I Cannot Tell A Lie

by Daddy X

Posting this from a remote cabin in Yosemite National Park.  Hope it makes its way through cyberspace…

I guess I’ve been lucky in not remembering many awkward situations. As I recall, I’ve always been fairly well-balanced and self-assured. Or maybe it’s just my memory, burying those awkward events so I can suppose a better image of myself at this point in life. :>)

I do remember one time things didn’t quite go as planned. I’d been laid off a job in San Francisco and took the opportunity to relocate to coastal Mendocino, out in the sticks. Since I’d been laid off and hadn’t quit my previous gig, I qualified for unemployment compensation until I found another job.

Well, you know how that goes in a rural area. There aren’t many places to work. So, once I’d exhausted all the legitimate interviews, I started making them up. When a woman at the unemployment office reviewed the form I’d submitted, listing all the places I said I’d been seeking employment, she asked who I had seen at Georgia Pacific Lumber.

 I said something like: “Oh, some woman gave me an application and I filled it out even though she said they weren’t hiring. She said they’d keep it on file.”

The unemployment woman came back with, “Well, my husband is the only one working in that human resources department.” Followed by, “You understand that misrepresenting yourself is against the law, don’t you? You can be prosecuted for that.”

I felt my head begin to swim. Ever since childhood, I’d been prone to passing out from a sudden or intense pain. Apparently, that included when caught in a lie. Gulp!

I said sheepishly, “I’m not feeling very well. I think I need a breath of air.”

She replied, “Yes, I think that’s a good idea. And get your story straight—while you’re out there breathing.”

After several minutes, I went back and asked for a new form. The balls I had! I couldn’t even imagine doing that today.