The Devil Came Down to FaceBook
I logged myself on FaceBook
I passed the password test
I found I had two messages
And a pending friend request
I scanned the messages quickly
Which two of my friends had penned
And then I saw the notification:
Satan wants to be your friend.
Now I didn’t really think it was Satan
I know he’s not really alive.
But I’ve got more than six hundred friends
In fact I’ve got six sixty-five.
And I felt sure it wasn’t Satan
FaceBook must be beyond his old tricks.
But if I accepted his friendship
He’d be number 6 6 6.
“What can it hurt?” I thought boldly.
It’s a joke, he can’t be on the level
I clicked on confirm: my screen turned blood red;
And that’s how I befriended the devil.
“Thank you for adding me,” he wrote on my wall.
“I now own your soul, and you’ll be in my thrall.
Let the innocent hearts feel the fear that I strike.”
I read all of this. And then I pressed LIKE.
My real friends were uneasy
Any fool could see that
I was bombarded with messages
Through FaceBook’s instant chat.
You’ve befriended the devil
He’s the father of sin
You need to act fast
You should delete and block him.
I laughed at their warnings
I said, “Take a chill pill.”
And I closed down the chat
And opened Farmville
Imagine my horror.
My crops had been blighted
My fields were left barren
My barns had been ignited.
My livestock were missing
I’d lost the fruits of my labour
And a slow pulsing message said:
Satan’s your new neighbour.
So I quickly left Farmville
And went to Café World
And here greater horror
My kitchens were closed
My tables were broken
My finances drained
of every last token
A slow pulsing message
Told me I could not play
And it added that Satan
Had closed my café.
I was imprisoned in Mafia Wars
Satan now ruled
And all matching gems
Had been nicked from bejewelled.
My superwall was crumbling
The Happy Aquarium had turned sad
He’d nuked Restaurant City
The devil is bad.
I turned to my friends with my problem
I figured they’d do what they can
But I saw, when I rechecked my profile.
I was left with one friend – just Satan.
I PM’d him. I poked him. I tried to defriend him.
None of it worked in the end.
A message appeared: “Oops! An error occurred.”
And it said Satan still was my friend.
So I deleted myself off of FaceBook.
And I opened a brand new account.
And I’ve slowly won back the old friends that I’d lost
And my lake in Farmville has got trout.
If you’re on MySpace or FaceBook or Twitter
Ignore Satan’s friendship request
It’s clear you’ve not got much life to begin with.
Please don’t let the Devil get the rest.
Report him, ignore him, or block him
Do whatever it takes in the end
But whatever you do just remember:
You must never make Satan your friend.