Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the brothel
All the women complained that their tips had been awful.

The johns were all hung, but with a casual air.
When it came down to cold cash, they just wouldn’t share.

Mistresses had been fucked, smiling smug in their beds
As visions of sugar daddies danced in their heads.

Mistress Domina Gretchen, my jack booted Hessian
Had me trussed nice and tight for a long dungeon session.

When over her cussing, as she paddled my rear
There outside in the dark, I heard something draw near.

Then fell from the sky with a flirt and a flitter
A tiny red sleigh drawn by eight naked strippers.

As naked as jaybirds his tanned Valkyries came;
He whipped them; he spanked them as he called them by name:

“Now Nixie! Now Trixie! Now Nikki! Now Vixen!
Come Dixie! Come Candy! Come Bunny! Come Bitchin!

“Mount up to the rooftop! Show them tease and pizzazz –
then let’s all party down cause I’m freezing my ass!”

Down the chimney he came, with a bounce and a bound,
He tossed down his big bag and he looked all around.

Then Saint Nick threw off his clothes, that randy old kook
And bellowed “Out of my way, you tight fisted mooks!

“I’m Santa, I’m hot, I’m hard and I’m horny –
I’ve brought my elf girls, now let’s have an orgy!”

Johns hid their faces, girls cried “I’m naughty! Do me!”
Cause that Santa Claus, man, he was hung to his knee.

Then from out of the wind, from the snow and the cold
The girls dropped down the chimney and set up their poles.

How their nipples were perky – their butt cheeks how merry!
Sixteen titties a-jiggle like bowls full of jelly.

How they lap-danced! How they dazzled! Johns emptied their pockets.
Santa ploughed through the women like a love hungry rocket.

The women squealed when they came, came hard and came thrice,
While the girls showed the men unknown levels of vice.

And when all was over, the sated saint satyr
Looked deep in his bag and ho hoed as he scattered

Loving gifts to this crowd as they gathered and grew.
“I just know that God loves you, so I love you too!”

There were dildoes for ladies, and cock rings for men.
Fur lined handcuffs for me, a bull whip for Gretchen.

Then punching my shoulder, he smiled and he winked
Said “Those ought to hold you till next year, I think.”

He put on his clothes, then to his girls gave a whistle,
Up the chimney they flew like the down of a thistle.

I heard him exclaim as he took off towards Niagara –
“Good lovin’ to you all, and thank God for Viagra!”

C. Sanchez-Garcia


  1. If the poet laureate wrote like this, poetry would be a lot more popular.

    Thanks for a rollicking read and some very clever Rhymes.

  2. I second Mike's poet laureate comment. Great rhymes with plenty of laughs, but this one nearly made me spit my coffee across the ol' flat-screen:

    Then Saint Nick threw off his clothes, that randy old kook
    And bellowed “Out of my way, you tight fisted mooks!

    A hearty "ho, ho, ho" goes out to you, Garce.

  3. Lol—fabulous, Garce! Thanks for sharing this holiday delight with us! :)

    (Lol also at Mike's comment, "If the poet laureate wrote like this, poetry would be a lot more popular." Hahaha!)

  4. Ah Garce,

    I see that you've decided to take up Ashley's mantle as our resident bawdy poet.

    Brilliant! And right on the topic!


  5. Ah, the spirit of teh season! It looks as if you had some fun with this!

  6. Hi Mike! Thanks for reading my stuff! I went to your site,

    I really like it. I'm going to wander around in there and look at stuff. I see you fixed the couplets corners up too.


  7. Hi Craig!

    Ah - you caught that line about the mook. That was one of the last lines I wrote (I write asymetrically) because I couldn;t figure out a way to work that word in there, but I was determined to make sure people knew I'm the same guy who wrote last weeks post "The Mook In Me".

    You gotta say one thing at least -
    I got range.


  8. Emerald! I see you found your way off those frozen railroad tracks.

    Good to see you around here, thanks for reading my stuff. Your facebook says you've been giving erotica readings in New York City. Whoa. Very cool.


  9. Hi Lisabet!

    You inspired me, you set the bar really high on sunday and I wanted to challenge it with something different that didn;t have a trace of angst. You push me to push myself to try new stuff.


  10. Hi Kathleen!

    I did! One of the pleasures of reading a story or watching a movie is when you can tell the people creating it are having fun with the material.


  11. Hi Molly!

    Glad you had fun with it! Thanks for reading my stuff!



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