Before I get started on this week's topic, I should warn you gentle reader. I'm still stuck on zombies. So if some zombies creep and shuffle their way into this post, I hope you won't hold it against me.
Though in all honesty, the zombies I write about don't creep, or shuffle. You seen the Olympic sprinters in 28 Days Later? Yeah, that's what my zombies do. They charge at the hero and heroine full pelt, bloody teeth bared, all-black eyes staring like something unholy and from the movie Krull.
And you know why? Because I want some goddamned peril in my stories. I mean yes yes. The zombies in Romero's trilogy are all well and good. They moan. They lumber. They look like they've had an accident with a can of grey paint.
But they're not quite snarling, drooling, barking sprinters, are they? You could get away from them just by taking a polite stroll for a few moments. How scary does that honestly seem? I can hardly see myself calling my planned trilogy of zombie stories:
"They Strolled A Bit, Politely"
Though I will admit, I've agonised over what to call them. Because the things is, I don't just want them to be about zombies tearing people's necks out. I want them to be about something rarely seen in a zombie movie or even a zombie book:
Hot end of the world fucking.
Because come on. You know it would be. You've finally gotten to a safe place. You're with some hunky, sweaty guy who's just as terrifed for his life as you are, and you're both sure that tomorrow could be your last day on earth. Why are so many sexy zombie books about actually having sex with a zombie, when you could be fucking Brutus, the hot zombie survivor?
And you know he'd be called Brutus. Though when I say Brutus, I'm actually thinking about CJ, from Dawn of the Dead. You know- this guy:
Can you imagine it? Running your hands up his gigantic, hulking, sweating biceps. Tearing off his clothes before the zombies do, then maybe nailing him up against something apocalyptic, like a minivan you've converted into a tank.
Oh, I almost want the zombie apocalypse to happen, just on the off chance I'd get to do that with him.
Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah...writing a post that didn't mention zombies. After I've just written a post entirely comprised of zombies.