Wednesday, January 4, 2012

If The Rapture Comes, Can I have Your Lexus?

Tonight is the big night. After a day of loafing and a late dinner, little more than a snack of left over ham and some wheat bread, Karl took a cool shower to wake up. And all the time—
through the mouthful of bread and meat, the sulking with chin in hand, the late nap, the cold water and soap—the same thought was constantly there. Tonight is the night.

Coming out of the shower, he ran his hand over his rasping
beard stubble and thought of shaving. But then, what's the use?
What's the use of anything? Tonight is the night.

In the mirror, his face, still young looking thanks to excellent health care,
nano-bot infusions, and hormone injections, looked tired. Behind
the eyes, whatever was living behind the eyes that would be
snuffed out by this time tomorrow, that person no longer felt

from "The Rapture" by C. Sanchez-Garcia

appearing in Coming Together As One Ed. Alessia Brio

The end of the world is coming this year, sometime around December 21 2012 right after the presidential elections and just before Christmas and hopefully after dinner, I suppose. This is somehow according to the Mayan calendar. Archaeologists are quick to point out the Mayans never actually said the world will end then, they just stop writing or projecting records past that point, which doesn’t make it any less amazing, oh, those cute Mayans. I guess what I wonder about is, why do so many people seem to be so thrilled at the idea?

The first time I ever came across the end of the world in fiction was in Arthur C Clarke’s Retrospective Hugo Award (who knew there was such a thing?) winning story “The Nine Billion Names of God”. There are these Tibetan monks, oh those cute Tibetans, who have this idea that the Universe was created to list the names of God and then it will come to an end. They’ve been doing it by hand for three hundred years and they’ve made some progress, but its tedious going. Then they discover computers. Computers are so much better at this and a couple of Americans come to install the operation for some good money and get it going and think the monks are crazy and bound for disappointment but when the last name of God ticks out – whoa, sonuvabitch.

So I’m wondering whether to max out my credit cards between now and December 21 and what to do about that book club. The Mayans presumably weren’t Christian, or evangelical Christians at best, but it’s the Evangelicals who seem to be the most enthusiastic in this business. Tim Lahaye’s Left Behind series of books has sold roughly fifty million copies world wide, out grossing, in many senses of the term, Hal Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” which was a big deal in the 70’s. It would be interesting to know how seriously Jesus’ admonitions to give all you have to the poor fit into that kind of wealth.

Along with lucrative book deals, the Rapture has provided some good side businesses as well. Worried if your pet hasn’t accepted Christ as it’s savior just yet? There are services, notably run by atheists, who will be glad to babysit your animals until they change the policy up above;

Aw shucks, everybody else got raptured and you weren’t? Are you screwed? Not necessarily, go for Plan B at:

And Mayor Bloomberg assures us that if the Rapture occurs there will be a suspension of alternate parking rules.

It’s a lovely world generally, in spite of what we’re doing to it, why do people want so badly for it to end?

Tim LaHaye explained where the idea for his million dollar book project first came to him:

"This is an idea that the Lord gave me when I was on a plane. The airline captain came out of his cave and he started flirting with the head stewardess. I noticed that he had a wedding ring on. She did not. I began to see the sparks flying between these two and as he went back into the [cockpit], I got to thinking, "What if the Rapture occurred right now? On this plane, a third of these people would be gone. It would be pandemonium." I imagined this guy, married to I assumed, a Christian, and all of the sudden it would dawn on him, "When I get home, my wife will be gone, and I have been left behind." That’s where the title came from."

I would imagine the other two thirds of surprised passengers left behind on the plane would be very grateful for the Captain’s flirting with a woman if that was all it took to land them safely on the tarmac.

According to Wikipedia, people expected the end of the world in 1844, no less than three times which inadvertantly gave rise to the Bahai movement, not a bad thing. Then 1981, 1988, 1989 and 1992, 1993, 1994, then it got a little rest and was predicted again by Harold Camping and the Family Radio ministries (they often had their cheerfully painted bus parked outside my Starbucks, which was kind of charming, in a '70s way, as if the Grateful Dead might be in town for a show) for May 21st of 2011, and when that misfired moved it up to October 21st and when that didn’t seem to go anywhere, left it alone, at least until December 21st this year. I suppose it was better than the dark paranoia of worrying if the rapture had come in May and you were one of the leftovers and didn’t know it.

Let's play a game, you and me. Listen -

You and I are talking here in my favorite Starbucks at Barnes and Noble where the cute barrista girls know me by name (a talisman against being raptured) and at this moment while you sip the White Chocolate Mocha With a Double Back Flip Espresso Shot and Macchiato Caramel Twist I’ve paid for – Oh! and also a cheesecake, some Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet cheesecake, mmm - MMM! Good! – so in this luxurious situation, which is conducive to sinful behavior later, in fact you know with certainty your house is on fire.

Your house is on fire. Seriously on fire.

