Friday, September 25, 2009

I Have No Shame

I've done it on a train.
I've done it on a plain.
I've done it on a boat.
I did it once near a goat.

I've done it in the pool,
And once upon a stool.
I've done it in the bathroom,
I've done it in the kitchen,
And yes, I've done it out in public,
Now will you please quit yer bitchin'?

I've done it with my husband
And I've done it all alone;
While working on the computer,
While talking on the phone.

I've done it at my parents,
I've done it in my car.
I've done it here, I've done it there,
I've done it near and far.

I really have no shame, see?
And can you really blame me?
For doing what's so natural,
It's really matter-of-factual.

We all know deep in our hearts
That everybody...


What? What did you think I was talking about?

Oooooooooh, that!

Yeah, I do that to.



  1. Helen,

    If you lived in the UK I would be insisting you come to our next poetry recital. I know you would bring the house down.

    Brilliant post.


  2. I'd hop over the pond to attend that poetry recital. You are a hoot, Helen!

    Great poem, great post!

    ~ Jenna

  3. Helen, Helen, uh...Helen!

    I'm not sure what to say here. You definitely did that well. Whatever THAT was. LOL Great poem and I really don't want to know about your farts.


    Great post -- I think!


  4. Ashley and Jenna,

    I learned everything I know about poetry from the great master himself - Dr. Seuss (who is probably now rolling in his grave over this statement).


  5. Molly,

    You are most welcome! Glad I could make you laugh.

  6. Jude,

    Hey, all the other ideas I had for this post were already taken by everybody else! I had to do something **different**. You have to admit, this was different!

    I promise, I will not share anymore about my bodily functions... until the next time I have to write a blog post and all you people steal my best ideas!

  7. Taking note, if blog ideas are in danger of causing Helen to revert to sharing bodily functions with us all, send email with ideas, as many as possible.



  8. Helen,

    You had me going there!

    Do you want to switch days with me? Then you get the chance to steal everyone else's ideas...!


  9. P.S. The rhyme and meter were perfect.


  10. Lisabet,

    Good god, no I'm not switching days with you! When you guys steal all the good ideas, that just gives me an excuse to be bad ;)

    BTW, while my rhyme and meter were perfect, my spelling was attrocious! LOL I need to go back and edit this little literary treasure.

  11. Jicky,

    Thank you! I strive to be entertaining, at least ;)


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