An Interview with the Hubster

I have no frikkin' idea what it's like to live with a writer, because I do not live with one, I am one. So for this week I had to turn to the nearest source of information on the topic... the Hubster. We sat down Thursday evening to discuss the matter.

*****

Me (at my desktop in my pajamas): Come here, you have to help me with something.

Hubster (at his desktop in his pajamas): What's that?

Me: I have to write a blog post on what it's like to live with a writer. You're going to answer some questions for me.

Hubster: Uh...

Me: Well?

Hubster: Questions?

Me: First question. What's it like to live with a writer?

(Long pause... Laughter... Another long pause... )

Me: Okay, laughing boy, you have to answer sometime.

Hubster: I'm thinking... There's a lot of clacking, that's for sure.

Me: Shut it. I have to type while we're doing this so I can get it all down. Now answer the question. What's it like to live with a writer?

(Yet another long pause... more laughter...)

Me: Just do this thing for me.

Hubster: Okay. Let's see, uh, spouse disappears for hours at a time.

Me: So long that you've considered calling for a search and rescue team?

Hubster: Well that's when I send the kids upstairs.

Me: You send the kids because you don't want to come up and interrupt?

Hubster: No, I assume you'll eventually get hungry.

Me: So other than disappearing, what else?

(Long pause...)

Hubster: Lots of topics about situations that don't normally occur in everyday life.

Me: Like what?

Hubster: Well there was the conversation this morning.

Me: The one about tea bagging?

Hubster: Yeeeeeessss...

Me: Hey, I thought you would find that interesting from a political standpoint. Personally, I will never look at the Tea Party Rallies in the same light ever again.

Hubster: Uh-huh.

(Long pause...)

Me: Okay, so what's the worst thing about being married to a writer?

Hubster: Not seeing your spouse for hours at a time.

Me: I might point out, you are the one who works outside the house eight or more hours a day.

Hubster: Yes I am.

Me: You are also the one who goes to conferences every month.

Hubster: Yes. You only do that for the first half of the year.

Me: My conferences don't usually take all week.

Hubster: Uh-huh.

Me: Whatever. What's the best thing about being married to a writer?

(Long pause... More laughing...)

Me: Okay Chuckles, you're not getting paid by the hour here.

(Longer pause...)

Hubster: I'm trying to pick from all the ideas in my head. You did ask for the best thing. I'm going to go with the constantly expanding intellect.

Me: This isn't some crack about my waistline is it?

Hubster: Only if you keep all your thoughts around that area.

Me: Smart man. Now, what's the most unique thing, the thing you never expected, about living with a writer?

(Hubster makes a face. He's thinking really, really hard now. More thinking...)

Hubster: You needing three computers.

Me: Well I do use all of them. Every day in fact. So it's not like they're going to waste. Would you rather I use your computer?

Hubster: No.

Me: Do you think our life together is better since I've become a writer, or worse? Or is there no change at all?

Hubster: You being a writer is not really the biggest before and after change in our life.

Me: What do you mean?

Hubster: Well, life when you started writing got better, because you had something you enjoyed outside of work. But now that we have kids and nobody has any time left, it's about the same.

Me: When did I started writing? Before kids?

Hubster: Yeah! You do remember there was a life before the children.

Me: So I've been told. Well anyway, I'm not the only one who's always busy.

(Silence.)

Hubster: That's because I spend so much time thinking of how to make you happy.

(Eye rolling commences.)

Me: Last question. What would you want people to know about living with a writer?

Hubster: Make your plans well ahead of time and get agreement from the writer. Then leave sticky notes afterward.

Me: Hey, is it my fault you always rattle off things like plans before you head out the door in the morning?

Hubster: I'm just saying...

Me: Give me a kiss, you goof, and then get out of here. I gotta clean this thing up or else nobody's going to want to read it.

*****

And there it is, straight from the source. Life with a writer. Sounds pretty exciting, don't it?

For the record, Hubster's an engineer ;)