You have children in the house, and the door is locked from the outside and cannot be opened, and just to be sure I boarded up the damn windows too. As we are talking and nibbling on cheesecake and woo-woo coffee, you know with a certainty your children are roasting alive and cannot be rescued, thanks to me.

But, don't worry. You're okay. You're with me. Enjoy your cheesecake.

So how are your babies doing right now? Let's get a feel for it, try this -

Turn on the burner of your stove, set it to high. Wait till the coils are nice and red. Hold your head over it and I will accommodate you by pressing the side of your head down hard on the red coils. I will hold your head down as long as it takes me to sing the first verse of “Nearer My God to Thee”. When you try to raise your head your ear and most of your face will stay behind on that burner.

That’s what’s happening to your children right now while you and I are having coffee and praising me indefinately for the nice cheesecake.

And by the way – it usually takes a long time to die by burning to death. Ask Joan of Arc.

Are you enjoying your cheesecake? Not so much? A little distracted are we?

And you'd better keep on thanking me for that cheesecake, little buddy. Or I might change my mind.

I don’t understand people who love the idea of the Rapture. Or the end of the world, because they think it won't include them. What will heaven be for people who rejoice in luxury while those they loved and brought into the world are in the worst physical and emotional misery? What does it say about you if you’re okay with that and you’re willing to spend eternity praising The Guy who locked your kids in that burning house?

To my way of thinking the rapture, or any self serving desire for the world to end for the rest of us, represents that most insidious and universal of spiritual diseases – spiritual pride. The desire to be elite and somehow superior in God’s eyes, which perhaps more than any other single idea in the Gospels was openly dispised by Jesus, who went out of his way to preach the opposite of spiritual pride. This was an idea that screwed me over for a long time, and the only cure is when you finally reach that broken place where you’re not sure what’s going on and no longer believe you know.

Before I finish, how about a Bible story, a good one from 1 Kings 19: 9-13 about the prophet Elijah. I've always liked this story. Maybe you will.

Elijah goes up on Mount Sinai, where Moses received the ten commandments and he knows, I forget how, that God is going to pass by there. It is, after all, God’s mountain. So he’s hiding in a cave. The Bible says a great strong wind passed by that split the mountains and smashed rocks, but God was not in the wind. And then there was a huge earthquake, but the Bible says God was not in the earthquake. Then there was this huge fire burning the forest, but God was not in the fire.

Then the Good Book says there was a silence. A very powerful silence. A silence so strong that Elijah threw his mantle over his face and came out of the cave. A still voice came to him from the silence. It never says God spoke to him. It says a small voice came to him how of the deep, compelling silence.

“What are you doing here, Elijah?”

C. Sanchez-Garcia


  1. Garce you have a gift of making your observations about religion understandable to those of us who haven't studied it as thoroughly as you have. The analogy of the burning house holding your children while you eat cheesecake and enjoy being with God is an apt metaphor for what I have always found to be the remarkable hubris of those who insist that only THEY know THE WAY to God. And only THEIR God exists. Everyone else is just fooling themselves. Huh?

    If God indeed is the life-force that animates every living thing, then there is not so much a consciousness as a force, which is life itself. I like your post last year about the Tulkas. I shared that one with my husband and one son who likes to study religions, and we had many discussions about that concept.

    By the way, I live in a heavily evangelical town, where many work for the local religious college that trains missionaries to go out and preach. Yet I've always had friendships with those who live around us, who know damn well our cars are all in the driveway on Sunday Dad used to call us "7th-Day Absentists". I'd love to get the bumper sticker:"Come the rapture, can I have your car?" (, but fear it would get my car keyed.

    Another interesting post. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Hi Fiona!

    Thanks for reading my stuff! I admit i stole the title from a similar bumper sticker i saw in a parking lot that said "If the Rapture Comes Can I have Your Truck? which actually reads a little funnier than Lexus, but LExus makes my point a little better.

    I've come to a very similar conclusion as you have regarding God as a life force. The fact is I still believe in God, in spite of everything, I've just lost my ability to be a theist. I definately don;t believe in Heaven and Hell. While I'm writing this in a cafeteria near where I work, an old Japanese woman in black jumpers and Reeboks is cleanin the table. She has small wrinkles all over her face, and hair tucked under her baseball cap and I feel sorry and wonder why she;s working at her age. She's old enough to have been around during the endof WWII and has seen some stuff. She's very different from me, but as i watch her work, and I watch a fly crawling on the top of my coffee cup i think all these things come from teh same place, that somewhere out there underlying matter isa common pool of consciousness and it manifests itself mysteriously wherever life appears. The fly doesn;t experience the same world that I do, but it shares it, and the old Japanese woman who has probably seen things I can;t imagine is very different from me and has very different interests than me and yet we all come from the same place, her, me and the fly. It's all God.


