I had a colleague who was fond of quoting from Sun Tzu’s The
Art of War. Much of what is in that book makes a great deal of sense, even two
and a half thousand years later, but my favourite quote is this one:
The supreme art
of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting
I think the modern translation would go something like ‘get
others to do as you want, but make them think they’re doing what they want.” I
suppose it’s even better if the other person is actually doing what they want. Many of my stories feature BDSM
relationships, often new relationships where the submissive is just discovering
the exquisite magic to be found in pain, and sometimes making those discoveries
against their better judgement. In real life, of course, people go into D/s
play with their eyes open, those are the rules – safe, sane, consensual – but I
like to think a little angst makes for a better story. After all, I don’t write
training manuals.
A couple of OGGs ago I mentioned getting back the rights to
some of my earlier work. One of those stories soon to revert to me is Sure Mastery, a trilogy whose main
female character has more than a few battles to face and she becomes very
skilled at choosing when to stand up for herself, then going for it. Ashley contrives
to get her abusive boyfriend arrested when he pushes her too far, but finds
herself reluctantly submitting to a spanking from an angry Dom she hardly knows.
In fairness, on that first occasion she has little choice in the matter (yes, I
know, I know), but the next time he suggests he might punish her she’s not
having it. This excerpt is Ashley making a stand, and meaning it.
“I’ve never done much
ironing. Maybe I should just leave that, or practise on tea towels or
something…”
He fixes me with a glare,
the mossy glint in his eyes chilling. “Practise on your own tea towels if you
must, in your own time. But you’re on my
time now and I want you to iron my shirts, jeans and bedding. Maybe a
sweatshirt or two, whatever’s in there. And anything you ruin gets added onto
your debt. Or maybe I’ll just take it out of your hide. Again.” His lips quirk. He’s probably
joking. Maybe. But those jibes and veiled threats sting, they hurt me,
undermine my fragile self-confidence, every time. And as far as I’m concerned
there’s no funny side to this. He needs setting straight.
I take a deep breath, set
my shoulders and lift my chin. Best to look the part. And I go for it.
“No, Mr Shore. You won’t.
You won’t lay a finger on me again. In any circumstances.”
Now I do have his attention. He regards me quizzically before leaning
back in his chair, his booted feet up on the spare seat next to him. That hard
emerald glitter is fixed on me. “Do go on, Ashley. I get the impression you’ve
something you want to say.” His tone is soft, but I’m not misled by that. I
square my shoulders again, I can’t back down now.
I clutch my mug of coffee
to stop my hands shaking, but this is my opportunity, maybe the only chance
I’ll get to set out my stall, and I need to do it quickly. “You caught me at a disadvantage that
first time when you, when you…”
“When I stripped you
naked, put you over my knee and spanked you?” he puts in helpfully.
I know my face is
beetroot, the very memory of how he treated me that day, how I let him treat me, mortifying. After
everything I’ve been through, that I could allow such a thing to happen to me…
I stare into my coffee for a few moments, regrouping. But the words are not to
be stopped. “Yes. That. I should never have let you do that. You had no right.”
“I don’t remember giving
you much choice, to be fair.”
“Well, whatever, like I
told you then, I’m not a punchbag or a doormat. Not anymore. I lived with a
violent man, a man who thought it was okay to kick me around when he felt like
it. Even to rape me. But I left Kenny, and I started again. I’m different now,
and I won’t let any man think he’s got a right to hit me just for scorching his
shirts. Or for anything. I’ll do my best with the ironing, but if I spoil your
clothes I’ll pay you for any damage in cash. But I won’t work for you for any
longer than we agreed, and I won’t let you hit me again.”
No? What are you going to do about it then? I wait,
defiant, for the inevitable response. And even before he calls my bluff I’m
starting to consider, and dismiss, my options. Walk out? To go where? Call the
police? Yeah, right. I’ve marched myself into a corner and I’ve no real way out
I can see. What an idiot.
And to top it all, my
voice was cracking by the time I finished my little speech and I’m horrified at
what I’ve let slip. I never intended to tell anyone about being raped, least of
all this overbearing bully who came close to doing the same thing to me, only
stopping because he doesn’t find me even attractive enough for that. Thank God.
But I should never have mentioned it—it’s still too painful to talk about, too
personal and too raw. A long silence follows my little outburst. He doesn’t
move, but I can feel his eyes on me. Watching, assessing. I wait for his next
attack.
Instead, “He raped you?
Kenny?” The question is soft, gentle.
I nod. “Yes. Twice.”
“Did you report it to the
police?”
Ah, here we go. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I lived with him, slept
with him, had sex with him regularly. Who’d have believed me that once or twice
it was against my will? And… I was scared of him.”
He nods, doesn’t press me
further, seems to accept this explanation. “I knew he was a vicious git. I saw
the way he treated you that night. I just didn’t realise… I understand now why
you were afraid of Nathan and me when we came to your cottage.” He hesitates,
his gaze softening. “I’m sorry for that, and for the way I spoke to you
afterwards. I was insensitive and cruel. You are safe here, with me. I hope you can believe that.” He reaches
out, tips my chin up with his fingers, gently raising my eyes to his.
I hold his gaze, assertive
Ashley back on her soapbox. “Yes, I do believe that. But only because you don’t
fancy me. I’m too scrawny, ‘not enough to go around’ I think you said.” The
bitter sting of those cruel, dismissive words still bites. Hard. Without
thinking about possible consequences I press my point. “And I’m not having any
more of that from you either. No more insults, no more belittling me with your
personal comments. I won’t let you make me feel small again. Just leave me be,
and if you’ve nothing nice to say about me then keep your opinions to yourself, please.”
Gently cupping my chin
with his palm, he holds my gaze, his gorgeous eyes now warm, tender almost. And I see
respect starting to dawn there. At last, he speaks, his tone low, serious. A
hint of admiration there, just maybe.
“Well said, Ashley. You’re right, and I apologise.
For the things I said to you, back then and just now. I was rude, cruel, and
what I said wasn’t true. The truth is, you’re so lovely you take my breath
away—especially naked.”
https://www.amazon.com/Unsure-Sure-Mastery-Book-1-ebook/dp/B00GUN1UNM/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1516114311&sr=1-2&keywords=Sure+Mastery
I hope the Dom is as trustworthy as he seems!
ReplyDeleteGreat segue into an intriguing excerpt.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really sure that most people getting into BDSM in the real world know what they're doing. I certainly didn't. I mean, I wasn't in any way forced, but the whole process was a gradual awakening... not a choice to be made in an instant.
I like how this story seems to be getting at gray areas, Ashe!
ReplyDelete