One of the most hurtful aspects of getting divorced is losing friends. I don’t know the reason, but people seem compelled to choose sides. Because I left the country for six months following our separation, I wasn’t around when my ex spewed his vitriol about the breakdown of our marriage. Strange how an apparently intelligent man had selected three wives in a row who all cheated on him, but few in my former circle managed to connect the dots and draw the obvious conclusion.
What’s even weirder is the phenomenon of the coupled often being friends only with other couples. When I divorced, one woman I'd known since my feshman year in college dropped me like the proverbial hot potato. Looking back, I realize that she'd gotten quite remote after she married while I was still single. I also noticed that when I married, I lost a lot of my single friends. Maybe they didn’t care for my ex, but it’s also possible that singles prefer to hang out with other singletons.
I can readily understand that, as it’s difficult to get together with coupled friends. They’re rarely available in the evenings, especially if they’re married or cohabitating. They're busy with jobs or kids during the day.
Many people hitch up during their early twenties, but I was pretty short-sighted during my school years. Others were smart enough to realize that the friendships and romantic relationships made would be profoundly significant.
Later, after I had started my law practice and gotten my life relatively squared away, I then wanted to find and establish a relationship with a man—until then, I had really been into messing around, nothing serious. It proved to be very difficult to meet men. As a trial attorney in the areas of family law and criminal defense, my choices were severely limited. Divorcing men and career felons weren’t exactly the kind of guys I was looking for. Other attorneys—both prosecution and defense—saw me as a rival, not a partner. Same with cops.
A happy discovery of my maturity is the rediscovery of my old friends. High school and law school reunions have led to the rebirth of wonderful friendships.
But I don’t look at reunions as the opportunity to rekindle doused flames, but I do find friends.
Here are a few:
|A few members of Chatsworth High School class of '72|
|Me and Mary, |
Hastings class of '81
Friends can be made and lost. But, happily, they can be reclaimed.