  3. Garce, this is one of your best yet.

    People hold on to the notion that they're the Chosen Ones because it helps smother the fear. Somehow they don't see how anti-spiritual the concept is. In fact, practically every war and many acts of everyday violence arise from the belief that some people are somehow worth more than others - that there's us and then there's the detested, despised, damned Them.

    I had a mini-revelation the other day when I was trying to meditate. "Remember who you are." If we all carry a spark of divinity within us - if as you say (and I believe) it's all God - then maybe remembering that will help us - no, me - I shouldn't speak for anyone else - act in a more loving, compassionate, joyful, honest way.

  4. Another of your good posts about spirituality, Garce. This explains exactly why I don't want to hear about being Saved or Chosen for eternal bliss by anyone who believes in God as the Great Sifter.

  5. Hi Lisabet!

    I`think fear`has`a`lot to do with it. There's`so`much`out there to be fearful of. Life is so unpredictable for ourselves and those we love. We want to see in God some higher power that can be an advocate for us. The thing is though I have a lot of respect for the power of theistic faith, even if I'v lostmine. Faith is a tremendous source of strength to some people and enables them to go beyond their limits, I experienced that myself back in the day and I envy people who still have that afdvantage in life. But in the end I believe its true that the greater truth is that we all` come from the same place and sooner or later will all return to it. As` you say, its all God.


  6. Hi roberta!

    The great sifter - that si such a good expression. That's just what it is, and by sifting dividing instead of uniting. When we divide ourselves from others we lose the ability to feel that we all share the same fate and sorrows.


  7. (Hi Garceus. Saw this on the net.)


    Many are still unaware of the eccentric, 182-year-old British theory underlying the politics of American evangelicals and Christian Zionists.
    Journalist and historian Dave MacPherson has spent more than 40 years focusing on the origin and spread of what is known as the apocalyptic "pretribulation rapture" - the inspiration behind Hal Lindsey's bestsellers of the 1970s and Tim LaHaye's today.
    Although promoters of this endtime evacuation from earth constantly repeat their slogan that "it's imminent and always has been" (which critics view more as a sales pitch than a scriptural statement), it was unknown in all official theology and organized religion before 1830.
    And MacPherson's research also reveals how hostile the pretrib rapture view has been to other faiths:
    It is anti-Islam. TV preacher John Hagee has been advocating "a pre-emptive military strike against Iran." (Google "Roots of Warlike Christian Zionism.")
    It is anti-Jewish. MacPherson's book "The Rapture Plot" (see Armageddon Books etc.) exposes hypocritical anti-Jewishness in even the theory's foundation.
    It is anti-Catholic. Lindsey and C. I. Scofield are two of many leaders who claim that the final Antichrist will be a Roman Catholic. (Google "Pretrib Hypocrisy.")
    It is anti-Protestant. For this reason no major Protestant denomination has ever adopted this escapist view.
    It even has some anti-evangelical aspects. The first publication promoting this novel endtime view spoke degradingly of "the name by which the mixed multitude of modern Moabites love to be distinguished, - the Evangelical World." (MacPherson's "Plot," p. 85)
    Despite the above, MacPherson proves that the "glue" that holds constantly in-fighting evangelicals together long enough to be victorious voting blocs in elections is the same "fly away" view. He notes that Jerry Falwell, when giving political speeches just before an election, would unfailingly state: "We believe in the pretribulational rapture!"
    In addition to "The Rapture Plot" (available also at any library through inter-library loan), MacPherson's many internet articles include "Famous Rapture Watchers," "Pretrib Rapture Diehards," "Edward Irving is Unnerving," "America's Pretrib Rapture Traffickers," "Thomas Ice (Bloopers)," "Pretrib Rapture Secrecy" and "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty" (massive plagiarism, phony doctorates, changing of early "rapture" documents in order to falsely credit John Darby with this view, etc.!).
    Because of his devastating discoveries, MacPherson is now No. 1 on the "hate" list of pretrib rapture leaders who love to ban or muddy up his uber-accurate findings in sources like Wikipedia - which they've almost turned into Wicked-pedia!
    There's no question that the leading promoters of this bizarre 19th century end-of-the-world doctrine are solidly pro-Israel and necessarily anti-Palestinian. In light of recently uncovered facts about this fringe-British-invented belief which has always been riddled with dishonesty, many are wondering why it should ever have any influence on Middle East affairs.
    This Johnny-come-lately view raises millions of dollars for political agendas. Only when scholars of all faiths begin to look deeply at it and widely air its "dirty linen" will it cease to be a power. It is the one theological view no one needs!
    With apologies to Winston Churchill - never has so much deception been foisted on so many by so few!

  8. Hi Anonymous!

    "Iminnent and always has been"? There's an interesting paradox.

    When I read this, it makes me think what chaos "Heaven" would be is such a herd of cats were gathered there. They'd be giving each other Bible quizzes to make sure each one wasn't there by mistake. I can see poor Jesus sitting off by himself with his hands over his ears.



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