Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Self love and you aren't alone

"Show me."

Two tiny words that can make the biggest, bravest man cringe, or puff his chest out with delight. The same can be said of women, but perhaps with slightly more cringing than puffing. LOL

How many of us, and this will vary with age, length of relationship and a number of other issues, would leap at the chance to strip bare, lay back and spread our legs, then show our partners/lovers just how we like to touch ourselves? Cripes, how many would dare ask?

We write about it, as Jenna said, it's a great way to bring a little sex into an erotic romance when you don't want your characters to leap into be quite yet. It's also fun to add a masturbation scene into a book for variety. I'm actually a huge fan of using masturbation to torture my characters. Yup, you go right ahead and touch yourself, but don't you dare come or I'll slap/tickle/flog or whatever. The variety of how we self-pleasure and the reasons we come up with are endless. Fetish comes to mind: the sexy sod who lusts after his wife's stilettos, the sexy mature woman who adores the feel of satin, or leather between her thighs, the middle aged banker who can't wait to kneel at his master or mistress' feet.

Oh, and while you're indulging with those fetish items, stroke that pussy, cock, bearded clam, rod for us.

What are these characters thinking of while they stroke? Fantasies they've created for themselves, lovers they've had, want to have or have now. Scenarios they want to try, don't dare try or are possibly illegal, but it's still all right to dream.

Knowing thyself. That means knowing the sexual part of yourself as well as all the other aspects of what makes you... well.. you!

Liking and loving that aspect of you is enormous and often more than people can do, unfortunately. How many of us have secret fantasies we couldn't dare share with our partners? Not even partners you've had for ten, twenty, thirty, or more years? Whether it's shame or embarrassment, there are too many of us still too many of us unwilling, or unable, to share the things that excite us.

But, if you can take that leap. If you can swallow whatever fear holds you back. If you can take a deep breath and blurt out how much you're enamored with your husband's thigh high waders or your wife's frilly lace apron, chances are you'll find they're more than accepting, they're eager to play along with you.

I guess the big secret here is to realize we're all very much alike. No matter what turns you on, there are a dozen, a thousand or more who are into the same thing.

Got a kink or fetish you'd like to share? I'd love to know all about it. Told your special someone and had a good/bad experience, I'd love to hear about those too.



  1. Wonderful post, Jude,

    But I don't have any secrets to share. I've used them all up in my stories (LOL).


  2. Yeah, like I'm gonna tell it here, to you, and a few thousand of your closest friends??? LMAO

    *shakes head sadly* I got nuthin' to share, anyway. Like Lisabet, the good ones go into stories!

    But Jude, you knew that. *G*

    Great post!


  3. Hi Jude,

    Do I have any kinks? I have more kinks than a company manufacturing telephone cords. However, the ones I haven't exploited in novels are closely guarded secrets. Thanks for a wonderfully thought-provoking post!



  4. Lisabet,

    I don't believe you. Hehehe!

    Thanks for commenting.


  5. Jenna,

    Nope, don't believe you either. I just bet there's a wild woman in there dressed in stilettos and reaching for the leather/furry cuffs... hehehe!

    Who knew you'd be shy... LOL

    Thanks for commenting GF!


  6. Ash,

    Okay, you're scaring me. Well, maybe not too much. A short list would be fun and very inspiring!

    Thanks for reading and commenting


  7. One of my favorite things about my own Mr. Smith is how free he is to play with his cock in my presence. There is something very liberating about being with a partner who is comfortable with what turns him on, it creates space for you to be free too.
    No judgement, just appreciation.

    Enjoying each blog immensely!

  8. Jicky,

    Yes! One partner being open, seems to allow the other to open up more easily. Self pleasuring also gives a partner secret weapons for later. *G*

    Thank you so much for posting


  9. Hey - The Goddess of Jicky is here.

    I was thinking of you and Mister Jicky while I was reading this. But you are an especially well matched couple.

    I myself am sadly devoid of kinks.


  10. Garce, I'm surprised. Is there no secret fantasy you save for those special times alone?

    I thought everyone had em. Sigh!

    Thanks so much for stopping by today.


  11. You know, it's great to be able to share secrets with a partner, but I have to admit, sometimes half the fun is in having a secret to start with!

    I am sure I do not know all the Hubster's secret sexual fantasies, nor does he know mine, even though we've been together for 16 years. But you know what? I think that's a good thing. That means later on, just when we think we're bored with each other, we can pull those secrets out and share them ;)

    Hurray for secret kinks! And the self-love that allows us to quietly indulge in them ;)


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