Alpha males are big in romance right now. Or are they? I think that the heroes we have now are very romanticized versions of the alpha. I surfed the web in search of a nice neat definition of an alpha. I wasn't surprised when I failed to find one.
The closest was the definition of the alpha mammal (humans qualify!) In the simplest terms, the alpha is the one that everyone else defers to in regard to decisions or wishes. Hmph. Isn't that the male that we used to have prior to feminism? Are we sure we want him back?
It must be hard for men to figure out what women want anymore. We read books with supposed alpha heroes. When we describe the ideal male, he's an alpha male. But the truth is if a true alpha claimed most of us, we'd beat feet the other way.
I'm not sure what we should call the ideal man. Or maybe, I should say my ideal man? What is he like?
I want a man who is capable of defending himself and his family from danger. That defense certainly includes the physical, but I want him to have the judgment and good sense to know when an issue can be settled verbally.
I want a man who can take care of himself and his family... someone who can cook, clean, do laundry, use a hair brush and a vacuum cleaner. Not because I expect him to do those things all the time, but because I want the security of knowing that our children wouldn't suffer if something happened to me.
I want a man who is secure enough within himself to deal with me helping to bring home the bacon--even if I bring home more bacon than he does at some time in our life. I don't want this because I'm anxious to go out there and hunt down that pig, but because bad things happen in life and some day we might have to switch places.
I want a man who isn't afraid to be both tender and disciplined with our children. I'm tired of always being the bad guy. And children respond really well to those deep rumbly tones of a male voice.
I want a man who is willing to put me first. If he has to make a choice between any other person in the world and me, I will come first every time. If our children play conquer and divide, they'll lose because we always stand together.
I want a man who is willing to commit for a lifetime.
You'll notice that there are no physical descriptions in any of the above. The physical changes. Age gets us all. But the important things aren't affected by age. They're things that are influenced by attitude. I think that's what women find so attractive. They find that attitude of self-confidence and competence very, very attractive. They fall in love with the man who has the confidence to admit that he doesn't know a darn thing about a car engine, but he can discuss the merits of three different types of crochet hooks. The man who is equally capable of changing a diaper and undressing his slightly tipsy wife demonstrates that he's a true man for all seasons and reasons.
Where is this ideal man?
I think I left him in the bedroom...