Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Cheesy Dirty Talk

The topic of effective commucation obviously screams dirty talk. It just does. Even if you're in a business meeting and your boss is all "oh, we need to effectively communicate through Powerpoint", most people are really thinking: I hope this Powerpoint presentation has some freaky bulletpoints on it.

You know, like:
  • Do that thing with your foot in my ear.
  • I like it when you rub tomatoes on me!
  • Jesus, who knew you had that in your pants??


However, while in the process of thinking about inappropriate dirty talk, I started thinking about the kind of dirty talk I like. And it isn't pretty, folks. Yeah, you're not going to like this.

Cos I like cheesy dirty talk. The kind of bad, awful, cringeworthy dirty talk that you usually hear in bad porn or terrible movies starring Madonna, and you try not to laugh because you're supposed to be turned on but too bad. Willem Dafoe has just killed your girl-boner with his dirty talk aimed at the Material Girl.

Only he probably hasn't with me.

Okay. He has. Willem Dafoe would kill anyone's girl-boner. But the thing is, most bad awful cheesy corny terrible dirty talk doesn't kill my lady-erection. I am so wrong inside, that I actually like it when dudes say the following in erotica or erotic romance:
  • Yeah, I'm gonna come on you, baby.
  • Oh, suck me hard you hot bitch.
  • Do you need me to fill you up with my hot love juice?

And so forth. I think you get the point: basically, the dirtier and cheesier, the better. I love nothing more than a guy dirty talking his way through a lovely romp of a book- and especially so if he's not that much of a caveman. He just likes to sound like a potty-mouthed caveman, in the bedroom.

Oh yes. Baby, talk dirty cheese to me, right now.

Yeah. You have to use the word cheese in the right place, I feel.


  1. Yes, Charlotte, I do agree. Word cheese is like real cheese: delicious. Still, you've got to know the best kind to use, and where to use it.

    I mean, really, who wants cheddar on chocolate cake? But it's great on apple pie.

  2. Edam! The punning's started already. A caerphilly worded blog...

    and I'll quit now.

    Good blog! And it's a pleasure to read the wise (and not really cheesey) words of our newest Gripper.



  3. Craig- exactly. Exactly. No-one wants cheese on jelly.

    Jeremy and Kathleen- LOL Oh, I wish I could think of a good cheese pun, here. I don't know enough cheeses!

    Ash- Thanks. It's exciting to be here, posting about brie!

  4. Thank you - I feel so much better as I'm just the same. I worry about being cliched when I write about sex explicitly as it seems to come out a bit cheesy, but dammit that doesn't mean it isn't hot!

  5. Hi Charlotte! Welcome to our blog!


  6. English-thorn- Hot is hot is hot. What's hot will always be hot! Even if it's a bit brie-ish, at the same time. Selena Kitt is the absolute master of writing almost cringe-worthy but totally steaming hot dialogue in her stories!

    Garceus- Thanks! It's lovely to be here.

  7. Ah Charlotte,

    You cheddar watch out or I'm going to spit my coffee all over the keyboard...!

    Great inaugural post!

    One of the first reviews of my novel Raw Silk, by the legendarily snarky "Mrs. Giggles", commented that my hero was "cheesey". Maybe that was a compliment after all!



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