've noticed that the body places a low priority on sex. When you're sick, you don't feel horny. The body wants that energy for other things. Sex is a luxury the body gives you when everything else is in order.



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